A Baby Soldier Memoir/ Entry 4
An unexpected turn22 total reviews
Comment from Pam Lonsdale
I guess this new direction will give us more detail on what is going on with Lev. I assume this is Zora trying to locate her brother.
In the meantime, it was nice to see Lubora knocked back down to size.
I don't see a romance with Luka and Zora - she seems to be an all business type, and he seems desperate.
But, we'll see!
Good entry, John:-)
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2022
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I guess this new direction will give us more detail on what is going on with Lev. I assume this is Zora trying to locate her brother.
In the meantime, it was nice to see Lubora knocked back down to size.
I don't see a romance with Luka and Zora - she seems to be an all business type, and he seems desperate.
But, we'll see!
Good entry, John:-)
Comment Written 28-Dec-2022
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2022
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Thank you, Pam, for the great review. Yes, I'm trying to get some characters developed early on in chapters (to draw from them later) without distorting the sequence of the storyline. So far I've encountered minimal confusion. I'm going to take that as a future green light and run with it. LOL. Thanks again, Pam!
Comment from Ricky1024
This was well written rich in Theme and Imagery.
It also, read well and flowed well with no Grammar Issues.
The Adjective and Objective Contents were both Excellent and Exceptional while Descriptive Measures Aligned Perfectly.
Thanks for sharing.
Doctor Ricky 1024
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2022
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This was well written rich in Theme and Imagery.
It also, read well and flowed well with no Grammar Issues.
The Adjective and Objective Contents were both Excellent and Exceptional while Descriptive Measures Aligned Perfectly.
Thanks for sharing.
Doctor Ricky 1024
Comment Written 27-Dec-2022
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2022
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Thank you for your review, Ricky! I'm happy you enjoyed it.
Comment from Wendy G
Hmm - very interesting ... and you left both sections with question marks! Yes, we want to know HOW lev was saved. And we also want more of the subsequent story about Zora. What a clever idea - that Lubora will have to do those courses. I am a bit confused as to how Zora will be a resident in an ophanage however - I assume an on-site worker? Looking forward to more.
Wendy
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2022
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Hmm - very interesting ... and you left both sections with question marks! Yes, we want to know HOW lev was saved. And we also want more of the subsequent story about Zora. What a clever idea - that Lubora will have to do those courses. I am a bit confused as to how Zora will be a resident in an ophanage however - I assume an on-site worker? Looking forward to more.
Wendy
Comment Written 27-Dec-2022
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2022
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Thank you, Wendy, for the great review and kind words. I'm going to answer all the questions, I hope, LOL. Thank you again for reading and following.
Comment from Jay Squires
"Yeah, gruesome. Lev paused. [Missing a closed quote after "gruesome".]
How the frig did you get out of there, Lev?" [Just an FYI. Not a nit. But you may notice if you read this first part over aloud, that Dmitri almost invariably ends his sentences with the name "Lev". Speaking for myself, I wouldn't want that predictability. But again, it's not wrong.]
John, your writing is deliciously evocative. I've always noted that. Narrative suggestions or those made in dialogue are oblique and keep the reader embodied in the text hungrily waiting for the needed explanation. Good writing is always like that, as you know. At some point hitherto untied together strings suddenly get knotted together and meaning starts to evolve. It's the essence of showing, not telling. And you do it so damned well! We know that Luka has a thing for Zora, suggested by his wanting to have dinner with her. Again, though, it's all very oblique. And that's what I love about your writing.
When, on the other hand, when something is said in the dialogue that is counter-intuitive problems arise, such as below:
"Perhaps you can make it up to me?" [This reference evades me. From all I gathered in the dialogue up to that point, it is Luka who should be making something up to Zora. This was not explained further.]
"do you mind if we stop singing for a moment?" [Likewise with the word "singing". I'm going to assume for the moment that you will explain it later. Okay, I read to the end and it wasn't explained. I'm sorry, there is just nothing I can connect with singing, particularly when one is deaf.]
In the grand scale, those are mere nuisances. Everything else flows the way I would expect it to flow, given it's from your creative mind.
Once again, I have been highly entertained. Thank you, John.
Jay
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2022
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"Yeah, gruesome. Lev paused. [Missing a closed quote after "gruesome".]
How the frig did you get out of there, Lev?" [Just an FYI. Not a nit. But you may notice if you read this first part over aloud, that Dmitri almost invariably ends his sentences with the name "Lev". Speaking for myself, I wouldn't want that predictability. But again, it's not wrong.]
