Blue
Taking the wrong path15 total reviews
Comment from Pearl Edwards
The temptation of his blue eyes and all they promised is well told in this poem Heather. Offering more than the ordinary life, for a while until reality hit as he sought his next prey. Good luck in the contest, cheers.
Valda
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2023
  |
The temptation of his blue eyes and all they promised is well told in this poem Heather. Offering more than the ordinary life, for a while until reality hit as he sought his next prey. Good luck in the contest, cheers.
Valda
Comment Written 25-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2023
-
Thanks so much for your kind review. Have a lovely day. :)
Comment from Sandra Nelms-Ludwig
This is a good entry in the Temptation contest. The text is an okay size but would be better one size larger under the large visual. The message is clearly stated and easy to understand. You have a solid message and point of view. It is relatable. However, there are two spots I don't understand. Why in stanza five did you change his eye color to grey? Lastly the language of the last line does not fit the tone and mood of the text in the preceding stanzas} on the girl of yore. It would probably be best to say ..the girl I was before. The language matches better.
Lastly, the poem looks squeezed in the poem box. Extend your poem box. Drop the first line down one or two spaces. Go to the last line and hit enter one or two times. Now you have opened up your poem. Your visual is perfect. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2023
|
This is a good entry in the Temptation contest. The text is an okay size but would be better one size larger under the large visual. The message is clearly stated and easy to understand. You have a solid message and point of view. It is relatable. However, there are two spots I don't understand. Why in stanza five did you change his eye color to grey? Lastly the language of the last line does not fit the tone and mood of the text in the preceding stanzas} on the girl of yore. It would probably be best to say ..the girl I was before. The language matches better.
Lastly, the poem looks squeezed in the poem box. Extend your poem box. Drop the first line down one or two spaces. Go to the last line and hit enter one or two times. Now you have opened up your poem. Your visual is perfect. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 24-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2023
-
I changed the colour of his eyes to express the coldness with which he said goodbye.
Thanks so much for your kind review. Have a lovely day. :)
-
You may want to put that in the AN or put a line that his eyes now appear gray. You are welcome.
Comment from Bill Schott
This poem, Blue, tells the tale that many might know. The rigors of family life set folks up for failure, when the greener grass guy comes along. Such is life.
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2023
|
This poem, Blue, tells the tale that many might know. The rigors of family life set folks up for failure, when the greener grass guy comes along. Such is life.
Comment Written 23-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2023
-
Indeed. Thanks so much for reading.
Comment from Mrs. KT
Hello, Heather,
I thoroughly enjoyed reading your poem for it resonated deeply with me.
This stanza is very powerful:
I gave into temptation
All those years ago
and I was stripped of
the music of my soul.
Those blue eyes poisoned
everything I loved,
but I was strong,
although a bit too late,
and in the end
I got rid of the spell he'd cast
on the girl of yore.
You bare your soul and past in this well-crafted offering... Well done...
Thank you for sharing.
diane
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2023
|
Hello, Heather,
I thoroughly enjoyed reading your poem for it resonated deeply with me.
This stanza is very powerful:
I gave into temptation
All those years ago
and I was stripped of
the music of my soul.
Those blue eyes poisoned
everything I loved,
but I was strong,
although a bit too late,
and in the end
I got rid of the spell he'd cast
on the girl of yore.
You bare your soul and past in this well-crafted offering... Well done...
Thank you for sharing.
diane
Comment Written 23-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2023
-
Thanks so much for reading, Diane. Have a nice day.
Comment from Pam Lonsdale
I like how the blue of his eyes change to remind you of beautiful things, then an icy pond which was as cold as he was when he said goodbye. Then they change color altogether.
An interesting way to look at temptation - through changing eyes on both his and your part.
Good luck in the contest, Maria.
Pam
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2023
|
I like how the blue of his eyes change to remind you of beautiful things, then an icy pond which was as cold as he was when he said goodbye. Then they change color altogether.
An interesting way to look at temptation - through changing eyes on both his and your part.
Good luck in the contest, Maria.
Pam
Comment Written 23-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2023
-
Thanks so much for reading, Pam. Have a lovely day. x
Comment from lyenochka
This is perfect for the Temptation Poetry contest. I like that the blue eyes that tempted turned into gray eyes as they reappeared in dreams years later. But the narrator escaped from that destructive relationship.
Best wishes in the contest!
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2023
|
This is perfect for the Temptation Poetry contest. I like that the blue eyes that tempted turned into gray eyes as they reappeared in dreams years later. But the narrator escaped from that destructive relationship.
Best wishes in the contest!
Comment Written 23-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2023
-
Thanks so much for reading, Helen. Have a lovely day. x
Comment from JT traveller
Lust, a great sin to choose. I hope this is not a true story. Well composed and a pleasure to read. Your writing draws the reader in. A thoroughly enjoyable read.
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2023
|
Lust, a great sin to choose. I hope this is not a true story. Well composed and a pleasure to read. Your writing draws the reader in. A thoroughly enjoyable read.
Comment Written 22-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2023
-
Thanks so much for reading. Have a lovely day.
Comment from jessizero
A blue-eyed man broke my heart, too. You did a great job writing a poem about giving in to temptation. Thank you so much for sharing, and best wishes to you.
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2023
|
A blue-eyed man broke my heart, too. You did a great job writing a poem about giving in to temptation. Thank you so much for sharing, and best wishes to you.
Comment Written 22-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2023
-
Thanks so much for reading. Have a lovely day.
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
Hello, Heather, excellent rhyming poem about betrayel and lust. I think many people can relate to this. It's human to error and sometimes the heart wants what it wants.
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2023
|
Hello, Heather, excellent rhyming poem about betrayel and lust. I think many people can relate to this. It's human to error and sometimes the heart wants what it wants.
Comment Written 22-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2023
-
Thanks so much for reading, Marival. Have a lovely day. x
Comment from Shirley McLain
What a great poem of beautiful eyes and illicit love. You did a wonderful job, and I enjoyed reading how blue eyes seduced this woman. Good luck in the poetry contest. Enjoy your Sunday evening. Shirley
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2023
 |
What a great poem of beautiful eyes and illicit love. You did a wonderful job, and I enjoyed reading how blue eyes seduced this woman. Good luck in the poetry contest. Enjoy your Sunday evening. Shirley
Comment Written 22-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2023
-
Thanks so much for reading and for the extra star , Shirley. Have a lovely day. x
