Lessons Learned and Spiritual
Viewing comments for Chapter 17 " Beauty of Their Story"Do good and feel good poems
60 total reviews
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
Wonderful poem for the Eye of the Beholder contest. Your poem is heartfelt and inspiring. Some people are so cruel. We need more kindness in the world.
I like the imagery and presentation. The font is very small.
Good luck in the contest.
Gypsy
"The poet waits quietly to paint the unsaid." - Atticus
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2023
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Wonderful poem for the Eye of the Beholder contest. Your poem is heartfelt and inspiring. Some people are so cruel. We need more kindness in the world.
I like the imagery and presentation. The font is very small.
Good luck in the contest.
Gypsy
"The poet waits quietly to paint the unsaid." - Atticus
Comment Written 02-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2023
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Hi MariVale, thank you for all your lovely comments. I do appreciate them all so much. You think my font is too small? Here I was afraid people would think I had a monster poem here. I will try to increase the size one more size bigger/ thank you again
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It is a little small but I get it. You probably want each line to fit in.
Gypsy
Comment from John Ciarmello
This is a perfect entry for this contest. It tells the truth about what makes people uneasy and how they react to what they can't or refuse to take the time to understand. Great Job! Best, JohnC
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2023
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This is a perfect entry for this contest. It tells the truth about what makes people uneasy and how they react to what they can't or refuse to take the time to understand. Great Job! Best, JohnC
Comment Written 02-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2023
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Hi John, thanks for the great review and comments. I appreciate it so very much. You are awesome. Thank you again my dear friend.
Have you ever been so sure that you had written a thank you to someone and then the review comes back next time you come back to the site. This just happened to me about eight people's reviews and I have seen it happened before. Not that I don't want to do it again, lol, but just wondering if anyone else had this happen to. I am guessing tht that it didn't save and I don't remember if I saw it say saved.
Comment from davisr (Rhonda)
This is a touching poem about caring for other people more than you care for yourself. This is good advice for everyone, from the people in your poem, to all of us in Fanstoria.
There are many people who need our compassionate understanding, and your poem carefully points this loving fact out.
Take care,
Rhonda
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2023
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This is a touching poem about caring for other people more than you care for yourself. This is good advice for everyone, from the people in your poem, to all of us in Fanstoria.
There are many people who need our compassionate understanding, and your poem carefully points this loving fact out.
Take care,
Rhonda
Comment Written 02-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2023
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Hi Rhonda,v, thanks Sweetie for the lovely review. It is much apprec Thank you again my awesome friend.
Have you ever been so sure that you had written a thank you to someone and then the review comes back next time you come back to the site. This just happened to about eight people and I have seen it happened before. Not that I don't want to do it again, lol, but just wondering if anyone else had this happen to. I am guessing tht that it didn't save and I don't remember if I saw it say saved.
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I haven?t noticed, but I?ll pay attention. I do know I?ve been reviewing and fallen asleep, then awaken to gibberish I was glad I didn?t send, lol.
Comment from harmony13
The author's words are heartfelt, filled with meaning, are descriptive and
creative. I love the words above the title they are such good advice! The
poem to me shows how judging others is so wrong. The poem flows
and connects well. The artwork to me is symbol of life and confirms once
again that all life needs to be respected. Thank you for an excellent poem.
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2023
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The author's words are heartfelt, filled with meaning, are descriptive and
creative. I love the words above the title they are such good advice! The
poem to me shows how judging others is so wrong. The poem flows
and connects well. The artwork to me is symbol of life and confirms once
again that all life needs to be respected. Thank you for an excellent poem.
Comment Written 02-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2023
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Hi Maria, thanks Sweetie for the lovely review and comments. I appreciate it so very much. You are awesome. Thank you again my awesome friend.
Have you ever been so sure that you had written a thank you to someone and then the review comes back next time you come back to the site. This just happened to about eight people and I have seen it happened before. Not that I don't want to do it again, lol, but just wondering if anyone else had this happen to. I am guessing tht that it didn't save and I don't remember if I saw it say saved.
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Hi Debi, No that hasn't happened to
me yet! But I sometimes I forget if I pressed save so I go back n save it
again! It usually comments then - updated. It might be some kind glitch!
