The Truth
An entry for the club challenge15 total reviews
Comment from harmony13
The author's expresses well the feeling of sleeping alone. I found the
poem descriptive and creative. I pondered on the title of this poem as I
found the words of the poem intense. The poem flows and connects well. The artwork is awesome and compliments these words well.
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2023
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The author's expresses well the feeling of sleeping alone. I found the
poem descriptive and creative. I pondered on the title of this poem as I
found the words of the poem intense. The poem flows and connects well. The artwork is awesome and compliments these words well.
Comment Written 24-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2023
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Thank you for such a wonderful review, I thoroughly enjoyed your comments****kahpot
Comment from Sandra Nelms-Ludwig
This is a good club entry. The text is a great size. The message is clearly stated except in one spot. I do not understand your meaning in this line.} while absent love leaves hearts ajar (open for what?). Your poem also looked squeezed into the poem box. I would drop the first line down one or two spaces, and I would go to the last line and hit enter once or twice. Now your text has space around it. The visual is okay, but the image appears sultrier than alone. Finding a woman alone in a bed would be perhaps better. Good luck with your club entry.
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2023
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This is a good club entry. The text is a great size. The message is clearly stated except in one spot. I do not understand your meaning in this line.} while absent love leaves hearts ajar (open for what?). Your poem also looked squeezed into the poem box. I would drop the first line down one or two spaces, and I would go to the last line and hit enter once or twice. Now your text has space around it. The visual is okay, but the image appears sultrier than alone. Finding a woman alone in a bed would be perhaps better. Good luck with your club entry.
Comment Written 24-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2023
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What a wonderful and so very helpful review, comments like this inspire and encourage, thank you so very much****kahpot
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We cannot grow unless we know. You are most welcome.
Comment from June Sargent
A well crafted cascade that captures the longing for a missing loved one. Sleepless nights can feel very empty and sad without the security of his touch. Great response to the club challenge.
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2023
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A well crafted cascade that captures the longing for a missing loved one. Sleepless nights can feel very empty and sad without the security of his touch. Great response to the club challenge.
Comment Written 24-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2023
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Thank you, I enjoyed trying this form again, as always very much appreciated****kahpot
Comment from AP Apgar
I like your verse - good picture presentation and story - you are quite the accomplished poet K - I, unfortunately am limited to Haiku and rhyming poetry...have a musical background only understand poetry with a musical flow - or very short ones like Haiku...so I can't give you a knowledgeable review on the merits of an unfamiliar form - I will however give this my best try - forgive me in advance. The story of course I think I can figure out; tells of a lonely women missing the the closeness of a physical relationship, causing her to be unable to sleep - good metaphors - breath upon my cheek - used at the end of the first and last stanza - I like the flow of the third and forth stanza -nicely done - for me the word 'ajar' interrupts the flow - but you are the real poet here not me. Good Job!!AP
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2023
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I like your verse - good picture presentation and story - you are quite the accomplished poet K - I, unfortunately am limited to Haiku and rhyming poetry...have a musical background only understand poetry with a musical flow - or very short ones like Haiku...so I can't give you a knowledgeable review on the merits of an unfamiliar form - I will however give this my best try - forgive me in advance. The story of course I think I can figure out; tells of a lonely women missing the the closeness of a physical relationship, causing her to be unable to sleep - good metaphors - breath upon my cheek - used at the end of the first and last stanza - I like the flow of the third and forth stanza -nicely done - for me the word 'ajar' interrupts the flow - but you are the real poet here not me. Good Job!!AP
Comment Written 23-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2023
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Hello AP. trying new forms on this site has really helped me, when I first started, I was all about "love" with no stanzas or meters, just raved on, so many here knew where I was coming from and with so much encouragement I decided to stay and try, I still do not understand many forms of poetry, but I read them and like you cannot comment on that form so I just go by what I feel and like/dislike, this review of yours is what everyone needs to know, as always very much appreciated****kahpot
Comment from mermaids
Strong feelings and emotions come forth in your words. "The lonely dark embraces me" is a line that I cand relate to, the dark becomes a live character here. This is a smooth poetic form that creates a vivid scene with a strong feel of loneliness. You did well with this unique poetic form.
