Life's Sweetest Rewards
Viewing comments for Chapter 21 "Butterflies, Butterflies"A collection of life's memorable cherished moments
2 total reviews
Comment from Tom Horonzy
You have a special talent that lets a reader feel the words you choose to write. That's a gift, but for me, you often stick in words that don't add a thing and I think, the work submitted needs time to ferment awhile, then to be reread and parsed again before releasing it publicly.
For instance, (imply) isn't needed in line three, (so) in 5 is also superflous
as is (such) in 8, (a) in ten and (stunning) in 12 seem misplaced.
I am not an educated man of creative writing, therefore my suggestions should be taken with a grain of thought, but I do know how often I reread what I write later and fine tune it again and again.
Be well my island friend from Charlotte.
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You have a special talent that lets a reader feel the words you choose to write. That's a gift, but for me, you often stick in words that don't add a thing and I think, the work submitted needs time to ferment awhile, then to be reread and parsed again before releasing it publicly.
For instance, (imply) isn't needed in line three, (so) in 5 is also superflous
as is (such) in 8, (a) in ten and (stunning) in 12 seem misplaced.
I am not an educated man of creative writing, therefore my suggestions should be taken with a grain of thought, but I do know how often I reread what I write later and fine tune it again and again.
Be well my island friend from Charlotte.
Comment Written 12-May-2023
Comment from Jesse James Doty
Yes, as your bio says you are very talented at poetry. This captures the essence of butterflies on their beautiful winged flight and sends them over the trees and filling the blue sky. I love the alliterative nature of the poem and its rhymes are done very well. This tells me all I need to see and do about fanning you.
The shared multi-pictures of the many different butterflies are wonderous to behold.
Jesse
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Yes, as your bio says you are very talented at poetry. This captures the essence of butterflies on their beautiful winged flight and sends them over the trees and filling the blue sky. I love the alliterative nature of the poem and its rhymes are done very well. This tells me all I need to see and do about fanning you.
The shared multi-pictures of the many different butterflies are wonderous to behold.
Jesse
Comment Written 12-May-2023
