Heart Crafted Poems - 2023
Viewing comments for Chapter 11 "Children's Spring"Musing of an old man
42 total reviews
Comment from Kaiku
Fun. What is frogspawn, maybe tadpoles or something like that? Nice cheery picture that brings more of a summer look but who cares, kids are the focus and you`ve entertained.
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2023
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Fun. What is frogspawn, maybe tadpoles or something like that? Nice cheery picture that brings more of a summer look but who cares, kids are the focus and you`ve entertained.
Comment Written 01-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2023
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Kaiku, thank you ... I will put a note on this: Frogspawn: a close group of frog's eggs, each egg being a small almost transparent ball with a black grain near its centre.
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Thanks for clearing that up for me. Come on Spring!
Comment from zanya
A sense of new beginnings in Nature, both visual and aural, that Spring brings, beautifully evoked here in these quatrains for Childrens' Poetry contest
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2023
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A sense of new beginnings in Nature, both visual and aural, that Spring brings, beautifully evoked here in these quatrains for Childrens' Poetry contest
Comment Written 01-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2023
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Zanya, I thank you so much!
Comment from Pam Lonsdale
Nature knows before the weatherman if spring is on its way. If you are seeing these things now, it surely is right around the corner.
Lovely rhyming entry for this contest. I like the picture and the font you used, as well.
Should Oak be capitalized?
Good luck,
Pam
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2023
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Nature knows before the weatherman if spring is on its way. If you are seeing these things now, it surely is right around the corner.
Lovely rhyming entry for this contest. I like the picture and the font you used, as well.
Should Oak be capitalized?
Good luck,
Pam
Comment Written 01-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2023
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Thanks Pam, living in the SE we have enjoyed some early spring like temps, it was 59 degrees, yesterday. I think the font is a bit off visualy the O on Oak capitalized.
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I meant that I didn't think oak should be capitalized, but it's your poem:-)
It's 80 here today (North Florida) and we are already experiencing "spring pollen" - all over our cars and everything else!
Take care,
Pam
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Nice weather, thanks I do get confused now and then. 🙃🙃🙃
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Nice weather, thanks I do get confused now and then. 🙃🙃🙃
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Nice weather, thanks I do get confused now and then. 🙃🙃🙃
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Nice weather, thanks I do get confused now and then. 🙃🙃🙃
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Nice weather, thanks I do get confused now and then. 🙃🙃🙃
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Nice weather, thanks I do get confused now and then. 🙃🙃🙃
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Nice weather, thanks I do get confused now and then. 🙃🙃🙃
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Nice weather, thanks I do get confused now and then. 🙃🙃🙃
Comment from Sugarray77
I adored this poem and the lovely lilting sway of the lines as they bud and grew with the springtime. A very special verse, Jim, for this adorable prompt. I really enjoyed it.
Melissa
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2023
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I adored this poem and the lovely lilting sway of the lines as they bud and grew with the springtime. A very special verse, Jim, for this adorable prompt. I really enjoyed it.
Melissa
Comment Written 01-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2023
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Hi Mellisa, I certainly appreciate your strong validation.
Comment from Mintybee
This poem has the steady rhyme and meter needed for the children's poem contest. The picture with the poem is sweet. The poem feels like a parent talking to a child. "Yes, dear, spring is coming. How do I know? Look, squirrel nests. Look, frogs. Look, birds." Best wishes on your entry.
Mintybee
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2023
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This poem has the steady rhyme and meter needed for the children's poem contest. The picture with the poem is sweet. The poem feels like a parent talking to a child. "Yes, dear, spring is coming. How do I know? Look, squirrel nests. Look, frogs. Look, birds." Best wishes on your entry.
Mintybee
Comment Written 01-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2023
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Mintybee, thanks so much!
