Magnum PI Was My Dad
Hate fills the emptiness.34 total reviews
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Thank you for sharing this with us. I see it won the contest. Congratulations. It deserved to win. It didn't come into my PM box. I am glad I caught it now. I hate pointing out a few errors with such an emotional post, but I did. My father was an alcoholic but his love for us was never in question, so his drinking issues were still a problem but with work forgivable. My first husband was an abuser. We weren't married for long, but I struggled forgiving him for the pain he caused me to suffer. This man doesn't live anywhere close to me, and we never communicate. But I needed to forgive him because of my emotional baggage, I struggled being the wife I should be to my present husband. God helped me forgive him. I asked God for help, and He was there for me.
I hadn't even known that it was a competition. & U.S. Marine Corps and I knew that I would need a car if I didn't want to be stuck on base. & My father told me that since I was working, & My father and stepmother were so very proud that I had a job. & So proud, in fact, that they continuously asked me how much money & had told my recruiter that I wanted to be in the military police (MP). (omit 'that' in these sentences)
"Dad, bootcamp is four months long." I responded. (comma after 'long')
I screamed with every ounce of strength that I could muster. & I was gripped by pure terror that he was going to rip away the chair and tip over the desk, & my birth father apologized to me, saying that he had no idea & Now I tell people that the U.S. Marine Corps was my daddy. & because I find that they are still better fathers than my own. & The Bible tells us that if we don't forgive, & am hoping that it may generate some advice from you, dear readers, & This is the first time that I have ever written anything about my birth father. (omit 'that' in these sentences)
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2023
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Thank you for sharing this with us. I see it won the contest. Congratulations. It deserved to win. It didn't come into my PM box. I am glad I caught it now. I hate pointing out a few errors with such an emotional post, but I did. My father was an alcoholic but his love for us was never in question, so his drinking issues were still a problem but with work forgivable. My first husband was an abuser. We weren't married for long, but I struggled forgiving him for the pain he caused me to suffer. This man doesn't live anywhere close to me, and we never communicate. But I needed to forgive him because of my emotional baggage, I struggled being the wife I should be to my present husband. God helped me forgive him. I asked God for help, and He was there for me.
I hadn't even known that it was a competition. & U.S. Marine Corps and I knew that I would need a car if I didn't want to be stuck on base. & My father told me that since I was working, & My father and stepmother were so very proud that I had a job. & So proud, in fact, that they continuously asked me how much money & had told my recruiter that I wanted to be in the military police (MP). (omit 'that' in these sentences)
"Dad, bootcamp is four months long." I responded. (comma after 'long')
I screamed with every ounce of strength that I could muster. & I was gripped by pure terror that he was going to rip away the chair and tip over the desk, & my birth father apologized to me, saying that he had no idea & Now I tell people that the U.S. Marine Corps was my daddy. & because I find that they are still better fathers than my own. & The Bible tells us that if we don't forgive, & am hoping that it may generate some advice from you, dear readers, & This is the first time that I have ever written anything about my birth father. (omit 'that' in these sentences)
Comment Written 03-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2023
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Thanks, Barbara. Corrections are always good. The advice is even better. You are a kind soul!
Comment from John Ciarmello
Douglas! I don't know what to say other than what I know everyone else has already said to you, and that's without reading any of the reviews. I'm not an authority on forgiveness, and if it is truly divine to forgive, then it is impossible to achieve as we are simply human beings.
As Christians, we are told to emulate Him and follow in the footsteps of His divinity. The question would be, has He forgiven your father? And if so, was it presented in a way that showed your father his wrongs; from what I've read your father has not changed his ways much.
What I've swept under the rug so many times in the past is some folks have to be taught by example, and what God wants is that perhaps you find a way to show them what forgiveness means by example.
My solution was to simply walk up to my dad and say, I forgive you. His question to me in response was the icebreaker. Best, JohnC
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2023
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Douglas! I don't know what to say other than what I know everyone else has already said to you, and that's without reading any of the reviews. I'm not an authority on forgiveness, and if it is truly divine to forgive, then it is impossible to achieve as we are simply human beings.
