A Walk
Back in time.60 total reviews
Comment from Brandon Clark
Excellent, extremely vivid due to the on-par word choice. The pace naturally takes the reader along at a somber speed, helping to get the message and every word across as skipping any single word or line would not disseminate the same solemn tone throughout. A well crafted dirge that flows as it should. Although a difficult decision, I found the following lines to be most profound:
"their blood-rough nails on the
concrete diaspora of multi-ethnic,
immigrant history."
Those three lines sum up what some nonfiction works on the subject don't even cover in such a well reasoned manner.
Simply excellent poetry-prose; nicely done!
Brandon
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Excellent, extremely vivid due to the on-par word choice. The pace naturally takes the reader along at a somber speed, helping to get the message and every word across as skipping any single word or line would not disseminate the same solemn tone throughout. A well crafted dirge that flows as it should. Although a difficult decision, I found the following lines to be most profound:
"their blood-rough nails on the
concrete diaspora of multi-ethnic,
immigrant history."
Those three lines sum up what some nonfiction works on the subject don't even cover in such a well reasoned manner.
Simply excellent poetry-prose; nicely done!
Brandon
Comment Written 26-Mar-2023
Comment from Ulla
Yes, the Bronx, was a rough area in its day. I didn't know it that far back, but it was still rough in the late seventies and eighties.
It's a fine picture you are painting in your very descriptive poem. All best, Ulla:)))
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Yes, the Bronx, was a rough area in its day. I didn't know it that far back, but it was still rough in the late seventies and eighties.
It's a fine picture you are painting in your very descriptive poem. All best, Ulla:)))
Comment Written 26-Mar-2023
Comment from Mary Vigasin
Brilliantly written. For a very young man just out of HS it is rich in imagery , maturity and observation.and talent.
I do not think too many of us would be at that age aware of the world around us.
Best wishes
Mary
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Brilliantly written. For a very young man just out of HS it is rich in imagery , maturity and observation.and talent.
I do not think too many of us would be at that age aware of the world around us.
Best wishes
Mary
Comment Written 25-Mar-2023
Comment from Verna Cole Mitchell
This is a masterpiece of imagery. You must have been born with poetry running through your veins. Each verse is a vision. So many uniquely beautiful phrases are here, like plundered slumber and crumbled poverty.
You showed signs of brilliance, even at a young age.
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This is a masterpiece of imagery. You must have been born with poetry running through your veins. Each verse is a vision. So many uniquely beautiful phrases are here, like plundered slumber and crumbled poverty.
You showed signs of brilliance, even at a young age.
Comment Written 25-Mar-2023
Comment from JT traveller
Great words, "plundered slumber". Thank you for the author's notes, they shed a new light on your engaging poetry. Another fine write. Deep, dark, intense. Your poem is descriptive and raw. I thoroughly enjoyed reading it.
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Great words, "plundered slumber". Thank you for the author's notes, they shed a new light on your engaging poetry. Another fine write. Deep, dark, intense. Your poem is descriptive and raw. I thoroughly enjoyed reading it.
Comment Written 25-Mar-2023
Comment from prettybluebirds
After reading this poem, the Bronx was someplace I would not care to visit. The poem is skillfully written, with vivid descriptions, but it is somewhat depressing too. It is excellent work for one as young as you were.
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After reading this poem, the Bronx was someplace I would not care to visit. The poem is skillfully written, with vivid descriptions, but it is somewhat depressing too. It is excellent work for one as young as you were.
Comment Written 25-Mar-2023
Comment from nomi338
Viewing humanity through the veil that most easily resembles viewing human waste can have or present a twisted perspective on a writer's creative juices. We might write something that is ironic, irascible, bitingly sarcastic, or depressingly sad and morose.
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Viewing humanity through the veil that most easily resembles viewing human waste can have or present a twisted perspective on a writer's creative juices. We might write something that is ironic, irascible, bitingly sarcastic, or depressingly sad and morose.
Comment Written 25-Mar-2023
Comment from CrystieCookie999
I thought this poem was heavily centered on what might happen in a big city on the street. The Puerto Rican market reminded me of what really was for sale in a Puerto Rican supermarket I also saw once. My favorite lines were the last ones:
Pigeons, quietly gathered and cooed,
on that slate-gray, New York City dawn.
I think you don't need the commas between Pigeons and quietly nor after cooed, however, since I think you mean there were two things they were doing, not two things that described them.
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I thought this poem was heavily centered on what might happen in a big city on the street. The Puerto Rican market reminded me of what really was for sale in a Puerto Rican supermarket I also saw once. My favorite lines were the last ones:
Pigeons, quietly gathered and cooed,
on that slate-gray, New York City dawn.
I think you don't need the commas between Pigeons and quietly nor after cooed, however, since I think you mean there were two things they were doing, not two things that described them.
Comment Written 25-Mar-2023
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
For a young man just out of high school, your observations were acute. You saw a lot as you walked along, not nice things, either. The lady with the fuchsia lips, and ratted fox-tail, was very well described, right up to her death from cancer. Very well written! :) Sandra xx
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For a young man just out of high school, your observations were acute. You saw a lot as you walked along, not nice things, either. The lady with the fuchsia lips, and ratted fox-tail, was very well described, right up to her death from cancer. Very well written! :) Sandra xx
Comment Written 25-Mar-2023
Comment from LJbutterfly
You were able to see and analyze a lot as a youngster just out of high school, going for a walk. You had, and continue to have an impressive ability to use metaphor to convey your point and complete your description. It was easy to envision the high school, meat market, and architecture, as well as the cigarette woman. Well done.
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You were able to see and analyze a lot as a youngster just out of high school, going for a walk. You had, and continue to have an impressive ability to use metaphor to convey your point and complete your description. It was easy to envision the high school, meat market, and architecture, as well as the cigarette woman. Well done.
Comment Written 25-Mar-2023
