Working Title
The journey of a young woman's clairvoyant awakening.11 total reviews
Comment from karenina
Congratulations on the win! I read this and had "life events" rudely interrupt my reviewing time. (smile) I wanted to stop by and tell you what a great job you've done and encourage you to "gift" us with more!
(OH, let it be a black out from which she emerges with more story to tell!)
Karenina
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Congratulations on the win! I read this and had "life events" rudely interrupt my reviewing time. (smile) I wanted to stop by and tell you what a great job you've done and encourage you to "gift" us with more!
(OH, let it be a black out from which she emerges with more story to tell!)
Karenina
Comment Written 03-Jul-2023
Comment from Alexandra Trovato
You wrote a superior chapter and, although I was attempting to win this contest, also, I see why you won. Your words were clear, easy.for the reader to understand.
You had one main focus, the box, and an interesting side story, the betrayal and failed relationship. This all led to the question of who you really are, and then you are knocked out, as you were struggling to move on the treacherous hill, full of snow and ice. You made the wrong moves and lost control, hit your head, blacked out. Now a reader can anticipate would you ending up back at the E.R.. i couldn't bear perfect. I'm okay with that.
I will work harder, using some examples of your good writing. Enjoy your well-deserved WIN! Best Wishes!
Alexandra
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You wrote a superior chapter and, although I was attempting to win this contest, also, I see why you won. Your words were clear, easy.for the reader to understand.
You had one main focus, the box, and an interesting side story, the betrayal and failed relationship. This all led to the question of who you really are, and then you are knocked out, as you were struggling to move on the treacherous hill, full of snow and ice. You made the wrong moves and lost control, hit your head, blacked out. Now a reader can anticipate would you ending up back at the E.R.. i couldn't bear perfect. I'm okay with that.
I will work harder, using some examples of your good writing. Enjoy your well-deserved WIN! Best Wishes!
Alexandra
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Comment Written 02-Jul-2023
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
I'm not surprised you won the contest, I've just read your entry and it is a worthy winner. Well done. I hope you are going to continue the story as I'd like to know how she copes with her new gift. Again, Congrats! :) Sandra xx
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I'm not surprised you won the contest, I've just read your entry and it is a worthy winner. Well done. I hope you are going to continue the story as I'd like to know how she copes with her new gift. Again, Congrats! :) Sandra xx
Comment Written 02-Jul-2023
Comment from Contests
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 A contest winning entry! A seven star rating from the Contest Committee for posting the winning contest entry. |
Comment Written 02-Jul-2023
Comment from Mary Shifman
This is an excellent first chapter! I'm really glad it is a first chapter, too. I thought it was a short story and when I reached the end, I was bummed until I realized that there is more to come! I hope you post it on site cause I want to know what happens to Bell. Good luck in the contest!
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2023
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This is an excellent first chapter! I'm really glad it is a first chapter, too. I thought it was a short story and when I reached the end, I was bummed until I realized that there is more to come! I hope you post it on site cause I want to know what happens to Bell. Good luck in the contest!
Comment Written 28-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2023
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Thank you so much for your feedback! It's wonderful to hear how much people are liking it and encourages me to work on it more! Trust me, there is definitely more to come!
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You are welcome. I'm looking forward to the next chapter.
Comment from w.j.debi
I've started reading this several times, but got interrupted each time. Finally, I got a break so I could finish it.
This is an intriguing story. You put us in the physical environment by including sensory details and descriptions. The dialog is believable and reveals the personality of the characters as well as helping us understand Bell's mood and motivation. Bell and her twin have a great connection and relate well together, playful chiding each other as siblings do. The break-up scene is effective. Great cliff-hanger ending.
I think you mean 'know' instead of 'now' in the following:
It was such a strange thing to say, given that they never actually met her, but it didn't feel strange because she knew what he meant. They did (k)now her. Somehow, they knew her.
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2023
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I've started reading this several times, but got interrupted each time. Finally, I got a break so I could finish it.