As Christians, we are told to emulate Him and follow in the footsteps of His divinity. The question would be, has He forgiven your father? And if so, was it presented in a way that showed your father his wrongs; from what I've read your father has not changed his ways much.
What I've swept under the rug so many times in the past is some folks have to be taught by example, and what God wants is that perhaps you find a way to show them what forgiveness means by example.
My solution was to simply walk up to my dad and say, I forgive you. His question to me in response was the icebreaker. Best, JohnC
Comment Written 03-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2023
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Thanks, John. Your heartfelt response hit me as being very genuine. I hadn't thought along this line before:
What I've swept under the rug so many times in the past is some folks have to be taught by example, and what God wants is that perhaps you find a way to show them what forgiveness means by example.
Thank you my friend!
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You're a brave soul, Douglas. This story was hard to write, and I applaud you for sharing it!
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
First off, congratulations on your well deserved win. I read this with anger in my heart. He was now a good father, in fact, he was far from it. I can quite understand you dilemma. To forgive will allow you to move on, but just because you forgive him, that doesn't mean you have to like him. There is a difference. Forgiveness frees you, whether it frees your father, I don't know. But to dislike a person, that is not a sin. The sin is his for the way he has acted towards you and your family. I'm sure it was hard to write this, but also another step closer to freeing you. Well done, that you learned to be what your own father wasn't speaks volumes as to what sort of person you are. Kind and loving. :)) Sandra xxx
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2023
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First off, congratulations on your well deserved win. I read this with anger in my heart. He was now a good father, in fact, he was far from it. I can quite understand you dilemma. To forgive will allow you to move on, but just because you forgive him, that doesn't mean you have to like him. There is a difference. Forgiveness frees you, whether it frees your father, I don't know. But to dislike a person, that is not a sin. The sin is his for the way he has acted towards you and your family. I'm sure it was hard to write this, but also another step closer to freeing you. Well done, that you learned to be what your own father wasn't speaks volumes as to what sort of person you are. Kind and loving. :)) Sandra xxx
Comment Written 03-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2023
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Thank you for the kind review. I appreciate your great advice here, Sandra.
Comment from Anne Johnston
Congratulations on winning the contest. I feel so sorry for you and an understand how hard it is for you to forgive. You cannot do it in your own strength, but if you will call our to Jesus for help, He will help you. You will never forget what you went through, but forgiveness will break the stronghold in your life, and give you peace.
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2023
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Congratulations on winning the contest. I feel so sorry for you and an understand how hard it is for you to forgive. You cannot do it in your own strength, but if you will call our to Jesus for help, He will help you. You will never forget what you went through, but forgiveness will break the stronghold in your life, and give you peace.
Comment Written 03-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2023
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Thank you so very much!
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You are welcome
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
What a sad, sad story of your life and everything
you endured, Douglas. I agreed. Forgiveness is
personal to each one of us. I understand your
reluctance at this point to forgive your dad. You
words were hard to read. I can't imagine the trauma
you lived with for so long. However in the end you
did yourself proud.
CONGRATULATIONS on your first p;ace win, Jan
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2023
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What a sad, sad story of your life and everything
you endured, Douglas. I agreed. Forgiveness is
personal to each one of us. I understand your
reluctance at this point to forgive your dad. You
words were hard to read. I can't imagine the trauma
you lived with for so long. However in the end you
did yourself proud.
CONGRATULATIONS on your first p;ace win, Jan
Comment Written 02-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2023
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The bigger win was all of the great advice people gave me. Some really good stuff. I couldn?t believe how many people on here had rotten fathers. Geesh! Thanks for the sentiments, Jan!
Comment from PoemsOfDD
Douglas, all I can say is thank you for opening up and taking the first steps in emptying out your closet that has been crammed full of neglect and abuse. It will take many airings and scrubbing to get things a little cleaner but hopefully, with understanding the dirt, the stains may be easier to clean or, at least, fade.
