Good neighbours
Very helpful33 total reviews
Comment from Robert Rhodes
Hi Wendy, I thought this was quite a good short story with a nice twist, but I didn't feel the language was so authentic perhaps in some parts, lines like "He'd gone to their previous home. The occupants" I think most people would say the owners, or people who live there" instead of occupants, in every day language, and "Apparently they were at college together but had lost touch." It just didn't strike me as a typical conversation or believable in some ways, maybe "he said they were at college together but lost touch". So it wasn't for me, but you did well to craft this in only 100 lines, and I think this won a competition so well done and many people must like it a lot. And like I said, quite a nice twist at that the end. Well done!
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reply by the author on 26-Feb-2023
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Hi Wendy, I thought this was quite a good short story with a nice twist, but I didn't feel the language was so authentic perhaps in some parts, lines like "He'd gone to their previous home. The occupants" I think most people would say the owners, or people who live there" instead of occupants, in every day language, and "Apparently they were at college together but had lost touch." It just didn't strike me as a typical conversation or believable in some ways, maybe "he said they were at college together but lost touch". So it wasn't for me, but you did well to craft this in only 100 lines, and I think this won a competition so well done and many people must like it a lot. And like I said, quite a nice twist at that the end. Well done!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 26-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2023
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Thank you for the review, and for putting thought into it. I appreciate it. And no, the story is not for everyone. One hundred words (not lines) is not much.
The "occupants" aren't necessarily owners; they may well be renting the place, and in Australia we would definitely say the "occupants" , not "the people who live there" (especially if word-limited), and I would definitely use "apparently". I think people have different ways of expressing things in different cultures. But - thank you.
Wendy
Comment from pome lover
good story, but sickening and, definitely a lesson that giving personal information about others to strangers is dangerous, as they found out.
Congratulations on winning and for all time best.
vey good.
Katharine
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2023
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good story, but sickening and, definitely a lesson that giving personal information about others to strangers is dangerous, as they found out.
Congratulations on winning and for all time best.
vey good.
Katharine
Comment Written 11-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2023
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Thank you very much Katharine. Lovely review, and I appreciate the congratulations. Only fiction, but there is certainly a message.
Wendy
Comment from Mary Vigasin
Wendy congratulations on your win. I am sorry I missed this story.
Well done. While this is friction, you can imagine how the neighbors must have felt in giving the murderer the address.
You certainly deserved the win.
Best wishes
Mary
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2023
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Wendy congratulations on your win. I am sorry I missed this story.
Well done. While this is friction, you can imagine how the neighbors must have felt in giving the murderer the address.
You certainly deserved the win.
Best wishes
Mary
Comment Written 09-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2023
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Thank you so much Mary! I appreciate your kind words and congratulations.
Wendy
Comment from Philip Clarke
Congratulations!
I appreciated your story. I did see it coming somewhat,
probably because of my work (and inherent distrust of mankind). What I don't see is how you narrated this in full complete sentences as if you had all the words in the world to tell the story. I was in this contest and attempted a similar story. Mine ended up with chopped sentences and invisible attempts at implied words. I will study your technique, and see you in a future contest. You told a full story in 150 words. Easier said than done. Nice work.
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2023
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Congratulations!
I appreciated your story. I did see it coming somewhat,
probably because of my work (and inherent distrust of mankind). What I don't see is how you narrated this in full complete sentences as if you had all the words in the world to tell the story. I was in this contest and attempted a similar story. Mine ended up with chopped sentences and invisible attempts at implied words. I will study your technique, and see you in a future contest. You told a full story in 150 words. Easier said than done. Nice work.
Comment Written 09-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2023
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Thank you very much Philip, and I appreciate your congratulations. That's a lovely compliment too. You are right, it's not as easy as it looks.
Wendy
Comment from dragonpoet
Hi Wendy,
This story is complete even though it is short. The young man must have been a good actor to make you believe he was so nice. It was a sad and brutal twist at the end.
Keep writing and stay healthy
Congrats on winning the contest.
Joan
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2023
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Hi Wendy,
This story is complete even though it is short. The young man must have been a good actor to make you believe he was so nice. It was a sad and brutal twist at the end.
Keep writing and stay healthy
Congrats on winning the contest.
Joan
Comment Written 09-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2023
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Unfortunately some murderers look very normal, and can be very charming. Fortunately this story was fiction. Thank you for a lovely review, and for the congratulations.
Wendy
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Hi Wendy,
I think a lot is criminals look normal. That is why so many neighbors are so surprised that that man or woman living
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Comment from Contests
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2023
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 A contest winning entry! A seven star rating from the Contest Committee for posting the winning contest entry. |
Comment Written 09-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2023
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Thank you so much for this wonderful honour, greatly valued and appreciated. I am so pleased you enjoyed it!
Wendy
Comment from Bill Schott
This one-hundred-fifty-word flash fiction story, Good Neighbors, is a cautionary tale about giving out too much information to strangers. This time it was fatal. Important story.
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2023
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This one-hundred-fifty-word flash fiction story, Good Neighbors, is a cautionary tale about giving out too much information to strangers. This time it was fatal. Important story.
Comment Written 06-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2023
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Thank you Bill for reviewing. I appreciate it. Yes, fortunately only fiction, but an important message.
Wendy
Comment from JT traveller
Once again, I did not see that coming! I had imagined a fairytale ending being the optimist I am.
Great background stories on the lead characters allows the reader to feel more involved in the story. Great read.
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2023
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Once again, I did not see that coming! I had imagined a fairytale ending being the optimist I am.
Great background stories on the lead characters allows the reader to feel more involved in the story. Great read.
Comment Written 04-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2023
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Thank you VERY much for your super review. Yes, I am afraid it was rather a horrid twist at the end!
Wendy
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😊
Comment from Sherry SG
This was a very interesting, chilling read with a believable twist at the end. All too often I have read fiction entries on this site with twists that are pure gimmicks that are not believable at all, which decreases the credibility of the entire piece. Not here!
However, I was somewhat confused by - "That would be Shelley!"
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2023
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This was a very interesting, chilling read with a believable twist at the end. All too often I have read fiction entries on this site with twists that are pure gimmicks that are not believable at all, which decreases the credibility of the entire piece. Not here!
However, I was somewhat confused by - "That would be Shelley!"
Comment Written 04-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2023
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Thanks you Sherry, great review. When she moved back in with her parents she went by the pet name Shelley (a derivative of Michelle). I'll put that in the notes, in caseanyone else doesn't get it. Thanks for pointing it out.
Wendy
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Oh ! I didn?t know that. Thanks for the clarification. :)
Comment from Father Flaps
Wow! Wendy, I didn't see that coming. What a shocker. As nice as punch to Judy at the door, but little did she know he was lying through his teeth. She was talking to a murderer. I guess this type of thing happens, and we have to guard our tongues to what we reveal to a total stranger.
This is an excellent entry for the Flash Fiction contest. It should be a contender... Good Luck! I counted 150 words exactly.
Hugs,
Kimbob
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2023
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Wow! Wendy, I didn't see that coming. What a shocker. As nice as punch to Judy at the door, but little did she know he was lying through his teeth. She was talking to a murderer. I guess this type of thing happens, and we have to guard our tongues to what we reveal to a total stranger.
This is an excellent entry for the Flash Fiction contest. It should be a contender... Good Luck! I counted 150 words exactly.
Hugs,
Kimbob
Comment Written 03-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2023
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Thank you Kimbob. Your words are very true - we can never tell by appearances. Although it's fiction it's a good reminder! Thank you for the good wishes too.
Wendy
