Heart Crafted Poems - 2023
Viewing comments for Chapter 7 "Storms"Musing of an old man
18 total reviews
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Thank you for sharing this club entry with us. I enjoyed reading. I know winter storms can be horrible, but I'm sure the storms in this poem are also a metaphor for life. Yes, life is a journey and often filled with storms.
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2023
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Thank you for sharing this club entry with us. I enjoyed reading. I know winter storms can be horrible, but I'm sure the storms in this poem are also a metaphor for life. Yes, life is a journey and often filled with storms.
Comment Written 25-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2023
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Smils of appreciation! Thank you!
Comment from Teri7
This is a very interesting Cascade poem you have penned about storms. You used very good descriptive words and very good imagery from the art work you chose. Thank you for sharing! Blessings, Teri
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2023
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This is a very interesting Cascade poem you have penned about storms. You used very good descriptive words and very good imagery from the art work you chose. Thank you for sharing! Blessings, Teri
Comment Written 25-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2023
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Blessings back, Teri7
Comment from Jim Wile
This is an interesting poem with its cascade style. I liked your images of the collapsing limbs from the ice storm.
I'd like to see it be more decisive about winter than "here and there, perhaps" because you made it clear that anyone with eyes can see and anyone with ears can easily tell.
Also, it seems like the line "We, with ears to hear, can easily tell" belongs more in the "Sounds of the wind" verse and the "It's winter" line belongs with the last verse.
To follow the correct template for the cascading effect, then, you would have to reorder the first verse to be eyes-ears-winter. But I think that makes the most sense anyway. Just make the winter line be more decisive.
With a few tweaks, you can turn this into a great poem.
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reply by the author on 25-Jan-2023
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This is an interesting poem with its cascade style. I liked your images of the collapsing limbs from the ice storm.
I'd like to see it be more decisive about winter than "here and there, perhaps" because you made it clear that anyone with eyes can see and anyone with ears can easily tell.
Also, it seems like the line "We, with ears to hear, can easily tell" belongs more in the "Sounds of the wind" verse and the "It's winter" line belongs with the last verse.
To follow the correct template for the cascading effect, then, you would have to reorder the first verse to be eyes-ears-winter. But I think that makes the most sense anyway. Just make the winter line be more decisive.
With a few tweaks, you can turn this into a great poem.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 25-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2023
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Jim, I value every comment, I edit the final stanza middle verse - to capture the intended metaphor. Be well, friend.
Comment from Terry Broxson
I never heard of a cascade poem, but it is a good term for it now that I see how well you executed it. I do think it would be hard to write. Congratulations on doing a wonderful job. Your imagery is excellent and your message is delivered flawlessly. Terry.
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2023
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I never heard of a cascade poem, but it is a good term for it now that I see how well you executed it. I do think it would be hard to write. Congratulations on doing a wonderful job. Your imagery is excellent and your message is delivered flawlessly. Terry.
Comment Written 23-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2023
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Terry, thank you.
Comment from patcelaw
This is a very interesting format for the club that you are in. I think I'll take down the instructions and see if I could write something in this format. You did a lovely job with it and I proud of you. Have a good day, and God bless. Patricia.
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2023
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This is a very interesting format for the club that you are in. I think I'll take down the instructions and see if I could write something in this format. You did a lovely job with it and I proud of you. Have a good day, and God bless. Patricia.
Comment Written 23-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2023
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Patricia, good success!
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I wrote one and posted it.
Comment from Bill Schott
This cascade poem, Storms, has the proper formatting and acknowledges that the season is fraught with many pitfalls, just as life can be from time to time.
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2023
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This cascade poem, Storms, has the proper formatting and acknowledges that the season is fraught with many pitfalls, just as life can be from time to time.
Comment Written 23-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2023
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Thanks Bill!
Comment from karenina
I've been feasting on Cascade poems all day! It's a fascinating form which I must try when my muse is feeling cooperative. Lost in my New England winter this appealed to me... I"m feeling that "glum damping of life" thay January brings... ah, but spring will come cascading soon!
Karenina
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2023
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I've been feasting on Cascade poems all day! It's a fascinating form which I must try when my muse is feeling cooperative. Lost in my New England winter this appealed to me... I"m feeling that "glum damping of life" thay January brings... ah, but spring will come cascading soon!
Karenina
Comment Written 23-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2023
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Karenina, I cans relate to the anew England winter and feeling the funk.
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Ugh. The older I get the less I tolerate this nonsense called winter!
Comment from lyenochka
I like how you did your cascading with the middle lines rhyming instead of the outer lines. Yes, winter months can dampen the soul.
I wasn't sure about the meaning of 'dumping' in "Sadness, a glum damping of life". Did you mean "dampening" ? I saw that 'damping' has a meaning in physics.
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2023
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I like how you did your cascading with the middle lines rhyming instead of the outer lines. Yes, winter months can dampen the soul.
I wasn't sure about the meaning of 'dumping' in "Sadness, a glum damping of life". Did you mean "dampening" ? I saw that 'damping' has a meaning in physics.
Comment Written 23-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2023
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Hi, Thanks the question, I put a note in my footer about this. I so appreciate your review.
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Ah. Thanks for sharing the archaic meaning of 'damping."
Comment from JT traveller
Your sensory theme highlights the poem to perfection. A thoroughly enjoyable read. Well composed and constructed. You deserve all six stars. Thankyou for sharing your thoughts.
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2023
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Your sensory theme highlights the poem to perfection. A thoroughly enjoyable read. Well composed and constructed. You deserve all six stars. Thankyou for sharing your thoughts.
Comment Written 22-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2023
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Jacqueline, I am so,honored! Thank you.
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My pleasure 😊🙏
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
You did a great job with your club response, JLR. I enjoyed
reading your poem. Great job with the requirements of the
style. Your words were well thought out and created a picture
of nature in winter and of an individual with their own personal
storms they are dealing with. I would add in author notes, 'meter
not required,'
Thanks for participating, Jan
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2023
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You did a great job with your club response, JLR. I enjoyed
reading your poem. Great job with the requirements of the
style. Your words were well thought out and created a picture
of nature in winter and of an individual with their own personal
storms they are dealing with. I would add in author notes, 'meter
not required,'
Thanks for participating, Jan
Comment Written 22-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2023
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Jan, thank you.
