Guided by Faith
Viewing comments for Chapter 14 "Faith Chapter 11 A"Can faith guide our path?
37 total reviews
Comment from Paul McFarland
The reader is getting anxious about this relationship. I suspect that you have a surprise in store from either Seth or Emma. Please don't kill off any dogs.
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2023
  |
The reader is getting anxious about this relationship. I suspect that you have a surprise in store from either Seth or Emma. Please don't kill off any dogs.
Comment Written 04-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2023
-
No dogs will be killed in any of my stories. In this story a dog does get hurt but will recover. As for Seth and Emma's relationship, it will take a while. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from estory
Seth is looking out for Emma, and she is slowly warming up to him and his kindness, it seems. The dialogue moves everything along in a natural gait. As always, you have strong characters well defined and the tensions and attractions between them work to pique our interest...estory
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2023
|
Seth is looking out for Emma, and she is slowly warming up to him and his kindness, it seems. The dialogue moves everything along in a natural gait. As always, you have strong characters well defined and the tensions and attractions between them work to pique our interest...estory
Comment Written 04-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2023
-
Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Jim Wile
Ooo, I can see that first kiss coming pretty soon now. Seth is already having trouble keeping his hands off her and had to check himself, and Emma has the excuse of rubbing lotion on his back. You are tantalizing us now, Barbara!
Seriously, this is a very endearing story about these two who really seem to complement each other: he the strong, confident but tightly-wound type, she the more light-hearted, free spirit type who can get him to loosen up. It's unfortunate what she's being put through now, but it is serving to draw them closer together.
I'm really enjoying this. Jim
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2023
|
Ooo, I can see that first kiss coming pretty soon now. Seth is already having trouble keeping his hands off her and had to check himself, and Emma has the excuse of rubbing lotion on his back. You are tantalizing us now, Barbara!
Seriously, this is a very endearing story about these two who really seem to complement each other: he the strong, confident but tightly-wound type, she the more light-hearted, free spirit type who can get him to loosen up. It's unfortunate what she's being put through now, but it is serving to draw them closer together.
I'm really enjoying this. Jim
Comment Written 04-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2023
-
Thank you for the encouragement.
Comment from Katherine M. (k-11)
Coming in cold once again, it's the small things that jump out at me:
weak verbs like 'went' would be better replaced by an action verb walked, backed off etc (its when Emma was avoiding Seth) / precisions: A waitress, Leslie > Another waitress, Leslie / care with tense reflected by contractions: we're closing > we were closing / At a couple of points (eg Emma's parents looking at the shop next door) I'd have used the past perfect tense.
Having said all that, the story is fine, and you should be happier with your writing. I'm looking forwards to sticking around from now on. kay
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2023
|
Coming in cold once again, it's the small things that jump out at me:
weak verbs like 'went' would be better replaced by an action verb walked, backed off etc (its when Emma was avoiding Seth) / precisions: A waitress, Leslie > Another waitress, Leslie / care with tense reflected by contractions: we're closing > we were closing / At a couple of points (eg Emma's parents looking at the shop next door) I'd have used the past perfect tense.
Having said all that, the story is fine, and you should be happier with your writing. I'm looking forwards to sticking around from now on. kay
Comment Written 04-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2023
-
Thank you for the help. I will check those areas.
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
Hi Barbara, I can't really add any criticism. Your chapter, as ever, reads well. I'm glad you broke it in two because I think it's important to stick to an average length which will keep the reader's attention. The progress between Seth and Emma is possibly a little frustrating although I understand that they are both very proper in their outlook and that any more intimate liaison might not be acceptable given Seth's job. I wonder if one were reading the entire book whether Emma's statement with the details being spelled out again (while useful in our context) might be a bit too repetitive and slow down pace of the story. But I'm really scratching around here. Your characters are excellently portrayed and likeable and I keep reading so that's the main thing! Thanks, Debbie
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2023
|
Hi Barbara, I can't really add any criticism. Your chapter, as ever, reads well. I'm glad you broke it in two because I think it's important to stick to an average length which will keep the reader's attention. The progress between Seth and Emma is possibly a little frustrating although I understand that they are both very proper in their outlook and that any more intimate liaison might not be acceptable given Seth's job. I wonder if one were reading the entire book whether Emma's statement with the details being spelled out again (while useful in our context) might be a bit too repetitive and slow down pace of the story. But I'm really scratching around here. Your characters are excellently portrayed and likeable and I keep reading so that's the main thing! Thanks, Debbie
Comment Written 04-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2023
-
Thank you for the kind review. I like to spend time building strong relationships. I feel that's important.
Comment from lancellot
This is a well written chapter, in what seems like a Slice of Life story.
notes:
His eyes met his buddy's. "Don't ask how I know any of this."
-Just a suggestion. These are young men. Emma is an attractive single young woman. It is natural and normal for Seth or other men (which they don't do) to be attracted to and pursue her. Men wouldn't be shy or ashamed of it. or act these people do. Do you really think they are acting/speaking age appropriate?
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2023
|
This is a well written chapter, in what seems like a Slice of Life story.
notes:
His eyes met his buddy's. "Don't ask how I know any of this."
-Just a suggestion. These are young men. Emma is an attractive single young woman. It is natural and normal for Seth or other men (which they don't do) to be attracted to and pursue her. Men wouldn't be shy or ashamed of it. or act these people do. Do you really think they are acting/speaking age appropriate?
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 04-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2023
-
I do think so because Seth is attempting to ignore his feeling for Emma and doesn't want to imply anything about it. I'll see if anybody else comments on that area. Thank you for the kind review.
-
I do understand that. But why ignore his feelings. He is a man, single, working, in his late twenties. He should, have a man's, let's call them feelings, if not desires. (not saying jump in the sack, but they are still human adults. That is never really shown.)
-
He's ignoring it because he helped raised his sister when his parents died. His sister is the same age as Emma. That will soon come out.
Comment from Jasmine Girl
It must be hard for Seth, the policy chief to deal with Emma whom he also admires. I enjoy this romance you are writing and will try to read more of it.
Well done.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2023
|
It must be hard for Seth, the policy chief to deal with Emma whom he also admires. I enjoy this romance you are writing and will try to read more of it.
Well done.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 04-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2023
-
Thank you for the kind review.