Have a good night!...Maria
Comment from Jim Wile
This is a beautiful poem about kindness and not judging people by first impressions. Such a great message. The rhyming is very good as is most of the iambic heptameter meter, but there are a few places it can be improved, and I would urge you to make them before the judging so that it will flow better.
Make sure the beat is always on the correct syllable of a multi-syllable word as well as never on a word like a or the, because it makes the line sound unnatural. For example, the following line:
"We went to the care center, saying goodbye to mom that day" would read better if it said something like:
"Mom needs a nursing home her doctor said to me one day,"
Sometimes it's okay in an iambic poem to put the beat on the first syllable if it's readily clear how the line should read, as in:
"Why do people look at things and judge from what they think"
But if it's not readily clear how the line will read, the reader may have a false start and have to start reading the line over to keep the meter going, as in this line:
"I'm not bad 'cause how we live, just try, you might like me"
You, yourself will always read it right with the accent on "I'm" because you wrote it, but a first-time reader might try to maintain the iambic meter by putting the accent on "not" which causes a false start. If in doubt about how someone else will read it, make it iambic by inserting an unaccented syllable in front. In this case, putting the word "That" in front of "I'm."
See if you can use both these tips to improve the meter of the following lines at the end:
"When you see some one in need, don't give them a cold shoulder
So learn the beauty in their story; as eye of the beholder."
One final point: The following line would sound better if you said "she is" instead of "she's":
"My son said, she can hear you, she's not delusional."
Writing poems with perfect meter is a challenge and will take you longer until you are quite used to doing it, but it's worth it for the improvement in how they read.
If you would like to make some changes, I would be happy to review it again before you resubmit it. Jim
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2023
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This is a beautiful poem about kindness and not judging people by first impressions. Such a great message. The rhyming is very good as is most of the iambic heptameter meter, but there are a few places it can be improved, and I would urge you to make them before the judging so that it will flow better.
Make sure the beat is always on the correct syllable of a multi-syllable word as well as never on a word like a or the, because it makes the line sound unnatural. For example, the following line:
"We went to the care center, saying goodbye to mom that day" would read better if it said something like:
"Mom needs a nursing home her doctor said to me one day,"
Sometimes it's okay in an iambic poem to put the beat on the first syllable if it's readily clear how the line should read, as in:
"Why do people look at things and judge from what they think"
But if it's not readily clear how the line will read, the reader may have a false start and have to start reading the line over to keep the meter going, as in this line:
"I'm not bad 'cause how we live, just try, you might like me"
You, yourself will always read it right with the accent on "I'm" because you wrote it, but a first-time reader might try to maintain the iambic meter by putting the accent on "not" which causes a false start. If in doubt about how someone else will read it, make it iambic by inserting an unaccented syllable in front. In this case, putting the word "That" in front of "I'm."
See if you can use both these tips to improve the meter of the following lines at the end:
"When you see some one in need, don't give them a cold shoulder
So learn the beauty in their story; as eye of the beholder."
One final point: The following line would sound better if you said "she is" instead of "she's":
"My son said, she can hear you, she's not delusional."
Writing poems with perfect meter is a challenge and will take you longer until you are quite used to doing it, but it's worth it for the improvement in how they read.
If you would like to make some changes, I would be happy to review it again before you resubmit it. Jim
Comment Written 02-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2023
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Awe Jim, you are precious! I can't look at it, at this minute but will in about a half hour. I thought it was all good cause Dolly helped me, but I am going to look at it and take some of your advice too, cause I never did like a couple lines. At to tell you the truth I have been really sick, so my meters are off along with my fevers. Lol... but I can't stop writing so I just doing the best I can until I feel better, or until my lupus puts me back in the hospital. Jim you are the best and yes, I certainly will have you look at it again when I am done. I have another rough draft of a poem that has to be in today, and maybe you wouldn't mind looking at it. It is not blind?? If you gave me your email, or I can copy it and send it to you on pm. It isn't even finished, but maybe some pointers???
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Sorry to hear you're not feeling well. Maybe email would be best. Here is my email address:
jwile123@gmail.com
I'll be here all day, so send it when you're ready.