John, your writing is deliciously evocative. I've always noted that. Narrative suggestions or those made in dialogue are oblique and keep the reader embodied in the text hungrily waiting for the needed explanation. Good writing is always like that, as you know. At some point hitherto untied together strings suddenly get knotted together and meaning starts to evolve. It's the essence of showing, not telling. And you do it so damned well! We know that Luka has a thing for Zora, suggested by his wanting to have dinner with her. Again, though, it's all very oblique. And that's what I love about your writing.
When, on the other hand, when something is said in the dialogue that is counter-intuitive problems arise, such as below:
"Perhaps you can make it up to me?" [This reference evades me. From all I gathered in the dialogue up to that point, it is Luka who should be making something up to Zora. This was not explained further.]
"do you mind if we stop singing for a moment?" [Likewise with the word "singing". I'm going to assume for the moment that you will explain it later. Okay, I read to the end and it wasn't explained. I'm sorry, there is just nothing I can connect with singing, particularly when one is deaf.]
In the grand scale, those are mere nuisances. Everything else flows the way I would expect it to flow, given it's from your creative mind.
Once again, I have been highly entertained. Thank you, John.
Jay
Comment Written 27-Dec-2022
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2022
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Hi Jay! Thank you for the great review. I know you download and then go back to read, so most of those mistakes you've pointed out have been corrected, and Thank you for taking the time with me. My mistaken reference to "singing," was meant to be "signing." Thank you for the kind words, my friend, and yes--I agree (perhaps you can make it up to me) is out of sorts for that scene. Thank you for that. I'll go in and make a change. Thank you again, Jay! I'm happy you're following. I always look forward to your kind words, but I look more to your sharp observations. I continually think of your future reviews when I find myself making the mistake of falling in love with what I write instead of writing what I love. Thanks again, Jay!
Comment from GWHARGIS
Ha! I love that Zora managed to reel in the judgemental then dismissive attitude of Lubora. I have had to cross paths with people like her before. I enjoyed her comeuppance. The continued tale of Lev was haunting and very realistic. Icould picture everything he described. Very believable. Also, I love good dialogue and you have it here. Well written and very interesting. Gretchen
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2022
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Ha! I love that Zora managed to reel in the judgemental then dismissive attitude of Lubora. I have had to cross paths with people like her before. I enjoyed her comeuppance. The continued tale of Lev was haunting and very realistic. Icould picture everything he described. Very believable. Also, I love good dialogue and you have it here. Well written and very interesting. Gretchen
Comment Written 27-Dec-2022
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2022
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Thank you, Gretchen, for the great review. I'm happy you're following!
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I really like this story. You need to keep and yes on writing dialogue. Maybe refresh yourself on the rules.
Lev leaned back in his chair."So, I'm pretty sure after part of the roof caved. (space needed after the period and in a few other sentences.)
"Yeah, gruesome. Lev paused. (quotation marks needed after 'gruesome')
It was weird. I kept passing out because of the pain. (missing beginning quotation marks(
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2022
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I really like this story. You need to keep and yes on writing dialogue. Maybe refresh yourself on the rules.
Lev leaned back in his chair."So, I'm pretty sure after part of the roof caved. (space needed after the period and in a few other sentences.)
"Yeah, gruesome. Lev paused. (quotation marks needed after 'gruesome')
It was weird. I kept passing out because of the pain. (missing beginning quotation marks(
Comment Written 27-Dec-2022
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2022
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Thank you, Barbara. You're always helpful and patient. I'm pleased you're following. Thanks again!
Comment from lyenochka
I think you've captured the cold and scary Soviet era interactions of surprise government investigations perfectly and I particularly liked how the tables were turned on Lubora.
I wonder if this Zora will find out what happened to Lev and this is the time that Lev and Dimitri are living there.
Comments:
You're supervisor, (Your)
Oversight Bureau of investigations. (Investigations)
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2022
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I think you've captured the cold and scary Soviet era interactions of surprise government investigations perfectly and I particularly liked how the tables were turned on Lubora.
I wonder if this Zora will find out what happened to Lev and this is the time that Lev and Dimitri are living there.
Comments:
You're supervisor, (Your)
Oversight Bureau of investigations. (Investigations)
Comment Written 27-Dec-2022
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2022
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Thank you for the SIX, Helen. I did a small amount of research and seem to have done okay getting that era correct. I always think about you when diving into the unknown and your validation here makes me feel better. Thank you, Again!
Comment from karenina
Extremely well-written chapter.
As I have a hearing-impaired son, who has all to often been brushed aside because people couldn't be bothered to engage him properly, that hit home.
