I Came, I Saw, I Conquered
Veni, vidi, vici ...15 total reviews
Comment from royowen
I can't argue with the logic of these arguments, women have been over the centuries under estimated, those common "fallacies" of superior strength and athletic abilities are enough, doesn't really cut it, says a man with two daughters and a wife, and a granddaughter to boot. Beautifully written Tom. Blessings Roy
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2023
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I can't argue with the logic of these arguments, women have been over the centuries under estimated, those common "fallacies" of superior strength and athletic abilities are enough, doesn't really cut it, says a man with two daughters and a wife, and a granddaughter to boot. Beautifully written Tom. Blessings Roy
Comment Written 21-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2023
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Thanks. I had five sisters.
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You had no no chance, heh heh
Comment from Ric Myworld
My, my, my, what a shame it is to get old. I can't have the ones I want, and I don't want the ones I can have. But I'd have to name this story differently, such as I Saw, I came, and They Conquered.
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2023
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My, my, my, what a shame it is to get old. I can't have the ones I want, and I don't want the ones I can have. But I'd have to name this story differently, such as I Saw, I came, and They Conquered.
Comment Written 21-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2023
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hahaha
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
I concur with the final sentence in this piece. Always a good policy, just make sure you have a 'safe word'!
Word count fight on the noe.
Good luck
GMG
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2023
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Hi there,
I concur with the final sentence in this piece. Always a good policy, just make sure you have a 'safe word'!
Word count fight on the noe.
Good luck
GMG
Comment Written 21-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2023
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I'm honored to have you read my piece. You are a noted author to this forum Thank you.
Comment from Wendy G
So, which bit is the fiction? Lol. Don't tell me, I'll take a guess. A humorous piece for the flash fiction contest, and I wish you well with your entry.
Wendy
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2023
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So, which bit is the fiction? Lol. Don't tell me, I'll take a guess. A humorous piece for the flash fiction contest, and I wish you well with your entry.
Wendy
Comment Written 20-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2023
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NIce of you to read and comment. I look forward to your comments with every posting.
Comment from strandregs
Fascinating childhood trauma :-))
Story well told.
Beet red
You need to have the complexion for that.
Paralyzed- I told you there was a cosmic bandana.
My bro. Half body on Friday.
Cosmic or what?
May the force be with us.:-))Z.
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2023
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Fascinating childhood trauma :-))
Story well told.
Beet red
You need to have the complexion for that.
Paralyzed- I told you there was a cosmic bandana.
My bro. Half body on Friday.
Cosmic or what?
May the force be with us.:-))Z.
Comment Written 20-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2023
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It was, and is, and shall forever be (the force) until death snakes it away from we.
Comment from LJbutterfly
This is a creative and witty piece of thought-provoking flash fiction. Is this fiction, or is it something some men secretly believe is true? We know men conquer men. Do they conquer women, or do they do as you suggested...give up and allow women to have their way? This gave me a good chuckle. Best wishes in the contest.
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2023
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This is a creative and witty piece of thought-provoking flash fiction. Is this fiction, or is it something some men secretly believe is true? We know men conquer men. Do they conquer women, or do they do as you suggested...give up and allow women to have their way? This gave me a good chuckle. Best wishes in the contest.
Comment Written 20-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2023
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Yes, my beloved did have me surrender, but let's keep that between the two of us. I don't want my buddies to know I was defeated in battle by feminine wiles. :-D
Comment from JT traveller
Well written. It must have been hard growing up being outnumbered by five females. I dropped a star because the conclusion did not seem to connect to the rest of the narrative.
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reply by the author on 20-Jan-2023
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Well written. It must have been hard growing up being outnumbered by five females. I dropped a star because the conclusion did not seem to connect to the rest of the narrative.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 20-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2023
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It doesn't? Oh, well. That's okay, you'll still be my friend or is that neighbor, like Mr. Rogers use to say. Where is it you live?
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Apologies.
Comment from Jay Squires
Tom, this is really well-done. I make some comments, sure, and some suggestions I feel will strengthen your presentation, especially in light of the few words you have to express your thoughts, but the overall thrust in your delivery was witty, yet profound in its simple irony. So look over what I'm suggesting. Take what you want and toss the rest. Nothing, except what was suggested to prevent reader confusion, is essential to change. I'm just offering a different point of view.
I went to see and conquer believing women were the weaker sex. [A couple of things in this first paragraph: one in the area of semantics, the other punctuation. First, in keeping with the allusion to the famous quote, why didn't you begin with, "I CAME to see and conquer? "Went" pulls the reader away from the beautifully ironic subtext. The punctuation part is to prevent the reader (however briefly, because you should strive for complete control of the reader's eyes, mind, and finally, heart) -- to prevent the reader from thinking your intention was to "conquer believing women" rather than to conquer {comma} believing women were the weaker sex. I hope that makes it clearer.]