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Just sent you the email.
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Just sent it again. Let me know if you get this one.
Comment from Ulla
Hi there, this is so very true. You see something band you are quick to judge. But going behind the scene will.often tell you a different story.
I wish you the best of luck with this beautiful poem. Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2023
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Hi there, this is so very true. You see something band you are quick to judge. But going behind the scene will.often tell you a different story.
I wish you the best of luck with this beautiful poem. Ulla:)))
Comment Written 02-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2023
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Hi Ulla. thanks Sweetie for the lovely review and comments. I appreciate it so very much. You are awesome. Thank you again my awesome friend.
Have you ever been so sure that you had written a thank you to someone and then the review comes back next time you come back to the site. This just happened to about eight reviews and I have seen it happened before. Not that I don't want to do it again, lol, but just wondering if anyone else had this happen to. I am guessing tht that it didn't save and I don't remember if I saw it say saved.
Comment from Anne Johnston
What a great entry for this contest. Great rhyming, and it portrays a message we all should heed. In every one of these instances we find two types of people - those who look at outward appearance, and judge, and those who are willing to look beyond and offer love and assistance.
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2023
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What a great entry for this contest. Great rhyming, and it portrays a message we all should heed. In every one of these instances we find two types of people - those who look at outward appearance, and judge, and those who are willing to look beyond and offer love and assistance.
Comment Written 02-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2023
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Hi Anne, thanks for the lovely review and comments. I appreciate it so very much. Thank you again my awesome friend.
Have you ever been so sure that you had written a thank you to someone and then the review comes back next time you come back to the site.
This just happened to about eight people that I remembered writing. I have seen it happened before. Not that I don't want to do it again, lol, but just wondering if anyone else had this happen to. I am guessing that it didn't save and I don't remember if I saw it say saved.
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You are welcome, Debi. I often forget to save each reply separately. I wish this page was set up like the review one, where you can reply to them all and then save them all at once.
Comment from jacquelyn popp
Great poem. This really touched my heart. To have your grandson pushing the wheel chair and helping out, and to stick up for her. This was a wonderful poem, and I enjoyed reading it. The rhyming pattern and flow of your words, you did a really great job with them. Thank you for sharing.
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Great poem. This really touched my heart. To have your grandson pushing the wheel chair and helping out, and to stick up for her. This was a wonderful poem, and I enjoyed reading it. The rhyming pattern and flow of your words, you did a really great job with them. Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 02-Feb-2023
Comment from susand3022
Hello Author,
I really liked this poem and the message that it sends out to so many people. I have worked with disabled people and the thing that nobody realizes is that sometimes the ones that can't communicate, have no control over their bodies, and you figure are a complete mess, are the ones who know more about what's going on than anyone else in the room.
Susan :)
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2023
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Hello Author,
I really liked this poem and the message that it sends out to so many people. I have worked with disabled people and the thing that nobody realizes is that sometimes the ones that can't communicate, have no control over their bodies, and you figure are a complete mess, are the ones who know more about what's going on than anyone else in the room.
Susan :)
Comment Written 02-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2023
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Susan, I wouldn't blame you if you never talked to me again. I am so sorry. I am way behind on my thank yous and then sick all last week with a bad flare. However I do truly appreciate your very kind review and comments, and of course your six stars. Thank you from the bottom of my heart dear friend. And I will get to them all eventually but just wanted you to know how much I appreciate you. Thanks again dear friend.
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No worries Debi, I've been away too... I've currently got 85 messages and counting!!! Holy cow...
And a card game to get to...
Susan 😊
Comment from Teri7
This is a very beautiful and well written poem for the In The Eye of the Beholder contest. You used very good descriptive words that are so full of the truth. We should always have compassion and be kind to those that are worse off than we are. We never know when we may be in that same situation or in a worse one. Best wishes in the contest. Teri
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This is a very beautiful and well written poem for the In The Eye of the Beholder contest. You used very good descriptive words that are so full of the truth. We should always have compassion and be kind to those that are worse off than we are. We never know when we may be in that same situation or in a worse one. Best wishes in the contest. Teri
Comment Written 02-Feb-2023
