Heart Crafted Poems - 2023
Viewing comments for Chapter 18 "Earth's Garden"Musing of an old man
26 total reviews
Comment from June Sargent
Yes, and what a mess we find ourselves in when Man was to be the caretaker of this beautiful planet. Earth's garden will be restored someday when things are done His way. I enjoyed this irregular ode to the original Eden.
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2023
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Yes, and what a mess we find ourselves in when Man was to be the caretaker of this beautiful planet. Earth's garden will be restored someday when things are done His way. I enjoyed this irregular ode to the original Eden.
Comment Written 14-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2023
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June thanks, While not up to the par of your wonderful entry it was challenging to give it go!
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
The first three lines have such a magical metre and I was hoping it was going to be carried through the rest of the write. I know this is an irregular ode, but there is little sign of the iambic metre here. However the first two lines are in trochaic metre followed by iambic and this combination works really well, and if the fifth line had rhymed with the second line, it would have highlighted something musical. This is just my opinion. I know you have written poems with iambic metre successfully before and I can't understand why this one is not in perfect metre?
Having said all that, I just love your word choices and descriptions, your sentiment and your skilful thought process throughout this write, it is only the metre that lets it down. The last line is quite magical.
Love Dolly x
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2023
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The first three lines have such a magical metre and I was hoping it was going to be carried through the rest of the write. I know this is an irregular ode, but there is little sign of the iambic metre here. However the first two lines are in trochaic metre followed by iambic and this combination works really well, and if the fifth line had rhymed with the second line, it would have highlighted something musical. This is just my opinion. I know you have written poems with iambic metre successfully before and I can't understand why this one is not in perfect metre?
Having said all that, I just love your word choices and descriptions, your sentiment and your skilful thought process throughout this write, it is only the metre that lets it down. The last line is quite magical.
Love Dolly x
Comment Written 14-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2023
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Dolly, dear friend you are so correct ... I found myself caught up in the rhymne and not the meter, I certainly can do better and will surely revisit is. ill send a PM witha revision and get your thoughts as always you are my ROCK!
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I will be happy to re-review this when you update it John, you have such a talent with words, it is a shame to let your poems down because of the metre x x x
Comment from Jesse James Doty
This is an irregular mode with an irregular story of how we have hurt mother nature with the bombs and disease and all the trouble we have thrown at her she still keeps coming back. Mother nature knows how to deal with us and our terrible ways. So I say to you step up for the eagles and trees which have both come to the fore when all the horrible things we throw at them keep rising up.
Jesse
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2023
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This is an irregular mode with an irregular story of how we have hurt mother nature with the bombs and disease and all the trouble we have thrown at her she still keeps coming back. Mother nature knows how to deal with us and our terrible ways. So I say to you step up for the eagles and trees which have both come to the fore when all the horrible things we throw at them keep rising up.
Jesse
Comment Written 14-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2023
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Jesse, spot on!
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Yes! Mother nature bits back when she is fooled!
Jesse
Comment from patcelaw
This is a beautiful riding for the club entry. It is well written, and it flows well when it is read aloud. I enjoyed it very much. I do wish you the very best in life. Your presentation is beautiful. God bless and have a good day. Patricia.
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2023
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This is a beautiful riding for the club entry. It is well written, and it flows well when it is read aloud. I enjoyed it very much. I do wish you the very best in life. Your presentation is beautiful. God bless and have a good day. Patricia.
Comment Written 14-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2023
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Patricia thank you!
Comment from Sarah Das Gupta
The picture is great and complements the poem! If Adam and Eve began to wreck Eden, we've certainly completed the demolition! I think you need to check the apostrophes in 'Earth's' and 'animals' for typo errors.
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reply by the author on 14-Feb-2023
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The picture is great and complements the poem! If Adam and Eve began to wreck Eden, we've certainly completed the demolition! I think you need to check the apostrophes in 'Earth's' and 'animals' for typo errors.
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 14-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2023
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Sarah, thanks, While not up to the par with my other work this was challenging and I tried to give it go! I'll spend time polishing this in the coming days.
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Best wishes!
Comment from Tom Horonzy
.... i know not what to say. What was Edenic has gone away but had it stayed as it was, you and I and everyone else ... I don't believe, would be here today for the pair had no knowledge of what to do to fulfill His command to ""Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth," would they?
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reply by the author on 14-Feb-2023
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.... i know not what to say. What was Edenic has gone away but had it stayed as it was, you and I and everyone else ... I don't believe, would be here today for the pair had no knowledge of what to do to fulfill His command to ""Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth," would they?
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 14-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2023
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Well said!