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2023
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Douglas, all I can say is thank you for opening up and taking the first steps in emptying out your closet that has been crammed full of neglect and abuse. It will take many airings and scrubbing to get things a little cleaner but hopefully, with understanding the dirt, the stains may be easier to clean or, at least, fade.
Comment Written 02-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2023
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Thank you, my friend. This felt really good to write about. I appreciate you taking the time to share my first step with me.
Comment from country ranch writer
Dear Doug,
Before you can forgive anyone you must donserveral things.
1.forgive yourself for everything that happened to you was beyond your control.
2. Like your own self be proud of the man you became dispute everyone's abuse.The marinesmade a man of you.
3 for give your mother and siblings gotpr they had no control either if what happened in her life.they didn't have places like today to get help like the do these day.
4.find a mental health specialist or chaplin of your faith.
5. Life is to shot don't never look back and dwell on the past or it will eat you alive.Cut your loses with you last it's what you do with your life today that counts with you and your. Your a good dad so dad be a better husband by being patient compassionate. Say you live her more now than you ever did.live us what keeps you together as a family.aAs I used to tell my husband it don't cost a ospenny to say I love you and mean it.Live is a four letter word that means something or did when you said your wedding vows. That was the first day of the rest of your life.Earn it cherish it for it can be gone in a heart beat.I know you think I am preaching but I am trying to tell you. You don't have to forgive anyone but yourself.there are just some things in his we have to shake off.You have become a better man because of the harsh, ugly times you suffered as a child you had no control over.
5. Life usntballmits made to be it's made of lots of hard knocks, poverty, shame you name it but you come out stronger and learn form the mistakes then and now. I am proud of you for writing your feels down and getting it off your chest getting it out in the open and dealing with it one day at a time. Life is short be kind and live life like you live being alive. Keep a journal of your thoughts and how you have made progress dealing with your struggles, come back and let us know how you are doing for we here at fan story help each other any way we can. We all have been there done that in one way or another. We also have ministers you can talk to on fanstiry. Don't be embarrassed for we don't sit in judgement. It is what it is, may God Bless you and yours.
Stay safe. Sincerely CRW.
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2023
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Dear Doug,
Before you can forgive anyone you must donserveral things.
1.forgive yourself for everything that happened to you was beyond your control.
2. Like your own self be proud of the man you became dispute everyone's abuse.The marinesmade a man of you.
3 for give your mother and siblings gotpr they had no control either if what happened in her life.they didn't have places like today to get help like the do these day.
4.find a mental health specialist or chaplin of your faith.
5. Life is to shot don't never look back and dwell on the past or it will eat you alive.Cut your loses with you last it's what you do with your life today that counts with you and your. Your a good dad so dad be a better husband by being patient compassionate. Say you live her more now than you ever did.live us what keeps you together as a family.aAs I used to tell my husband it don't cost a ospenny to say I love you and mean it.Live is a four letter word that means something or did when you said your wedding vows. That was the first day of the rest of your life.Earn it cherish it for it can be gone in a heart beat.I know you think I am preaching but I am trying to tell you. You don't have to forgive anyone but yourself.there are just some things in his we have to shake off.You have become a better man because of the harsh, ugly times you suffered as a child you had no control over.
5. Life usntballmits made to be it's made of lots of hard knocks, poverty, shame you name it but you come out stronger and learn form the mistakes then and now. I am proud of you for writing your feels down and getting it off your chest getting it out in the open and dealing with it one day at a time. Life is short be kind and live life like you live being alive. Keep a journal of your thoughts and how you have made progress dealing with your struggles, come back and let us know how you are doing for we here at fan story help each other any way we can. We all have been there done that in one way or another. We also have ministers you can talk to on fanstiry. Don't be embarrassed for we don't sit in judgement. It is what it is, may God Bless you and yours.
Stay safe. Sincerely CRW.
Comment Written 02-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2023
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Thank you for taking the time to write this. I shall take your great advice to heart, my friend. Not sure how proud you should be. I have been writing for 40 plus years and this was the first time I have EVER mentioned my birth dad. Used a contest as an excuse to finally do it. But, it did feel good writing it down. Thank you so much! I appreciate you!
