Magical Moonbeams
a rhyming poem35 total reviews
Comment from kahpot
Wow! what wonderful imagery you have given your words, as much as I like your artwork I have an image of my own, absolutely absorbing, very well written****kahpot
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2023
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Wow! what wonderful imagery you have given your words, as much as I like your artwork I have an image of my own, absolutely absorbing, very well written****kahpot
Comment Written 01-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2023
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Thank you so very much!! I am delighted that you liked it.. I had fun wearing my whimsical hat as I wrote it :)
Melissa
Comment from Father Flaps
Hi Melissa,
I love the rhythm of every line. And it very well is Amphibrach meter. But I prefer to read it as a gallop... getting past that first unstressed-stressed, I read it unstressed-unstressed-stressed which I guess would be anapestic meter.
My favorite lines,
"Beneath the vast heavens that glimmer and twinkle,
old comets glide smoothly into a black night." ... I like the adjective "old" for comets. Comets have been soaring through the heavens for eons. When astronomers discover a "new" comet, it's really quite old. Right now, there's a comet that might be visible in February/2023 with just binoculars. They've named it C/2022 E3 (ZTF). First, they had to make sure it wasn't an asteroid. But 3 teams of astronomers studied pictures and confirmed it has a coma, the halo of evaporated gas (water vapor, ammonia, carbon dioxide) and dust that surrounds the nucleus.
I also like these lines,
"Perhaps when the dawn sits upon the horizon
and peeps o'er the hills with a sunny, bright face" ... such vivid imagery, and personification as well!
I especially like the use of "silver" as a verb,
"where shadows are silvered with shimmering light"
And I call these lines whimsical...
"a fanciful zephyr will carry me upwards
and tickle shy Venus while I dance with Mars."
I especially like the alliteration here,
"magical moonbeams" makes the "m" in "imagination" pop...
"Imagine a world lit by magical moonbeams"
And I like the pairing of "shadows/shimmering" in this line,
"where shadows are silvered with shimmering light"
I have just one suggestion for you.
"old comets glide smoothly into a black night." ... ( I don't see a comet gliding. A light plane or an eagle will glide. But comets charge into the blackness at over 100,000 miles per hour! In fact, the closer they get to the Sun, the faster they go. My suggestion would be,
old comets soar smoothly into a black night.)
Nicely penned! I'm glad you finished this poem. I think you're like me, a pen and notepad always close. A phrase or complete line, or idea, sometimes pop in my head. If I don't write it down then and there, I'll forget it! My brain is not as sharp as it used to be.
Good Luck in the contest! This could be the winner.
Hugs,
Kimbob
reply by the author on 30-Dec-2022
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Hi Melissa,
I love the rhythm of every line. And it very well is Amphibrach meter. But I prefer to read it as a gallop... getting past that first unstressed-stressed, I read it unstressed-unstressed-stressed which I guess would be anapestic meter.
My favorite lines,
"Beneath the vast heavens that glimmer and twinkle,
old comets glide smoothly into a black night." ... I like the adjective "old" for comets. Comets have been soaring through the heavens for eons. When astronomers discover a "new" comet, it's really quite old. Right now, there's a comet that might be visible in February/2023 with just binoculars. They've named it C/2022 E3 (ZTF). First, they had to make sure it wasn't an asteroid. But 3 teams of astronomers studied pictures and confirmed it has a coma, the halo of evaporated gas (water vapor, ammonia, carbon dioxide) and dust that surrounds the nucleus.
I also like these lines,
"Perhaps when the dawn sits upon the horizon
and peeps o'er the hills with a sunny, bright face" ... such vivid imagery, and personification as well!
I especially like the use of "silver" as a verb,
"where shadows are silvered with shimmering light"
And I call these lines whimsical...
"a fanciful zephyr will carry me upwards
and tickle shy Venus while I dance with Mars."
I especially like the alliteration here,
"magical moonbeams" makes the "m" in "imagination" pop...
"Imagine a world lit by magical moonbeams"
And I like the pairing of "shadows/shimmering" in this line,
"where shadows are silvered with shimmering light"
I have just one suggestion for you.
"old comets glide smoothly into a black night." ... ( I don't see a comet gliding. A light plane or an eagle will glide. But comets charge into the blackness at over 100,000 miles per hour! In fact, the closer they get to the Sun, the faster they go. My suggestion would be,
old comets soar smoothly into a black night.)
Nicely penned! I'm glad you finished this poem. I think you're like me, a pen and notepad always close. A phrase or complete line, or idea, sometimes pop in my head. If I don't write it down then and there, I'll forget it! My brain is not as sharp as it used to be.
Good Luck in the contest! This could be the winner.
Hugs,
Kimbob
Comment Written 30-Dec-2022
reply by the author on 30-Dec-2022
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What a fantastic review KB. I am so happy that you shared your thoughts on this verse and gave me some background on comets. I never knew such things before. Thanks for the suggestion too. So appreciate you, my friend.
Melissa
Comment from Teri7
You did a really good job with this rhyming poem about magical moonbeams. You used great descriptive words and very lovely imagery. Best wishes in the contest. love and blessings, Teri
reply by the author on 30-Dec-2022
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You did a really good job with this rhyming poem about magical moonbeams. You used great descriptive words and very lovely imagery. Best wishes in the contest. love and blessings, Teri
Comment Written 29-Dec-2022
reply by the author on 30-Dec-2022
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Thank you very much, Teri. Appreciate your thoughts on it and I'm glad you like it. :)
Melissa
Comment from Douglas Goff
This is very well-written and nicely done. It flows like a dance. Not a gyrating Lambada but more of a Salsa.
