A Baby Soldier Memoir/ Entry 5
Lies--all lies16 total reviews
Comment from kahpot
(Bugger) I'm lost, what mirror? I got it, now some confusion it sounds like Zora applied the makeup to her father's body, yet it reads as Luka did it, "yikes go easy on the guy" (love it) I am finding this chapter a wee bit confusing, as we/you have established that both Luka and Zora can read lips as well as sign, as Luka turns from closing the door he says ... though Zora replies with sign, why say this in the story? confusion again, "Zora" I traced the letters of his name with my finger" is Zora blind also, (don't get me wrong I am just asking for my own learning) what an excellent end to this chapter, again I just ask questions for my own benefit, by reading your wonderful work, I will work it out, very well written****kahpot
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2023
  |
(Bugger) I'm lost, what mirror? I got it, now some confusion it sounds like Zora applied the makeup to her father's body, yet it reads as Luka did it, "yikes go easy on the guy" (love it) I am finding this chapter a wee bit confusing, as we/you have established that both Luka and Zora can read lips as well as sign, as Luka turns from closing the door he says ... though Zora replies with sign, why say this in the story? confusion again, "Zora" I traced the letters of his name with my finger" is Zora blind also, (don't get me wrong I am just asking for my own learning) what an excellent end to this chapter, again I just ask questions for my own benefit, by reading your wonderful work, I will work it out, very well written****kahpot
Comment Written 24-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2023
-
Zora is deaf, but Luka is not deaf. Zora is not blind. Running her fingers over Lev's name on the tombstone was a sign of affection for her brother and part of a grieving process for her. Luka put the makeup on his father per request by his father upon his death that he be made younger in appearance to please God. Because of Luka's proficiency in the field of theater makeup, he made Zora look more youthful so she could blend in with the kids in the orphanage. Thank you for catching up, kahpot. I hope I helped you get back on track, my friend
-
Thank you, and yes I am back on track
Comment from thoughtgame2
Very interesting plot. Kind of through me for a loop with the makeup scene, but it was still a great read indeed. I did not follow it from the beginning though...I don't even know how, to be honest...but I'll learn and read it again. Thank you for sharing...and keep up the intrigue!!! Well done.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2023
 |
Very interesting plot. Kind of through me for a loop with the makeup scene, but it was still a great read indeed. I did not follow it from the beginning though...I don't even know how, to be honest...but I'll learn and read it again. Thank you for sharing...and keep up the intrigue!!! Well done.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 18-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2023
-
Okay? I'm not understanding the rating since you haven't read it from the beginning, but the rating you gave is the one I'll accept. Thanks for reading.
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
Your story read well, John. You gave readers many great details
in the numerous dialogue segments. The whole time I was reading,
I thought how detailed, but complicated and secretive, this is turning
out. So many know bits and pieces, but does anyone one of the
characters know the whole story? The part about the fire and escape
was interesting and well-written. The intrigue is building for the
next chapter.
Great job, Jan
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2023
|
Your story read well, John. You gave readers many great details
in the numerous dialogue segments. The whole time I was reading,
I thought how detailed, but complicated and secretive, this is turning
out. So many know bits and pieces, but does anyone one of the
characters know the whole story? The part about the fire and escape
was interesting and well-written. The intrigue is building for the
next chapter.
Great job, Jan
Comment Written 11-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2023
-
Thank you, Jan, for the great review. Yes, there is quite a lot of mystery in this story because no one knows the real story yet! Thank you again, Jan! Stay tuned! It's great to have you following.
Comment from lyenochka
Great plot development. And that Zora is really a livewire. Hope Luka can handle her. I liked his back information with his father as a theatre actor and him as a makeup artist since childhood. I hope Zora can keep all that knowledge in her head as she sees Lev.
"What're you talking about." (question mark instead of a period)
Yes, He's a Mafia kingpin. (open quotes needed)
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2023
|
Great plot development. And that Zora is really a livewire. Hope Luka can handle her. I liked his back information with his father as a theatre actor and him as a makeup artist since childhood. I hope Zora can keep all that knowledge in her head as she sees Lev.
"What're you talking about." (question mark instead of a period)
Yes, He's a Mafia kingpin. (open quotes needed)
Comment Written 10-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2023
-
Thank you, Helen, for the great review. It's always great to hear from you and have you following. I've gone back in to make the changes you pointed out. Thanks again!
Comment from irishauthorme
Wow! What an explosive chapter! So many twists and turns, and yet it all makes sense. Fantastic that Zora immediately figured out that Luka is using her brother as bait to draw out the assassins.
You really packed a lot into this chapter, and you left us on a cliffhanger, a good illustration of your expertise!
One of your best!
irish
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2023
 |
Wow! What an explosive chapter! So many twists and turns, and yet it all makes sense. Fantastic that Zora immediately figured out that Luka is using her brother as bait to draw out the assassins.
You really packed a lot into this chapter, and you left us on a cliffhanger, a good illustration of your expertise!
One of your best!
irish
Comment Written 09-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2023
-
Irish, Thank you so much for the great review and stars. I appreciate you following me. I saw your post but haven't read it yet. Tomorrow with my morning coffee, for sure, lol. Thank you again, Irish!
Comment from Ulla
Hi John, this was a very good read and continuation to the story. It's hard to know who's telling the truth, but I do believe in Luka.
"Mission accomplished," she signed = she sighed.
Can't wait to reading on. Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2023
|
Hi John, this was a very good read and continuation to the story. It's hard to know who's telling the truth, but I do believe in Luka.
"Mission accomplished," she signed = she sighed.