Love the flirtatious interchange between Luka and Zora--it adds an extra layer to an already intriguing and intense story.
Yes, I enjoyed the compassionate retribution of the oh so brusk Lubora.
Good old Wikipedia (and how can that ever be wrong she joked) indicates:
"In modern times, the concept of controlling anger has translated into anger management programs based on the research of psychologists. Classical psychotherapy-based anger management interventions originated in the 1970s"
That being said I would HOPE there were some programs to address anger management in 1934!
On behalf of my son, I thank you for using the phrase: "Perhaps there is someone here that speaks sign?"
Speak sign language is correct, as to speak is to "express in words" and sign language indeed does THAT!
I'll step down off my soap box now. But I'm leaving six stars!
Happy New Year, John!
Karenina
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2022
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Extremely well-written chapter.
As I have a hearing-impaired son, who has all to often been brushed aside because people couldn't be bothered to engage him properly, that hit home.
Love the flirtatious interchange between Luka and Zora--it adds an extra layer to an already intriguing and intense story.
Yes, I enjoyed the compassionate retribution of the oh so brusk Lubora.
Good old Wikipedia (and how can that ever be wrong she joked) indicates:
"In modern times, the concept of controlling anger has translated into anger management programs based on the research of psychologists. Classical psychotherapy-based anger management interventions originated in the 1970s"
That being said I would HOPE there were some programs to address anger management in 1934!
On behalf of my son, I thank you for using the phrase: "Perhaps there is someone here that speaks sign?"
Speak sign language is correct, as to speak is to "express in words" and sign language indeed does THAT!
I'll step down off my soap box now. But I'm leaving six stars!
Happy New Year, John!
Karenina
Comment Written 27-Dec-2022
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2022
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Karenina! Thank you for pointing out that anger management date! Hahaha. I forgot what freaking year I was writing in! I'm going to leave it maybe it will slip on by, lol. I wasn't aware you had a hearing impaired son. I understand the termanology, because I dabbled in speaking sign as part of my job with the transportation department in a local school system here. I'm happy I got that right. I thank you for the six stars and Happy New Year to you and yours as well.
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Oh! I'm sure there was some HR way of handling cantankerous employees so sure, I'd leave it in! I used to be a Guardian ad litem to advocate for children in dysfunctional family situations so I got to know "Anger Management" pretty well. (grrrr)
Yes, my son was born deaf in his left ear and then lost all hearing in his right ear when he was expecting his first child. It was sheer turmoil.
He has a Cochlear Transplant in one ear now and does amazingly well, although talking on the phone is still difficult.
So I l learned to speak sign...as well all did!
Ironically (or not) I was born in Rochester, NY, and lived across the street from the Rochester School for the Deaf. I used to sit on the porch as a child and watch those children with fascination! All of the smiles and games and none of the sounds!
I KNOW this sounds odd, but something told me even back then I was observing for a reason and I'd likely have a hearing-impaired child.
See how far off the topic I can stray?
Oh my. Forgive me. Loved this chapter!
K
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That is not off the topic at all! I can believe you were there for a reason. It still fascinates me to watch sign speaking. I understand some, enough to get by, but my problem is someone fluent is hard to follow. I have to get my butt out and learn the language.
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Me too. It's not as easy as some may think!
Comment from Mariana Convery
I thought the first story would be continued, but it was an entirely different story. The first story was very intriguing. I would have liked to find out the rest. The second story was a bit confusing. I mean, I get what happened. But I think it had more to do with the names both starting with L. I found one spelling mistake, your verses you're. Other than that, both were interesting. Your dialogue is very good, reads naturally. Nice job.
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2022
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I thought the first story would be continued, but it was an entirely different story. The first story was very intriguing. I would have liked to find out the rest. The second story was a bit confusing. I mean, I get what happened. But I think it had more to do with the names both starting with L. I found one spelling mistake, your verses you're. Other than that, both were interesting. Your dialogue is very good, reads naturally. Nice job.
Comment Written 27-Dec-2022
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2022
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Thank you for your kind review. This is a continuous story line. Thanks again.
Comment from Ulla
Hi John, this is an interesting turn of events. It has an interesting twist in the tail this part. Whether that is so a good thing has still to be seen. I can't wait to read more of this fascinating story. It's so very well written. Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2022
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Hi John, this is an interesting turn of events. It has an interesting twist in the tail this part. Whether that is so a good thing has still to be seen. I can't wait to read more of this fascinating story. It's so very well written. Ulla:)))
Comment Written 27-Dec-2022
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2022
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Ulla, thank you so much for the Six stars and the great review. I'm happy you're following.
