Here's my question
After the first session28 total reviews
Comment from Father Flaps
Hi Wendy,
Losing a pet is extremely hard. We've been through it many times... we've had to say goodbye to 3 cairn terriers (Annie, Willie and Gracie), and our Maine Coon cats (Max and Roger). When you have to put them down, it's so difficult. Our female cairn terriers lived to be about 16 years old, but poor Willie only made it to 11. We think the neighbors poisoned him, but we can't prove it. Max and Roger were beautiful Maine Coons, but both had cancer after 12 years.
I have heard that getting a new dog or cat helps with the grieving process. I'm not sure about a visiting dog.
It sounds like Sunny is already a hero. I'm glad you are working with him, yet still finding a little bit of time for Fanstory!
Nicely penned! Thanks for sharing.
Hugs,
Kimbob
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2023
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Hi Wendy,
Losing a pet is extremely hard. We've been through it many times... we've had to say goodbye to 3 cairn terriers (Annie, Willie and Gracie), and our Maine Coon cats (Max and Roger). When you have to put them down, it's so difficult. Our female cairn terriers lived to be about 16 years old, but poor Willie only made it to 11. We think the neighbors poisoned him, but we can't prove it. Max and Roger were beautiful Maine Coons, but both had cancer after 12 years.
I have heard that getting a new dog or cat helps with the grieving process. I'm not sure about a visiting dog.
It sounds like Sunny is already a hero. I'm glad you are working with him, yet still finding a little bit of time for Fanstory!
Nicely penned! Thanks for sharing.
Hugs,
Kimbob
Comment Written 08-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2023
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Thank you, my friend. A lovely review, and grieving a pet is very difficult because many people don't understand. I just thought it strange that she would be left without any support, human or dog, but perhaps she had already said she didn't want anyone near her. I think Sunny would have just lain down at her feet, given the chance, and perhaps she would have been comforted to know that he understood and wanted to help.
Wendy
Wendy
Comment from Faith Williams
Aww, sounds like Sunny was brilliant his first day on the job.
I have never worked in a day program, but I worked in group homes for years. Many things could have been going on:
--She refused the offer to go to the other room even though it might have been the best option for her
--There was a previous incident you are unaware of
--Sometimes people have difficulty processing emotions in the moment. When you try to help them when too many stimuli are present (in this case, the dogs), their behavior escalates. It is sometimes better to debrief once the stimuli are removed to help them process things. If she refused the offer to go to the other room, the best option for staff may have been to let her be for the moment (knowing previous reactions to similar circumstances). Otherwise, escalation by one has the unintended consequence for the others that the dogs will leave before their scheduled time. (This situation has happened numerous times where I worked--not necessarily with dogs, but similar extracurriculars.) It can be difficult balancing the needs of everyone.
I once worked with a client who when she was upset escalated into jumping and screaming when anybody was in the room with her. The best course of action was to make sure she was not a danger to herself and let her calm down. Only then could you have a conversation with her.
Many times, others chewed me out for not reacting to clients and clients' behaviors as they believed I ought to. They didn't realize I followed the support plan put in place by the support team. Not a fun place to find yourself.
Your compassion and empathy are admirable, but please be aware there may be much more to the story. Sorry if that was too long.
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2023
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Aww, sounds like Sunny was brilliant his first day on the job.
I have never worked in a day program, but I worked in group homes for years. Many things could have been going on:
--She refused the offer to go to the other room even though it might have been the best option for her
--There was a previous incident you are unaware of
--Sometimes people have difficulty processing emotions in the moment. When you try to help them when too many stimuli are present (in this case, the dogs), their behavior escalates. It is sometimes better to debrief once the stimuli are removed to help them process things. If she refused the offer to go to the other room, the best option for staff may have been to let her be for the moment (knowing previous reactions to similar circumstances). Otherwise, escalation by one has the unintended consequence for the others that the dogs will leave before their scheduled time. (This situation has happened numerous times where I worked--not necessarily with dogs, but similar extracurriculars.) It can be difficult balancing the needs of everyone.
I once worked with a client who when she was upset escalated into jumping and screaming when anybody was in the room with her. The best course of action was to make sure she was not a danger to herself and let her calm down. Only then could you have a conversation with her.
Many times, others chewed me out for not reacting to clients and clients' behaviors as they believed I ought to. They didn't realize I followed the support plan put in place by the support team. Not a fun place to find yourself.
Your compassion and empathy are admirable, but please be aware there may be much more to the story. Sorry if that was too long.
Comment Written 08-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2023
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Thank you Faith for your insightful review. Yes, you are right, there's often a much bigger background than what is immediately apparent. I just thought she was looking very lonely and not included. Sunny may well have just gone to sit near her, and it may have been a step of comfort for her to know he understood. So long as it is not others making decisions for her simply because she is disabled, without asking her (she is verbal). I appreciate your thoughts.
Wendy
Comment from Pearl Edwards
I would have thought if she was in the room then to include her with the interaction would have been the best.I am thinking of my first visit with friends in Adelaide after my husband died, some of them, I felt, treated me like that lady was treated, believe me that wasn't helpful. What a lovely program for you and Sunny, your oh so cute dog.
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2023
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I would have thought if she was in the room then to include her with the interaction would have been the best.I am thinking of my first visit with friends in Adelaide after my husband died, some of them, I felt, treated me like that lady was treated, believe me that wasn't helpful. What a lovely program for you and Sunny, your oh so cute dog.
Comment Written 08-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2023
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Thank you for your very lovely and empathetic review. You understand because you have been in a similar position. I would have liked to see what Sunny did, he's very intuitive re offering comfort, without intruding, and it wouldn't matter if she cried.