Can't wait to reading on. Ulla:)))
Comment Written 09-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2023
-
I thank you, Ulla, for a great review. I'm so happy you are following this saga! The six stars are so much appreciated! Thanks again, my friend.
Comment from Wendy G
Wow, it's getting very complex now. But interesting and engaging! Different from all others. Good that Lev is still alive but horrid that their father is involved in corruption. Well done.
Wendy
Typo:" morns beside us... " should be "mourns"
"Your starting to get under my skin" should be "you're starting to ....'"
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2023
|
Wow, it's getting very complex now. But interesting and engaging! Different from all others. Good that Lev is still alive but horrid that their father is involved in corruption. Well done.
Wendy
Typo:" morns beside us... " should be "mourns"
"Your starting to get under my skin" should be "you're starting to ....'"
Comment Written 09-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2023
-
Thank you, Wendy, for the great review and the kind words. I went in and made those changes. It's great to have you following. Best, JohnC
Comment from Jay Squires
John, this is one of the most intricately woven, convoluted (in the best possible way) mystery plots I've read -- and I've read a lot! If this continues to amaze, you need to get it to a publisher! Really! Now, I'll point out a couple of things I had problems with, from an editorial standpoint. Consider them, but they're not carved in ivory. If you disagree with any, I would like you hear your argument.
he paused again and raised his palm." You need to make the "he" a capital "H", and no closed quote at the end of it. It should, instead, be an open quote for the dialogue beginning: "There's no doubt ..." ] I realize that is the summary of the previous chapter, but you want it to be right.
He slid the case into an overhead cabinet. [He? I'm having a hard time keeping their gender's straight. I think it was because you said earlier: "Luka quickly lowered her hand." Was he lowering Zora's hand? I wonder if you should make that clear, or am I the only one confused?]
The pacing in your dialogue is exquisite, John!
"You're not speaking rationally." He signed. "Stop being an investigator for one minute [I have a question for you. When you have separating two pieces of dialogue, to which does it refer. Shouldn't it be handled like, ? If so, then a comma should replace the period after "rationally" and the should be in lower case. It would be counterintuitive, but if it refers to the second part of the dialogue, then a comma or (as I prefer) a colon would replace the period after "signed".]
from an open investigation. "She [A spacing error]
they know what you look like." He signed. "But they'd have no idea [This is the same situation as above. It may seem minor, but I think my point has some validity.]
Your writing leaves me breathless, John. I mean it. And at my age I need all the breath I can conserve!
Jay
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2023
|
John, this is one of the most intricately woven, convoluted (in the best possible way) mystery plots I've read -- and I've read a lot! If this continues to amaze, you need to get it to a publisher! Really! Now, I'll point out a couple of things I had problems with, from an editorial standpoint. Consider them, but they're not carved in ivory. If you disagree with any, I would like you hear your argument.
he paused again and raised his palm." You need to make the "he" a capital "H", and no closed quote at the end of it. It should, instead, be an open quote for the dialogue beginning: "There's no doubt ..." ] I realize that is the summary of the previous chapter, but you want it to be right.
He slid the case into an overhead cabinet. [He? I'm having a hard time keeping their gender's straight. I think it was because you said earlier: "Luka quickly lowered her hand." Was he lowering Zora's hand? I wonder if you should make that clear, or am I the only one confused?]
The pacing in your dialogue is exquisite, John!
"You're not speaking rationally." He signed. "Stop being an investigator for one minute [I have a question for you. When you have
from an open investigation. "She [A spacing error]
they know what you look like." He signed. "But they'd have no idea [This is the same situation as above. It may seem minor, but I think my point has some validity.]
Your writing leaves me breathless, John. I mean it. And at my age I need all the breath I can conserve!
Jay
Comment Written 08-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2023
-
Jay, thank you for the kind words and encouragement. I always appreciate the time you take with me. Yes, I did go in and make the changes to the (He signed) where it broke up the dialogue. I thank you immensely because I wasn't positive how to punctuate that. I changed all the other critiques as well! All valid! Thank you again, Jay! I'm elated you're following.
-
Well, I couldn't be happier for what I can learn from the leanness of your dialogue.
-
Thank you, Jay
Comment from Shirley McLain
I can certainly feel the intensity of this chapter. You did a great job as always. I'm glad Lev has a sister, and she knows about him. Have a great evening. Shirley
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2023
|
I can certainly feel the intensity of this chapter. You did a great job as always. I'm glad Lev has a sister, and she knows about him. Have a great evening. Shirley
Comment Written 08-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2023
-
Shirley, thank you so much for the great review and the six stars. I appreciate them and you, and I'm happy your following.
Comment from GWHARGIS
Ok. Now you need to hurry up and post the next part. I understand why Zora was upset but why did Luka tell her about her brother at all. I like that you put the later part of the previous chapter at the beginning. I hope you go over more with Lev in it next time. I really liked his character. This is really great. Gretchen
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2023
|
Ok. Now you need to hurry up and post the next part. I understand why Zora was upset but why did Luka tell her about her brother at all. I like that you put the later part of the previous chapter at the beginning. I hope you go over more with Lev in it next time. I really liked his character. This is really great. Gretchen
Comment Written 08-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2023
-
Why did Luka tell her about Lev at all> Valid point. As I was writing that scene I realized I needed a segue into how Lev cleared the burning building, and in part because he felt bad for her.
Gretchen, thank you so much for the great review and the six stars! It means much as I'm a huge fan of your work.
-
Back at you. Jay Squires was saying how similar you and I write. I took it as a huge compliment. Gretchen
-
Thank you, Gretchen! I wholeheartedly agree with that, and I also take that as a compliment.
