Comment from tfawcus

Exceptional

Most effective rhythmically. Your alliteration of p and your circular repetitions suggest the mindless thumping of the automata, driving their sound into the brain. I found the sardonic humour of the last line particularly telling in view of the power crisis caused by the current war in Ukraine.

 Comment Written 04-Mar-2023

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reply by the author on 06-Mar-2023

Thanks again for the exceptional review and all your continued support for my work. estory

Comment from harmony13

Excellent

The author's words are very interesting! As I read the author's notes - it all made so much sense! I reread the poem after I read the author's notes. I found there was a steady hammering rhythm as the author describes the production line throughout the poem! The poem flows and connects well. Great Poem! Hope you are doing well!....Maria

 Comment Written 03-Mar-2023

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reply by the author on 06-Mar-2023

Thanks for the excellent review and I am glad I got across that hammering rhythm of the assembly line. estory

Comment from Jasmine Girl

Excellent

I didn't know that you are also a musician. Yes. But Tesla uses robots to do all the boring work so we human can have fun. I watched the demo at Tesla Investor Day and it was very impressive that how they are innovating all the time.

Well done.

 Comment Written 02-Mar-2023

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reply by the author on 03-Mar-2023

Thanks for the excellent review and for your perspective on my piece. But my theme here is that there is something that is sapping our souls in this world in which we live in all these mechanical, machine controlled rhythms. estory

Comment from dragonpoet

Good

Hi estory,
This poem use repetition to show how assembly lines and other things in life are constantly repeating. This sounds like the making of computers to or cars me. Though it could be almost anything.
Keep writing and stay healthy.
Joan

This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 02-Mar-2023

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reply by the author on 03-Mar-2023

Thanks for the good review and for letting me know the mechanical rhythm seemed to work in creating this sense of production on an automated assembly line. estory

reply by dragonpoet on 03-Mar-2023

You?re very welcome, ratify.
Joan

PS I my you would like to, can you please give me your first name?

Comment from BethShelby

Excellent

Your created the monotous rhythm of a machine which too much of would drive most creative people crazy. The way to stop the monotony is to cut the power. The power is the one essential. There must be a life lesson somewhere in that fact. It was about the only line you didn't repeat.

 Comment Written 01-Mar-2023

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reply by the author on 03-Mar-2023

Thanks for the excellent reveiw and for your perspective on the poem., This is a different way of writing poetry, a style or format that relies on repeating phrasing and repetition of rhythms to create music rather than rhyme scheme or regular meter. estory

Comment from jake cosmos aller

Excellent

you captured the soulless monotonous nature of the assembly line that turns workers into interchangeable labor units, that soon will be replaced by robots - the assembly line will soon have no human workers. i would have made this an anti-robot rant.

 Comment Written 01-Mar-2023

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reply by the author on 03-Mar-2023

Thanks for the excellent review and your perspective. This is an anti robot anti tech rant. The whole book is anti tech. I hoped that would come through in the writing. Robots might make life more convenient, but also more soulless. And we humans need to work, to have some meaning and purpose to our lives. All these young people today who sit around and play video games wonder why they are so depressed. That's one of the reasons. estory

Comment from Jim Wile

Excellent

I thought this was a terrific poem. I felt like I was right there watching the rhythmic motion of the assembly line working away to create the products that we all enjoy.

I didn't get the soullessness you spoke of. Instead, I saw man's wonderful creations that have taken over the tedium of many jobs that in the past provided an income only, but nothing in the way of a fulfilling job. Man's ingenuity in creating these machines has freed others to seek more fulfilling jobs that they can be proud to do. At the same time, this automation has created many products that would have been too costly in the past that many more can now afford.

 Comment Written 01-Mar-2023

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reply by the author on 03-Mar-2023

Thanks for the excellent review and for your perspective on my piece and my theme. estory

Comment from Mintybee

Excellent

This poem has a very different style. I appreciated the explanation in your author's notes. You captured two elements of assembly lines: the monotony, and the repetitive nature. As someone who has worked in a factory, the one thing you're missing is the hurry. Assembly lines are an infuriating mix of tedium and stress. You captured the tedium, but not the stress. I'm not sure how you'd do that, but it's something to keep in mind as you experiment with poetry that seeks to capture an experience. I like this experiment.
Mintybee

 Comment Written 01-Mar-2023

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reply by the author on 03-Mar-2023

Thanks for the excellent review and for your interesting perspective on the piece. Your unique background brought up something I hadn't been aware of that I should have been. I'll have to think about that. Stress certainly is a part of this scene and I'll have to think of ways to integrate it into a piece like this. estory

Comment from susand3022

Excellent

A nicely done poem.
I used to work on an assembly line, and it's not just the machines that work like that. Come to think of it, I've worked on more than one assembly line... I've done 4 or 5... some of it piecework. That's a rough job... you've got to be fast while you do the mundane. Someday, the price of power will be too much, and they'll realize that it's better to let the people back on the slide lines.
Susan :)

 Comment Written 01-Mar-2023

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reply by the author on 03-Mar-2023

Thanks for the excellent review and for your perspective on my poem. Someone else also talked about the stress on assembly lines and I think I will have to find a way of writing that into pieces like this. That element belongs there estory

Comment from Ulla

Excellent

Hi estory, I really liked this poem. It's typical of that unique style of yours. The staccato of the mashine and its lack of soul comes through loud and clear. You are so good at these. All best, Ulla:)))

 Comment Written 01-Mar-2023

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reply by the author on 03-Mar-2023

Thanks for the excellent reveiw and for all the support over all the years, putting up with what must seem to many people like 'boring' poetry. I guess in some ways it is, but I also feel strongly about this theme and have to articulate it. The next book will be much more lyrical. estory

reply by Ulla on 03-Mar-2023

Oh but I have never tired of it. It IS a unique style, and I do like it a lot. Ulla:)))