Comment from royowen

Excellent

An excellent tanka Maria, it's amazing how one thinks about the end, Bob body can help us with these things. None of us know the process of dying, but we can be sure God will comfort when He comes for us. Beautifully written my friend, Blessings Roy

 Comment Written 07-Jan-2023

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reply by the author on 08-Jan-2023

Thanks for reading, Roy.

reply by royowen on 08-Jan-2023

Most welcome

Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell

Excellent

That is so beautiful, Heather, and what a lovely way to plan your journey to Heaven. Perfectly dressed, happy, and filled with joy for when you arrive. I must sort my wardrobe out! What I liked in the picture was the casket made from wicker. It's beautiful. Well done and good luck in the contest. :)) Sandra xx

 Comment Written 07-Jan-2023

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reply by the author on 08-Jan-2023

Thanks for reading, Sandra. xxx

Comment from Teri7

Excellent

This is a very nice and well written Tanka poem you have penned for the contest. You used very good descriptive words and very lovely imagery from the art work you chose. Best wishes in the contest. love and blessings, Teri

 Comment Written 07-Jan-2023

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reply by the author on 08-Jan-2023

Thanks for reading, Teri. x

Comment from Regina Elliott

Excellent

This is a 6 star tanka but I'm out
of 6 stars presently. This is
both sad and joyous. Sorrowful that she's left earthly life, rejoiceful that she's in heaven. Beauteous
work, Heather! Blessings ~

 Comment Written 07-Jan-2023

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reply by the author on 07-Jan-2023

I'm glad you enjoyed it, Regina. xxx

Comment from Debra White

Exceptional

Hi Maria :)
Your tanka is wonderful.
It sounds like the words of a young girl preparing for her wedding, right up until the last line when it becomes apparent that she is planning the detail for her funeral. The contrast you present between youth and death is as breathtaking as the contrast between the theme and the presentation. The coffin in the picture resembles a Moses basket to me, emphasising the youthfulness of the speaker.
The enjambment between lines is good and your use of alliteration is nicely subtle.
I love the feeling of acceptance, peace, serenity and grace that your tanka delivers. Beautifully written.
Good luck in the contest.
Best wishes as always, Debra :) x

 Comment Written 07-Jan-2023

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reply by the author on 07-Jan-2023

Thanks so much for this generous review, Debra. xxx

Comment from Katherine M. (k-11)

Excellent

I am no expert on Tanka, but this is so well-written and well-presented, it sent shivers up my spine, and that is saying a lot. The image you created of the death of a young girl is poignant. You concentrate on a peaceful funeral, but leave us pondering what sort of actual death she suffered. Kate xx

 Comment Written 07-Jan-2023

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reply by the author on 07-Jan-2023

Thanks so much for your review. I'm pondering myself now because I hadn't thought of her actual death.

Comment from Bill Schott

Excellent

This tanka, Daisies, Lace, and Satin, has the proper formatting and makes me a bit sad as I see the connection is to death and that final presentation.

 Comment Written 07-Jan-2023

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reply by the author on 07-Jan-2023

Thanks so much for your review, Bill.

Comment from Debbie Pope

Excellent

I love tankas because you get three poems in one. And, you get that turning line that separates and joins them. That's so challenging for me. I enjoy seeing how others turn their poem.
I like your turning line. I think that I would omit the period so that it flows better into the second half of the poem. I would also think about using the word dance instead of fly since shoes don't fly. Maybe that is being too literal on my part. I tend to do that, so you stand firm with fly if you like.
It's a good tanka, Heather. Good luck in the contest.

 Comment Written 07-Jan-2023

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reply by the author on 07-Jan-2023

Thanks so much for your review and advice, Debbie.

Comment from Jesse James Doty

Excellent

This is a fine tanka but I am a little confused. Is it you who are flying up to heaven or are you grieving for someone else who is close to you? Please offer confirmation as to which it is. I love the picture with the open coffin. You obviously put great effort into writing this I am just a little confused.
Jesse


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 Comment Written 07-Jan-2023

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reply by the author on 07-Jan-2023

Hi Jesse,
It's really nice to read you again.
In the poem, it's the narrator herself who is going up to heaven.
Thanks for reading.

reply by Jesse James Doty on 07-Jan-2023

Thanks for the clarification, my friend.
I hope I understand your next one better than I did this one.
Jesse

Comment from Ben Colder

Excellent

How nice are your words? However, so elegant it may seem. it takes Jesus and knowing Him to make your dreams come true. So tread likely. My blessings to you.

This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 07-Jan-2023

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reply by the author on 07-Jan-2023

Thanks for reading, Ben.