My favorite imagination captivating part:
a fanciful zephyr will carry me upwards
and tickle shy Venus while I dance with Mars.
Very well done!
reply by the author on 30-Dec-2022
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This is very well-written and nicely done. It flows like a dance. Not a gyrating Lambada but more of a Salsa.
My favorite imagination captivating part:
a fanciful zephyr will carry me upwards
and tickle shy Venus while I dance with Mars.
Very well done!
Comment Written 29-Dec-2022
reply by the author on 30-Dec-2022
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Hello Douglas. I am glad you liked this poem and how it flows... its the amphibrach meter that makes it sound like music. Thank you so much!!
Melissa
Comment from Mary Shifman
Wow! I'm a sucker for rhyming poetry and this one is terrific. It is almost musical and it makes me feel uplifted. Your art work is gorgeous and awe inspiring. The who thing makes me want to fly. Good luck in the contest. I think you have an excellent entry.
reply by the author on 29-Dec-2022
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Wow! I'm a sucker for rhyming poetry and this one is terrific. It is almost musical and it makes me feel uplifted. Your art work is gorgeous and awe inspiring. The who thing makes me want to fly. Good luck in the contest. I think you have an excellent entry.
Comment Written 29-Dec-2022
reply by the author on 29-Dec-2022
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Hello Mary. You have made my day with your lovely review and comments. So nice of you to say such encouraging things. Thanks so much!!!
Melissa
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You are very welcome. Happy New Year!
Comment from harmony13
The author's words are uplifting, descriptive and creative. Thank you for the author's notes - I always like knowing the background of the poem. I found these words to be extremely creative and filled with wonder! The artwork is awesome and compliments this poem well.
Hi Melissa, hope you had a Wonderful Christmas and are doing well! Maria
reply by the author on 29-Dec-2022
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The author's words are uplifting, descriptive and creative. Thank you for the author's notes - I always like knowing the background of the poem. I found these words to be extremely creative and filled with wonder! The artwork is awesome and compliments this poem well.
Hi Melissa, hope you had a Wonderful Christmas and are doing well! Maria
Comment Written 29-Dec-2022
reply by the author on 29-Dec-2022
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Hello Maria.. thank you so much. I appreciate your thoughtful comments. We had a lovely Christmas and I hope you did too!!
Melissa
Comment from Ginda Simpson
You write like an artist, each word a brushstroke create a beautiful image. The rhyming is perfect and flows masterfully. Well done. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 29-Dec-2022
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You write like an artist, each word a brushstroke create a beautiful image. The rhyming is perfect and flows masterfully. Well done. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 29-Dec-2022
reply by the author on 29-Dec-2022
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Oh, you have made my day with your lovely words, Ginda. Thank you so much. I love to write in this meter and especially with a bit of whimsy. :). Thanks again!!
Melissa
Comment from dragonpoet
This is a fanciful and image packed description of the beauty of both
sunset and sunrise. Both are a vision of hope and dreams of the future.
Good luck in the contest.
Keep writing and stay healthy
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.
Joan
reply by the author on 29-Dec-2022
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This is a fanciful and image packed description of the beauty of both
sunset and sunrise. Both are a vision of hope and dreams of the future.
Good luck in the contest.
Keep writing and stay healthy
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.
Joan
Comment Written 29-Dec-2022
reply by the author on 29-Dec-2022
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Hello sweet Joan. Thanks so very much. You have a lovely New Year too!
Melissa
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You are very welcome, Melissa.
Joan
Comment from Lilly Flowers
This was a delight to read. It definitely re-kindled my child-like attitude about life. The older I get, the more I lose my sense of magic.
Your meter was perfect and made this smooth sailing from start to finish. I also enjoyed your choice of rhyming words. Hugs, Lilly
reply by the author on 29-Dec-2022
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This was a delight to read. It definitely re-kindled my child-like attitude about life. The older I get, the more I lose my sense of magic.
Your meter was perfect and made this smooth sailing from start to finish. I also enjoyed your choice of rhyming words. Hugs, Lilly
Comment Written 29-Dec-2022
reply by the author on 29-Dec-2022
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Hi Lily, Thank you for your lovely review and stars!! So appreciate your comments on this verse.
Melissa
Comment from Ricky1024
This is a rhyming contest entry rich in Theme and imagery about the moon and how beautiful the glow is.
I would like to see this with Saturn since it's known that Saturn has multiple moons it would be a multiple delight!
Thanks for sharing this and good luck with your contest entry.
Doctor Ricky 1024
reply by the author on 29-Dec-2022
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This is a rhyming contest entry rich in Theme and imagery about the moon and how beautiful the glow is.
I would like to see this with Saturn since it's known that Saturn has multiple moons it would be a multiple delight!
Thanks for sharing this and good luck with your contest entry.
Doctor Ricky 1024
Comment Written 29-Dec-2022
reply by the author on 29-Dec-2022
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Thank you so much for your lovely review, Ricky. So appreciated!!
Melissa
