Comment from Tom Horonzy

Excellent

Well done
Had fun?
Kept me on the run
Nicely done loop poem
You certainly had grown
Since a year ago compositionally. Tfdrsrxtfrxfcfxdxgcfxgcrxgcgcgcgcfcgcgvgcgvc

 Comment Written 08-May-2023

Comment from DeboraDyess

Excellent

Hi Gene!
I'm gonna start by admitting that this poetic form is definitely not my favorite. I don't like repetition in anything and that's a big component of the loop poem. lol And, I'm not sure and don't have time to check today, but I think the rhyme scheme for this is supposed to be abab. I could be wrong so don't change anything until you look.
I LOVE, love, love the first line! All of the poems paints beautiful imagery but that first line... It is, as my granddad used to say, a hum-dinger. (No, I don't know exactly what that means or where it originated but it does mean 'super'. ð??? )
It's a nice poem and worth the 5 stars. I didn't see errors, loved the images, and know it should do well in the contest. Just make sure and check that rhyme scheme. I had to go in and completely rewrite mine for the same reason.
Blessings!
Deb

 Comment Written 08-May-2023

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reply by the author on 09-May-2023

Deb,

Thank you for the helpful review. The rhyme scheme is abcb. Where ought I check and correct the rhyme in accord with the rules?

All the best,

Eugene

reply by DeboraDyess on 09-May-2023

Gene, I just glanced at the poem. Sadly, if the rhyme scheme is abcb, you'll probably have to rewrite the whole thing, as I did. But don't freak out. Just think 'synonym'. For example:
Rainbows daydream in technicolor HUES (a)
Hues splashed color enchanting the skies (b)
Skies full of kaleidoscopic light on high (c)
High above red dreams of floral warmth (This should be 'b', or rhyme with 'skies)
You could say something like 'where florals lie', or 'High above white clouds where no love dies' or something. It's tough!
Eliminate the double spaces between the 4-line stanza but double space before the next 4-line stanza. If you change the last word of stanza 1 (line 4), you'll have to start the next line differently but, again, think of simple synonyms first, then dive off the deep end into something that fits the other lines. For this first example, I'll go with
Lie with the flavoring of sweet orange fruit
etc.
You want to try to keep the essence of the poem while adjusting to the standards set forth by the contest rules. Not easy but not impossible.
I hope this helps!
Go for it, man! You can do it!

Comment from Debbie D'Arcy

Excellent

These loops are not easy and to express so much about this theme in a wealth of imagery and colour is particularly skilful. Your verse has a dream-like quality about it which transfixes the reader and sends out a message of hope and happiness. Thanks for sharing. Debbie

 Comment Written 08-May-2023

Comment from patcelaw

Excellent

This is a very good loop poem for the contest. I wish you the very best with all of your writing. I am not particularly a fan of the loop poetry, but yours did very well when it was read out loud. Have a good day, and God bless, Patricia.

 Comment Written 08-May-2023

Comment from Lea Tonin1

Excellent

This is a lovely example of loop poetry, very well written. It's great a great picture.Too! Your loops are spread all the way through.
"Hues splashed color enchanting the skies" my favorite!
I see no grammatical issues and it's aesthetically pleasing with your pretty picture. You have no suggestion for changes. It's great just the way it is. There's so much talent on this site. It's difficult to critique something that's so great like yours. I hope you have an awesome day!

 Comment Written 08-May-2023