Respite
An Eye For An Eye34 total reviews
Comment from K.I. Betancur
My gosh. At first, for whatever reason, I was envisioning something out of the show "Broadchurch," haha.
But wow, this is just stunning. It wasn't until the newspaper article towards the end that tied up the entire situation and explained what kind of monster this man was. (which, by the way, "Fisker's death" towards the end of that article. You swapped around the apostrophe.)
Your accolades are well-deserved.
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My gosh. At first, for whatever reason, I was envisioning something out of the show "Broadchurch," haha.
But wow, this is just stunning. It wasn't until the newspaper article towards the end that tied up the entire situation and explained what kind of monster this man was. (which, by the way, "Fisker's death" towards the end of that article. You swapped around the apostrophe.)
Your accolades are well-deserved.
Comment Written 15-Apr-2023
Comment from dragonpoet
Hi Irish,
This is a well written story about crime, grief and revenge. It seems the respite is is the perpetrators death. The plan was thoroughly mapped out and executed.
Keep writing and stay healthy.
Congrats on placing second in the contest.
Joan
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2023
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Hi Irish,
This is a well written story about crime, grief and revenge. It seems the respite is is the perpetrators death. The plan was thoroughly mapped out and executed.
Keep writing and stay healthy.
Congrats on placing second in the contest.
Joan
Comment Written 08-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2023
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Wow, thank you! My story was entered in the contest by FS, and I had no idea that many people would read and vote. I appreciate your encouragement and all the stars!
irish
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You are most kindly welcome, Irish.
Joan
Comment from Adri7enne
You outdid yourself, Irish! This is real gold. Rings so true. The emotions are so well described. Lots of wonderful phrasing, "the organ music bleeding through the closed door." Just one of many inspired sentences. You just get better with time, Irish. Wonderful piece.
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2023
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You outdid yourself, Irish! This is real gold. Rings so true. The emotions are so well described. Lots of wonderful phrasing, "the organ music bleeding through the closed door." Just one of many inspired sentences. You just get better with time, Irish. Wonderful piece.
Comment Written 11-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2023
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Just read your review again, you have a wonderful insight! Thanks again for all the stars! I am humbled!
Comment from Badger_29
Hey Irish, I enjoyed this thoroughly. Very good imagery throughout. Your fictional narrative kept me spellbound until the end.
This is a good example of how you set the scene:
Inside the church the organ music was louder, droning on like an insomnia remedy. The cloying fragrance of the wreaths surrounding the casket was suffocating.
The shiny, new wedding rings in my pants pocket were jabbing my leg.
I liked
"Inside the church the organ music was louder, droning on like an insomnia remedy. "
Very well written, quite captivating.
Keep up the good work!
Badger_29
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2023
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Hey Irish, I enjoyed this thoroughly. Very good imagery throughout. Your fictional narrative kept me spellbound until the end.
This is a good example of how you set the scene:
Inside the church the organ music was louder, droning on like an insomnia remedy. The cloying fragrance of the wreaths surrounding the casket was suffocating.
The shiny, new wedding rings in my pants pocket were jabbing my leg.
I liked
"Inside the church the organ music was louder, droning on like an insomnia remedy. "
Very well written, quite captivating.
Keep up the good work!
Badger_29
Comment Written 11-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2023
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Thank you again, I really appreciate your encouragement!
irish
Comment from Rebecca Roberts1
Thank you for a wonderful read. It flowed nicely and pulled me along.
I especially liked how you ended it with the obituaries. It gives the reader a lot to think about.
Good job.
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2023
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Thank you for a wonderful read. It flowed nicely and pulled me along.
I especially liked how you ended it with the obituaries. It gives the reader a lot to think about.
Good job.
Comment Written 11-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2023
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Hi, Rebecca, Thank you for reading, your in-depth comments, and all the stars! I tried to imply more than show, you picked right up on that!
Cheers, irish
Comment from Alaskastory
"Respite" is well done in details that become revealed little by little. The young girl is well portrayed in one part after another. That gave the whole story interesting pieces. The conclusion makes it a good mystery.
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2023
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"Respite" is well done in details that become revealed little by little. The young girl is well portrayed in one part after another. That gave the whole story interesting pieces. The conclusion makes it a good mystery.