Comment from lyenochka
Thank you for your honesty. I can tell you that my father was also someone I had to forgive. Lots of women would have said to take him to court or demand some kind of justice. But the moment I did forgive him (at least the first time I gave it to God) I felt a heavy weight come off of me. The anger left. That wasn't the last time I would have to forgive as he was good at triggering anger. But that first time, I felt relief and healing.
So for that reason, you should forgive. Not because it's a tit for tat with God. He already forgave you because you believe. There's nothing you need to do to earn His forgiveness. That's all through Jesus' holy work - not yours.
Forgiving your dad doesn't mean you have to see your dad or have a relationship with your dad. The main thing is to clear this up with God. It's between you and Him. Not you and your dad. Your dad needs to humble himself before God and seek His forgiveness.
Minor nits:
In your description line: Hate fills the emptyness. (emptiness)
they are still better father's than my own. (fathers)
Congratulations on the win!!
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2023
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Thank you for your honesty. I can tell you that my father was also someone I had to forgive. Lots of women would have said to take him to court or demand some kind of justice. But the moment I did forgive him (at least the first time I gave it to God) I felt a heavy weight come off of me. The anger left. That wasn't the last time I would have to forgive as he was good at triggering anger. But that first time, I felt relief and healing.
So for that reason, you should forgive. Not because it's a tit for tat with God. He already forgave you because you believe. There's nothing you need to do to earn His forgiveness. That's all through Jesus' holy work - not yours.
Forgiving your dad doesn't mean you have to see your dad or have a relationship with your dad. The main thing is to clear this up with God. It's between you and Him. Not you and your dad. Your dad needs to humble himself before God and seek His forgiveness.
Minor nits:
In your description line: Hate fills the emptyness. (emptiness)
they are still better father's than my own. (fathers)
Congratulations on the win!!
Comment Written 02-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2023
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Thank you for the corrections, the review and the congratulations. More importantly, thank you for the great advice and the warm thoughts. I appreciate your friendship and kind spirit.
Comment from Mary Shifman
You had a horrible childhood and no child should go through what you and your children endured. I completely understand the difficulty you have in forgiving him. I can think of two things that you might find helpful. The first is counseling from a professional. I know not everyone goes for that, but I have found it helpful. The other thing is that perhaps you could try switching your perspective. Instead of focusing on what forgiving him would mean to him, think about what it would mean to you. Consider forgiveness a way to begin to heal yourself. I don't know if this makes any sense, but those two things have helped me. I hope you find peace.
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2023
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You had a horrible childhood and no child should go through what you and your children endured. I completely understand the difficulty you have in forgiving him. I can think of two things that you might find helpful. The first is counseling from a professional. I know not everyone goes for that, but I have found it helpful. The other thing is that perhaps you could try switching your perspective. Instead of focusing on what forgiving him would mean to him, think about what it would mean to you. Consider forgiveness a way to begin to heal yourself. I don't know if this makes any sense, but those two things have helped me. I hope you find peace.
Comment Written 01-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2023
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Makes perfect sense. I need to move forward.
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So do we all, my friend. So do we all.
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
This was an excellent study of what makes a father unworthy of his son. You do not have to love him because he did not love you and never has. Love for a child is not guaranteed. When I was forty and she was sixty-two, my mother told me she didn't like me, she never had, and she wasn't going to try liking me anymore. I was still good to her because, by then, I realized hatred would only hurt me. The absence of feeling isn't hatred, it's just all he deserves. Hatred can give you ulcers. And if he whines, it's what he chose. Best of luck with this.
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2023
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This was an excellent study of what makes a father unworthy of his son. You do not have to love him because he did not love you and never has. Love for a child is not guaranteed. When I was forty and she was sixty-two, my mother told me she didn't like me, she never had, and she wasn't going to try liking me anymore. I was still good to her because, by then, I realized hatred would only hurt me. The absence of feeling isn't hatred, it's just all he deserves. Hatred can give you ulcers. And if he whines, it's what he chose. Best of luck with this.
Comment Written 01-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2023
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Thank you my friend. This is some solid advice Carol.
