Change of Scenery
150-word flash15 total reviews
Comment from Mary Shifman
The ending certainly came as a surprise. I'm not sure I'll ever feel quite the same about eating lobster! You story reminds me of a time many years ago when my husband and I had my young niece visiting. We bought lobster and she played with them on the way home. That night she decided to become a vegetarian and is to this day!! It gives the phrase, "Don't play with you food," new meaning.
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2023
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The ending certainly came as a surprise. I'm not sure I'll ever feel quite the same about eating lobster! You story reminds me of a time many years ago when my husband and I had my young niece visiting. We bought lobster and she played with them on the way home. That night she decided to become a vegetarian and is to this day!! It gives the phrase, "Don't play with you food," new meaning.
Comment Written 07-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2023
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Lol... your review made me shake my head laughing! Yes, it does give that phrase new meaning. Thanks so much for taking the time to read and review.
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You are very welcome.
Comment from Jamison Brown
I loved this. The thing that really stood out to me (there were several) was the consistent build to the surprising, and clever, ending. The ride was quick, but lots of fun. You said a lot quickly with no wasted words. As a reader (not a professional writer), I seem to appreciate how a piece is written almost as much as the story. To me, this checks all the boxes. A great use of my time... Kudos!
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2023
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I loved this. The thing that really stood out to me (there were several) was the consistent build to the surprising, and clever, ending. The ride was quick, but lots of fun. You said a lot quickly with no wasted words. As a reader (not a professional writer), I seem to appreciate how a piece is written almost as much as the story. To me, this checks all the boxes. A great use of my time... Kudos!
Comment Written 06-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2023
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Thank you so much, Jamison, for your kind words and the six stars! You made my day! Especially since I'm not sure that others liked this one so much. I appreciate your thorough review and for taking the time to read and comment.
Comment from Olivanne Marsh
Ha! Now I get it, Louis is a lobster. So, the comment below may not apply, since I think perhaps a lobster bored with the scenery in one place and moved to another might not be as aware as I thought Louis was. My question then would be how did Louis get his name? :) You nailed the surprise ending, even if the characterization seems somewhat unrealistic.
"His eyes fixed on various vegetation in numerous shades of green." ***Here is a perfect opportunity to insert specific details that will make the reader see what you describe. Call out the vegetation Louis can see, (for example a stand of birch trees surrounded by elder bushes) and then name the numerous shades of green (for example birch trees with their moss green leaves and white trunks and the elder bushes with their hunter green leaves.
Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2023
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Ha! Now I get it, Louis is a lobster. So, the comment below may not apply, since I think perhaps a lobster bored with the scenery in one place and moved to another might not be as aware as I thought Louis was. My question then would be how did Louis get his name? :) You nailed the surprise ending, even if the characterization seems somewhat unrealistic.
"His eyes fixed on various vegetation in numerous shades of green." ***Here is a perfect opportunity to insert specific details that will make the reader see what you describe. Call out the vegetation Louis can see, (for example a stand of birch trees surrounded by elder bushes) and then name the numerous shades of green (for example birch trees with their moss green leaves and white trunks and the elder bushes with their hunter green leaves.
Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 06-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2023
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Yes, Louis is a lobster, named by a bored store worker trying to pass the time. As to the greens, they were types of lettuce and herbs on the kitchen counter sitting outside his tank. Thanks for taking the time to read and review.
Comment from jessizero
EEP!!! This was well-told and it built up to that surprise ending. I was very upset, but I'm sure you meant to evoke a strong reaction. Thanks for sharing, and best wishes to you.
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2023
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EEP!!! This was well-told and it built up to that surprise ending. I was very upset, but I'm sure you meant to evoke a strong reaction. Thanks for sharing, and best wishes to you.
Comment Written 05-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2023
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Lol... yeah, I wanted it to be a surprise. I'm not sure I achieved what I wanted from others' reactions thought. I appreciate you taking the time to read and review.
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
I think you did a good job with this finely written piece. There's a little awkwardness in a couple of places but the ending sort of makes sense of that.
That's a nice turnaround at the end.
Best of luck to you
GMG
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2023
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Hi there,
I think you did a good job with this finely written piece. There's a little awkwardness in a couple of places but the ending sort of makes sense of that.
That's a nice turnaround at the end.
Best of luck to you
GMG
Comment Written 05-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2023
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Thanks for taking the time to read and review. If you have time, which places?
Comment from leather
Somehow I figured that Lewis was an orphan. However, the illustration looked different from a lobster tank or window, so I was unprepared for the ending--I almost felt misled.
This is an interesting write.
Thank you
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2023
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Somehow I figured that Lewis was an orphan. However, the illustration looked different from a lobster tank or window, so I was unprepared for the ending--I almost felt misled.
This is an interesting write.
Thank you
Comment Written 04-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2023
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Sometimes having a picture can be a detriment especially for flash stories. I appreciate you taking the time to read and write.
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
Well as they say you may get what you wished for,
so be careful what you ask for, right? You did a great
job, Faith, with your contest entry. Your words painted
a picture from beginning to end--too bad for Louis though.
The twist at the end was unexpected.
Thanks for sharing and best wishes in the contest, Jan
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2023
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Well as they say you may get what you wished for,
so be careful what you ask for, right? You did a great
job, Faith, with your contest entry. Your words painted
a picture from beginning to end--too bad for Louis though.
The twist at the end was unexpected.
Thanks for sharing and best wishes in the contest, Jan
Comment Written 04-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2023
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Thanks so much, Jan, for your kind words. I appreciate you taking the time to read and review.
Comment from jacquelyn popp
Great story. You did a good job with the descriptive words that you used. You did well with creating the imagery. Nicely done with the flow of your words. Well done. Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2023
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Great story. You did a good job with the descriptive words that you used. You did well with creating the imagery. Nicely done with the flow of your words. Well done. Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 04-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2023
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Thank you, Jacquelyn, for your kind words. I appreciate you taking the time to read and review.
Comment from Bill Schott
This flash fiction story, Change of Scenery, finds Louis Lobster moving on up to the big time and fulfilling his destiny. Pass the butter, please.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2023
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This flash fiction story, Change of Scenery, finds Louis Lobster moving on up to the big time and fulfilling his destiny. Pass the butter, please.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 04-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2023
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Thanks for taking the time to read and comment. Any suggestions for improvement?
Comment from lyenochka
Oh? Was Louis a lobster who was laid on a bed of lettuce at the end? It was the "hot steam bath" that added some color to his drab shell color, I'm guessing. That was a most surprising ending. Best wishes in the contest!
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2023
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Oh? Was Louis a lobster who was laid on a bed of lettuce at the end? It was the "hot steam bath" that added some color to his drab shell color, I'm guessing. That was a most surprising ending. Best wishes in the contest!
Comment Written 04-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2023
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Yes, Louis was a lobster. Thanks for taking the time to read and review.