Comment Written 11-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2023
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Wow, I am humbled! Thank you for reading, your in-depth comments, and that galaxy of stars! I see you picked right up on my little secrets, I tried to just imply, rather than show too much.
Thanks again, irish
Comment from Sarah Robin
Thank you for this post. Although it is fiction, I am sure it probably has happened. It was well written and kept me glued to the story throughout.
I would not be forgiving if that was my child.
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2023
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Thank you for this post. Although it is fiction, I am sure it probably has happened. It was well written and kept me glued to the story throughout.
I would not be forgiving if that was my child.
Comment Written 10-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2023
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Hi, Sara! Thank you for reading, your in-depth comments, and all the stars! You are right, this story was taken from an actual case I worked on in my 30+ years in law enforcement.
I am not the forgiving type for capital crimes, but nowadays it looks like those in charge are changing all that.
Cheers,
irish
Comment from Annmuma
Very well written story. The characters are defined and the scene is palpable. No spag and a story that drags the reader in at word one and does not let go until the end. ann
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2023
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Very well written story. The characters are defined and the scene is palpable. No spag and a story that drags the reader in at word one and does not let go until the end. ann
Comment Written 10-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2023
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Thank you again!
irish
Comment from Jay Squires
This was astoundingly well-written, Cal. I tried to earn my money by finding something I could point to that needed a tweak in order to elevate its quality, but, damn! It was flat levitating already. I had nothing to teach -- only to learn from. Like your placement of what one writer calls "dinosaur teeth", little gems you strewed about to make the reader pause. Like: "Alicia's stepdad, Carl, glared at me, turned his head sideways, and looked away. [Well-placed, well-timed.] ... Or this one:
"Will Stoddard, our county coroner, stared at me as he walked by. He knew." [Clues. So well placed.] And finally: "Inside Alicia, our secret. The sleeping son whom I would never watch nursing at his mother's breast."
From then on, the disclosure was only hinted at. It wasn't even full disclosure when the Sheriff gave him his instructions. That only came with the newspaper article.
What a masterful job, throughout, Cal. I learned a lot reading your story.
Jay
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2023
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This was astoundingly well-written, Cal. I tried to earn my money by finding something I could point to that needed a tweak in order to elevate its quality, but, damn! It was flat levitating already. I had nothing to teach -- only to learn from. Like your placement of what one writer calls "dinosaur teeth", little gems you strewed about to make the reader pause. Like: "Alicia's stepdad, Carl, glared at me, turned his head sideways, and looked away. [Well-placed, well-timed.] ... Or this one:
"Will Stoddard, our county coroner, stared at me as he walked by. He knew." [Clues. So well placed.] And finally: "Inside Alicia, our secret. The sleeping son whom I would never watch nursing at his mother's breast."
From then on, the disclosure was only hinted at. It wasn't even full disclosure when the Sheriff gave him his instructions. That only came with the newspaper article.
What a masterful job, throughout, Cal. I learned a lot reading your story.
Jay
Comment Written 10-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2023
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Wow, Jay, I am humbled! Thank you for reading, your in-depth comments, and that galaxy of stars! I worked on this story-well, off and on from September until I posted. This story was based on a case I worked on in my 30+ years in law enforcement.
Foreshadowing is a double-edged sword, the follow-up has to exceed expectations.
I appreciate your encouragement!
irish
Comment from John Ciarmello
This is a well-organized and well-written story. It dripped with his undying love for Alicia. His heartbreak for an unborn child he will never know. Both are centered on a plan of revenge backed with suspense and intrigue. Then to learn in the end, the plan was carried out.
This plot has great potential to become something more. There is a back story that leads up to this that I'd love to read if you'd write it! Sensational work, Irish! I enjoyed it.
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2023
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This is a well-organized and well-written story. It dripped with his undying love for Alicia. His heartbreak for an unborn child he will never know. Both are centered on a plan of revenge backed with suspense and intrigue. Then to learn in the end, the plan was carried out.
This plot has great potential to become something more. There is a back story that leads up to this that I'd love to read if you'd write it! Sensational work, Irish! I enjoyed it.
Comment Written 09-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2023
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Thank you, John, for reading, your encouraging comments, and all the stars. I like your suggestion for a back story, I'll work on that!
Glad you enjoyed my story!
irish