Wendy
Comment from Sarah Tummey
Love and comfort sounds better to me than leaving someone alone in their grief, having had people walk away in the past when my pain has been too much for them. Perhaps your supervisor felt unable to cope with this lady, for some reason. It would be sad to think of her living somewhere and not getting the support she needs, so I hope you manage to talk more on another visit and aren't shepherded away again.
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2023
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Love and comfort sounds better to me than leaving someone alone in their grief, having had people walk away in the past when my pain has been too much for them. Perhaps your supervisor felt unable to cope with this lady, for some reason. It would be sad to think of her living somewhere and not getting the support she needs, so I hope you manage to talk more on another visit and aren't shepherded away again.
Comment Written 07-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2023
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I hope so. Thank you for a very understanding and empathetic review. I think the best idea would have been to allow Sunny to be free to go to her. If he had "chosen" her and just lay down at her feet, she would have known that he understood and cared, which might have been a good first step. The other key is to ask the person herself rather than make assumptions on her behalf.
Wendy
Comment from Bill Schott
This article, Here's My Question, is a neat story about your experience with this program and the positive impact it is having. Your pride for your own fur baby was in gear. Yes, denying the interaction with a dog would seem to be the antithesis of what would help the woman.
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2023
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This article, Here's My Question, is a neat story about your experience with this program and the positive impact it is having. Your pride for your own fur baby was in gear. Yes, denying the interaction with a dog would seem to be the antithesis of what would help the woman.
Comment Written 07-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2023
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Thank you Bill. That was my initial reaction too. Some people said that she might have chosen to be alone. Yet there was another room adjacent where she could have spent the time if she'd wanted to be alone. I think humans make assumptions before they ask. I think she would have been comforted in some measure if S had "chosen" her, and lay down at her feet, not intruding but letting her know he understood and cared.
Wendy
Comment from T B Botts
Hello Wendy,
Thanks for sharing this about Sunny. I'm sure he's a natural. It sounds like he knew when to take a break as well, that's good. While I don't know the woman or the supervisor, I'm with you. It would seem that having a dog to hug would be an asset for someone who has lost their beloved pet. Perhaps she'll come again and the opportunity to speak with her will come up. I'm sure that you two will do splendidly. Have a blessed day.
Tom
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2023
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Hello Wendy,
Thanks for sharing this about Sunny. I'm sure he's a natural. It sounds like he knew when to take a break as well, that's good. While I don't know the woman or the supervisor, I'm with you. It would seem that having a dog to hug would be an asset for someone who has lost their beloved pet. Perhaps she'll come again and the opportunity to speak with her will come up. I'm sure that you two will do splendidly. Have a blessed day.
Tom
Comment Written 06-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2023
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Thank you Tom. I hope so. I think Sunny would have chosen to just lie down near her feet, and that would have been okay and enough to give her some comfort, a first step. Maybe next time. I appreciate your words and encouragement.
Wendy
Wendy
Comment from Anne Johnston
Thank you for sharing this experience, Wendy. Every situation is different, but like you, I think there were better ways of helping her than just leaving her alone. Who knows, Sunny, could have been the comfort she needed.
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2023
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Thank you for sharing this experience, Wendy. Every situation is different, but like you, I think there were better ways of helping her than just leaving her alone. Who knows, Sunny, could have been the comfort she needed.
Comment Written 06-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2023
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Thank you Anne. I think if he had just had a moment to lie by her feet, she would have felt that he chose to be with her, and comfort her, even if she did cry. They are so very intuitive, and they seem to know what is best.
Wendy
Comment from Liz O'Neill
He's smarter than we humans: " he walked away by himself, choosing to go under the billiard table." You were very perceptive: "I asked her if she was okay, and she simply said "No." I suspected this. Every time I see a puppy, I think of my 18 year old puppy, Bea, & realize I'm getting my puppy fix. You pose some good questions. I guess I would ask her.
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2023
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He's smarter than we humans: " he walked away by himself, choosing to go under the billiard table." You were very perceptive: "I asked her if she was okay, and she simply said "No." I suspected this. Every time I see a puppy, I think of my 18 year old puppy, Bea, & realize I'm getting my puppy fix. You pose some good questions. I guess I would ask her.
Comment Written 05-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2023
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Thank you Liz for your perceptive review. Greatly appreciated. We'll see what happens next time. I think Sunny would have offered non-intrusive comfort by just lying down at her feet.
Wendy
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That is wonderful that he's passing the tests
Comment from Spitfire
Sunny sounds like a perfect therapy dog. I quite agree that the lady could connect with her after her dog passed away. I cried for her and cursed the supervisor. Hopefully you will have a chance another day.
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2023
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Sunny sounds like a perfect therapy dog. I quite agree that the lady could connect with her after her dog passed away. I cried for her and cursed the supervisor. Hopefully you will have a chance another day.
Comment Written 05-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2023
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Thank you so much for your lovely review. It's always difficult, but I think priority should be given to the instincts of the dog. They are intuitive and know how to comfort grieving people, even if they don't understand the cause of the distress. Maybe next week.
Wendy
Comment from kahpot
Let the poor lady cry, as you have pointed out being in the same room with the dogs, this I think maybe her first step, and she might need some encouragement to take the next one, tears can be for relief and happiness, what an excellent story, very well written****kahpot
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2023
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Let the poor lady cry, as you have pointed out being in the same room with the dogs, this I think maybe her first step, and she might need some encouragement to take the next one, tears can be for relief and happiness, what an excellent story, very well written****kahpot
Comment Written 05-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2023
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Thank you Kahpot. Yes, it's okay to cry, especially if you can feel the warmth and love of another dog whle doing so. Dogs are intuitive, know how to handle such things better than us humans. I appreciate your review.
Wendy