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2023
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Strong feelings and emotions come forth in your words. "The lonely dark embraces me" is a line that I cand relate to, the dark becomes a live character here. This is a smooth poetic form that creates a vivid scene with a strong feel of loneliness. You did well with this unique poetic form.
Comment Written 23-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2023
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Thank you very much, as always very much appreciated****kahpot
Comment from karenina
Major participation in this Cascade club entry and that's so good for me, as I find the form simple yet elegant. The very interesting image chosen here--caught my attention and lured me right into your poem!
Nothing like that breath on your cheek, right? I agree!
Karenina
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2023
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Major participation in this Cascade club entry and that's so good for me, as I find the form simple yet elegant. The very interesting image chosen here--caught my attention and lured me right into your poem!
Nothing like that breath on your cheek, right? I agree!
Karenina
Comment Written 23-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2023
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Thank you very much, as always very much appreciated****kahpot
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:)
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Stay well
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
I enjoyed the repeated line here that informs the reader that without this person there is an empty silence, I could identify with your words here, a joy to read, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2023
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I enjoyed the repeated line here that informs the reader that without this person there is an empty silence, I could identify with your words here, a joy to read, love Dolly x
Comment Written 23-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2023
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Thank you very much, as always very much appreciated****kahpot
Comment from lyenochka
I can completely understand. When we are used to a beloved's sleep pattern, that makes for the comforting background sounds that give us a sense of security.
I especially liked these lines:
"while absent love leaves hearts ajar
I need your truth so I can sleep"
My one place that caused me to pause is that the last line in the context of the last stanza gives a contrasting message: "so I can sleep without your breath upon my cheek." Just a comment. You can change if you want to or leave.
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2023
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I can completely understand. When we are used to a beloved's sleep pattern, that makes for the comforting background sounds that give us a sense of security.
I especially liked these lines:
"while absent love leaves hearts ajar
I need your truth so I can sleep"
My one place that caused me to pause is that the last line in the context of the last stanza gives a contrasting message: "so I can sleep without your breath upon my cheek." Just a comment. You can change if you want to or leave.
Comment Written 23-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2023
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Thank you, yes, I see what you mean, I shall play with it a bit more, as always very much appreciated****kahpot
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
You did a great job with your club poem, Kahpot.
I liked the art choice and the color scheme. Your
words were well thought out and flowed smoothly.
I could feel the longing of the character in the poem.
Great cross rhyme of alone/zone. Your words read well
without any end rhymes due to the choices and adherence
to the theme.
Thanks for participating, Jan
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2023
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You did a great job with your club poem, Kahpot.
I liked the art choice and the color scheme. Your
words were well thought out and flowed smoothly.
I could feel the longing of the character in the poem.
Great cross rhyme of alone/zone. Your words read well
without any end rhymes due to the choices and adherence
to the theme.
Thanks for participating, Jan
Comment Written 23-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2023
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Thank you very much, Jan, as always much appreciated****kahpot
Comment from susand3022
I absolutely loved your Cascade this morning, Kahpot. I haven't done mine yet. Looking at the deathcicles outside my window and thinking they might be a topic. lol
I loved this poem of yours though. It's full of feeling and tugged at my heartstrings.
Beautifully done,
Susan :)
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2023
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I absolutely loved your Cascade this morning, Kahpot. I haven't done mine yet. Looking at the deathcicles outside my window and thinking they might be a topic. lol
I loved this poem of yours though. It's full of feeling and tugged at my heartstrings.
Beautifully done,
Susan :)
Comment Written 23-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2023
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Thank you so very much, I enjoyed trying this form again and I am happy you enjoyed it, look forward to reading yours, as always very much appreciated****kahpot
