Comment from Jim Wile

Excellent

This was a very interesting and well-written story about a man with an affliction that is probably more common than we know. How many times have we spotted a homeless person without knowing their backstory and how they came to this point in their lives.

It's sad that many of them have never received the help they need to be able to make more of their sad lives. Well-told, K. I wonder if he ever got any help. Jim

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I think you meant "wandering" instead of "wondering."

 Comment Written 23-Mar-2023

---

reply by the author on 23-Mar-2023

Don?t know. It was rather sad to watch this person. Of course there is some creative liberties taken with the story but the take-away was that this person suffered from a mental illness. Thanks for reading and the time to review.

Comment from eliz100

Excellent

This is a very interesting piece of writing. As a psych nurse, I saw many patients with schizophrenia. You did a good job describing it. There is one edit, "wondering (wandering) the neighborhood." Have a blessed day.

 Comment Written 23-Mar-2023

---

reply by the author on 23-Mar-2023

Thanks. I mess that word up all the time. Appreciate the nice review and comments.

Comment from Julie Lau

Excellent

Kaiku, thank you for this very interesting and revealing window into the outpourings of a schizophrenic mind. You should do well in the competition. All the best, Julie Lau

 Comment Written 23-Mar-2023

---

reply by the author on 23-Mar-2023

Thanks for your stars and nice review.

Comment from Dolly'sPoems

Excellent

What a shame for this poor guy in the video. These people are often vulnerable to thugs on the streets who make fun and can hurt them. This is an unusual write, very entertaining, love Dolly x

 Comment Written 23-Mar-2023

---

reply by the author on 23-Mar-2023

Thanks. It?s a writing prompt that asked for something a bit out of the ordinary. Hopefully I delivered. Thanks for the nice review.

Comment from lyenochka

Excellent

I think you made Jovic a rather endearing character and I feel sorry for him. It seems he has to deal with mean and uncaring people as well as some kind ones despite his mental issues.

In your notes:
or physcotic person might face in there day to day life. (psychotic ...their)

 Comment Written 23-Mar-2023

---

reply by the author on 23-Mar-2023

Additions being made for clarification. Reread tomorrow if you would.

Comment from lancellot

Average

Well, I suppose this is a person speaking to themself. You have an interesting idea for the contest. But, as far as the script aspect goes, you are missing script elements and formatting. I would suggest some rewrites.

 Comment Written 22-Mar-2023

---

reply by the author on 23-Mar-2023

I know. I am setting the scene to answer the prompt. Come back and check the additions tomorrow.

reply by the author on 23-Mar-2023

I think you`ll find more clarity in the updated version.

Comment from Bill Schott

Excellent

This script, The Bus Leaving from Split, sets up a great example of the neurotic settling in with regular folks. The addition inset of the twitching myoclonus would certainly amplify the visual.

 Comment Written 22-Mar-2023

---

reply by the author on 23-Mar-2023

Providing a little clarification to clear up any unknowns.