Life's Sweetest Rewards
Viewing comments for Chapter 9 "Dancing in the Rain"A collection of life's memorable cherished moments
3 total reviews
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
This is a real celebration of music, movement and love. I like the way the theme of gentle rain is carried through the verse, almost in concert with the rhythm of the dance, enhancing with colour (rainbow) and tactile sensation (raindrops) the mood and spirit of the piece. Good length as well. Well done, Debbie
  |
This is a real celebration of music, movement and love. I like the way the theme of gentle rain is carried through the verse, almost in concert with the rhythm of the dance, enhancing with colour (rainbow) and tactile sensation (raindrops) the mood and spirit of the piece. Good length as well. Well done, Debbie
Comment Written 19-Apr-2023
Comment from Tom Horonzy
Much better. WEll done. NOthing more to do but wait for the next shower.
Tom
The story told explodes with fervor. Two lovers in each other's arms dancing in the rain is insane but that is what happens when love strikes like lightning. It a good story, yet a conjunction, here and there, for me, fit poorly. Poetic license is yours, and no ill intent is intended. I would have written a few lines differently. Like, in line eight is 'our' needed? Line ten:
forever found instead ever profound ... or "Our supreme love is so profound." Lastly, shoo-in is less sophisticated than adults dancing in the rain. Good luck.
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2023
|
Much better. WEll done. NOthing more to do but wait for the next shower.
Tom
The story told explodes with fervor. Two lovers in each other's arms dancing in the rain is insane but that is what happens when love strikes like lightning. It a good story, yet a conjunction, here and there, for me, fit poorly. Poetic license is yours, and no ill intent is intended. I would have written a few lines differently. Like, in line eight is 'our' needed? Line ten:
forever found instead ever profound ... or "Our supreme love is so profound." Lastly, shoo-in is less sophisticated than adults dancing in the rain. Good luck.
Comment Written 18-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2023
-
Tom,
Thank you for your helpful review. I forget you are also a hopeless romantic like me. I made a few changes per your comments. I hope if flows better.
All the best,
Eugene
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
This is a lovely romantic poem, Bermybye. Dancing in the rain is so sweet, feeling the rain on your face. I can just imagine the feeling. I'll try it one day when I can get my hubby out in the rain! Well done, my friend, it's truly lovely. :)) Sandra
|
This is a lovely romantic poem, Bermybye. Dancing in the rain is so sweet, feeling the rain on your face. I can just imagine the feeling. I'll try it one day when I can get my hubby out in the rain! Well done, my friend, it's truly lovely. :)) Sandra
Comment Written 18-Apr-2023