This is an intriguing story. You put us in the physical environment by including sensory details and descriptions. The dialog is believable and reveals the personality of the characters as well as helping us understand Bell's mood and motivation. Bell and her twin have a great connection and relate well together, playful chiding each other as siblings do. The break-up scene is effective. Great cliff-hanger ending.
I think you mean 'know' instead of 'now' in the following:
It was such a strange thing to say, given that they never actually met her, but it didn't feel strange because she knew what he meant. They did (k)now her. Somehow, they knew her.
Comment Written 28-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2023
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Thank you so much! This is something I've been working on for a while now. I have more chapters but I'm just trying to work out some kinks. I really appreciate your input. And thank you for the typo correction. I'll be sure to get that fixed!
Comment from jmdg1954
I wish I had a six star left to award for this writing. You honestly had me from the first paragraph. The name, Campbell to me is perfect! Especially shortened to Bell.
I've enjoyed how the father got the twins to know the mother so well through there lives.
Correction needed-
She took her foot off the gas and pressed the [break] slightly. (brake)
I noticed the incorrect brake numerous times.
I hope to see more chapters on this story. Best of luck in the contest.
John
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2023
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I wish I had a six star left to award for this writing. You honestly had me from the first paragraph. The name, Campbell to me is perfect! Especially shortened to Bell.
I've enjoyed how the father got the twins to know the mother so well through there lives.
Correction needed-
She took her foot off the gas and pressed the [break] slightly. (brake)
I noticed the incorrect brake numerous times.
I hope to see more chapters on this story. Best of luck in the contest.
John
Comment Written 28-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2023
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Wow! Thank you so much for your kind words! It took me a long time to come up with the name Campbell so I am gratified that you enjoyed it so much. Also, thank you for the spelling correction. I am the absolute worst speller and rely pretty heavily on spell check. Doesn't work so well when the word is spelled right but you're using the wrong word.
There will definitely be more chapters! Thanks again for your feedback!
Comment from Ricky1024
This was well written rich in Theme and Imagery.
It also, read well and Flowed well with no Grammar Issues.
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My Complete Synopsis:
The Adjective and Objective Contents were both Excellent and Exceptional while Descriptive Measures aligned Perfectly.
Thanks for sharing this and have a great day.
Doctor Ricky
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2023
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This was well written rich in Theme and Imagery.
It also, read well and Flowed well with no Grammar Issues.
...
My Complete Synopsis:
The Adjective and Objective Contents were both Excellent and Exceptional while Descriptive Measures aligned Perfectly.
Thanks for sharing this and have a great day.
Doctor Ricky
Comment Written 28-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2023
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This is very useful feedback. Thank you so much for taking the time to give it!
Comment from Sarah Das Gupta
This is an excellent first chapter. It sustains the interest of the reader; The dialogue is well used. The main character is interesting and her background developed. It ends at a dramatic point, leaving the reader wanting to read more!
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2023
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This is an excellent first chapter. It sustains the interest of the reader; The dialogue is well used. The main character is interesting and her background developed. It ends at a dramatic point, leaving the reader wanting to read more!
Comment Written 27-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2023
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Thank you so much for your feedback. This is the first book that I have ever tried to write so it's nice to get some input from someone other than my wife and sister! Many thanks!
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Well done! I think the important thing is does the reader want to go on reading!
Good luck from UK
Comment from Julie Lau
You write well Amanda. Are you going to step up the action in later chapters perhaps, with a bit of crime or mystery? Always appeals. Just one thing: brakes, not breaks. All the best, Julie Lau
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reply by the author on 27-Mar-2023
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You write well Amanda. Are you going to step up the action in later chapters perhaps, with a bit of crime or mystery? Always appeals. Just one thing: brakes, not breaks. All the best, Julie Lau
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 27-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2023
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Thank you so much for your feedback! Thank you for the spelling correction. I am admittedly a terrible speller! Yes, I plan to set up the action later on. I first want to introduce the two main characters and then meet them up. The book will feature the two MCs as members of a private investigating firm and the cases they'll work with one main case that will feature throughout the book. I have not developed the cases yet so any suggestions would be wonderful! Many, many thanks!!