Therefore, I concluded if Caesar "went, saw and conquered," [Again, I see no reason not to go with Caesar's words, vis-a-vis "came" especially since you use the quote marks, indicating you are quoting him. Again, the subtext and the irony it achieves is powerful.]
"how come you fall short while in possession of superior strength;" [To strengthen the text by using the active voice, while saving two words you might better use elsewhere, consider "How come you fall short WHILE POSSESSING superior strength?"
more than could be handled. [Rather than use the weaker passive voice here, consider "more than I COULD HANDLE."
And that's all. This is an entry you can be proud of, Tom. I enjoyed reading it, and I smiled throughout.
Jay
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2023
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Tom, this is really well-done. I make some comments, sure, and some suggestions I feel will strengthen your presentation, especially in light of the few words you have to express your thoughts, but the overall thrust in your delivery was witty, yet profound in its simple irony. So look over what I'm suggesting. Take what you want and toss the rest. Nothing, except what was suggested to prevent reader confusion, is essential to change. I'm just offering a different point of view.
I went to see and conquer believing women were the weaker sex. [A couple of things in this first paragraph: one in the area of semantics, the other punctuation. First, in keeping with the allusion to the famous quote, why didn't you begin with, "I CAME to see and conquer? "Went" pulls the reader away from the beautifully ironic subtext. The punctuation part is to prevent the reader (however briefly, because you should strive for complete control of the reader's eyes, mind, and finally, heart) -- to prevent the reader from thinking your intention was to "conquer believing women" rather than to conquer {comma} believing women were the weaker sex. I hope that makes it clearer.]
Therefore, I concluded if Caesar "went, saw and conquered," [Again, I see no reason not to go with Caesar's words, vis-a-vis "came" especially since you use the quote marks, indicating you are quoting him. Again, the subtext and the irony it achieves is powerful.]
"how come you fall short while in possession of superior strength;" [To strengthen the text by using the active voice, while saving two words you might better use elsewhere, consider "How come you fall short WHILE POSSESSING superior strength?"
more than could be handled. [Rather than use the weaker passive voice here, consider "more than I COULD HANDLE."
And that's all. This is an entry you can be proud of, Tom. I enjoyed reading it, and I smiled throughout.
Jay
Comment Written 20-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2023
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Definitely see how a comma after conquer expresses my intent more clearly, and you are right in saying came reads better but it doesn't read I remain on the battlefield. Can you see what I mean? That's a tossup. I look forward to your comment re: this coin flip.
I also changed the possessing line converting it to read "while possessing superior strength;" I concluded it was because the opposition's assets. Dinner time, I catch the last suggestion after eating. Thank you sincerely. Tom
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It warms my heart that you've taken my suggestions as attempts at helping. I'm sorry, Tom. I don't see where "remaining on the battlefield" figures into the equation. Neither "came" nor "went", as far as I can judge it, has anything to do with permanency on the battlefield ... though your situation was certainly permanent with regard to your sisters. OMG, I would have perished for certain. Anyway, evidently I'm not seeing something that you are, so if you can set me straight on that, I'd be happy to discuss it with you. Again, thank you for your positive attitude.
Jay
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I'm back, and did change went to came on the second chance in quotes, and I could handle since neither change altered the 150 word count. I kept the opening went, writers license, even though I have "come" to realize came is also past tense. Sincere thanks. You taught me well. It must be your youthfulness.
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Yes, youth is an Albatros around my neck.
Comment from Jim Wile
Whoever this is about was certainly outnumbered and outclassed by his 5 sisters. I loved the irony of the title and the realization that women are not the weaker sex in any meaningful way. Beautiful picture too. Well done!
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2023
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Whoever this is about was certainly outnumbered and outclassed by his 5 sisters. I loved the irony of the title and the realization that women are not the weaker sex in any meaningful way. Beautiful picture too. Well done!
Comment Written 20-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2023
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I thought the picture Was a match for the story. Imagination is a wonderful gift.
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
Women can indeed be formidable in more than one way. Women are more cunning and calculated than men and always keep their eye on the goal. You succumbed as many men do and it is not about the winning, but more about the journey and I detect a little admiration in your words here Tom and I wish I had a six for you. I so enjoyed this unique story, you showed your true self and your romantic side, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2023
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Women can indeed be formidable in more than one way. Women are more cunning and calculated than men and always keep their eye on the goal. You succumbed as many men do and it is not about the winning, but more about the journey and I detect a little admiration in your words here Tom and I wish I had a six for you. I so enjoyed this unique story, you showed your true self and your romantic side, love Dolly x
Comment Written 20-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2023
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What's not to admire of women. Thanks for the read and comments.