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
You are seeing signs of spring already? How wonderful is that, but I expect it depends on where you are in the world. I enjoyed your positive presentation, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2023
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You are seeing signs of spring already? How wonderful is that, but I expect it depends on where you are in the world. I enjoyed your positive presentation, love Dolly x
Comment Written 01-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2023
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Thanks Dolly!living in the SE we have enjoyed some early spring like temps, it was 59 degrees, yesterday.
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Lovely, 15 degrees celsius is not bad at all x x x
Comment from Jim Wile
This is a very nice poem about the welcome coming of spring. You've chosen great images to represent spring. The rhyming is very good too; however, the meter could use some work.
It starts off nicely and sounds like it will be iambic tetrameter with the first two lines, but then gets fairly inconsistent throughout the rest. I believe a consistent meter enhances the overall pleasurability of a poem, especially a children's poem.
For example, to maintain the iambic tetrameter in the first verse, the last 2 lines could be something like:
For weeks there is no hint of snow,
Though skies remain a constant gray.
The challenge of keeping a good meter is finding words that put the beat on the correct syllable, or putting them in an order on a line that puts the beat on the correct syllable. For example, the line:
"The morning's earlier light glows." could be changed to:
"The morning's light comes sooner now."
It's certainly more challenging and may take longer to write a poem with a consistent meter, but it's worth the effort. There can be occasional slight variations with an additional syllable here and there which, when spoken quickly, will still maintain the meter. For example, if the meter is iambic tetrameter, the following line is fine:
"The light of the moon will show the way."
The "of the" can be read quickly and won't detract from the overall cadence. Try to keep that at a minimum, though.
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2023
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This is a very nice poem about the welcome coming of spring. You've chosen great images to represent spring. The rhyming is very good too; however, the meter could use some work.
It starts off nicely and sounds like it will be iambic tetrameter with the first two lines, but then gets fairly inconsistent throughout the rest. I believe a consistent meter enhances the overall pleasurability of a poem, especially a children's poem.
For example, to maintain the iambic tetrameter in the first verse, the last 2 lines could be something like:
For weeks there is no hint of snow,
Though skies remain a constant gray.
The challenge of keeping a good meter is finding words that put the beat on the correct syllable, or putting them in an order on a line that puts the beat on the correct syllable. For example, the line:
"The morning's earlier light glows." could be changed to:
"The morning's light comes sooner now."
It's certainly more challenging and may take longer to write a poem with a consistent meter, but it's worth the effort. There can be occasional slight variations with an additional syllable here and there which, when spoken quickly, will still maintain the meter. For example, if the meter is iambic tetrameter, the following line is fine:
"The light of the moon will show the way."
The "of the" can be read quickly and won't detract from the overall cadence. Try to keep that at a minimum, though.
Comment Written 01-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2023
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Jim, I truly value your comments very much and I will try to massage away some blips.
Comment from RodG
This poem surely expresses the anticipation of Spring as children would know it through observation of the squirrels and birds building nests and the tadpoles now in the pond. I can see their glee. Rod
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2023
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This poem surely expresses the anticipation of Spring as children would know it through observation of the squirrels and birds building nests and the tadpoles now in the pond. I can see their glee. Rod
Comment Written 01-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2023
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Rod, thanks!
Comment from Douglas Goff
This is very nice. I hope it is a premonition of things to come as we are at zero here! Eesh.
I liked this part best:
Some squirrels up the Oak that sways
building a big nest just like pros,
they are hidden from the hawk's gaze.
Great work!
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2023
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This is very nice. I hope it is a premonition of things to come as we are at zero here! Eesh.
I liked this part best:
Some squirrels up the Oak that sways
building a big nest just like pros,
they are hidden from the hawk's gaze.
Great work!
Comment Written 01-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2023
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Doug, thank you so much!
Comment from Moonbeams Musings 55
A great poem about the anticipation of Spring. After the cold of Winter we know that we always have hope that a renewal is coming. I can't wait! Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2023
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A great poem about the anticipation of Spring. After the cold of Winter we know that we always have hope that a renewal is coming. I can't wait! Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 01-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2023
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Thank you for reading my poem.
