A Mermaid's Tale or Tail
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "A Mermaid's Tale or Tail"A teenager has a huge decision to make that will d
16 total reviews
Comment from Liz O'Neill
This seems to be a foreshadowing. Birthmarks can be significant. They sometime are markers for past like wounds. That would be a great survey. We will see how things go in thenext chapter. Do you plan to write more chapters?
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2023
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This seems to be a foreshadowing. Birthmarks can be significant. They sometime are markers for past like wounds. That would be a great survey. We will see how things go in thenext chapter. Do you plan to write more chapters?
Comment Written 09-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2023
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I have posted chapter two and I am working on chapter three. Thank you for reading and reviewing. I appreciate the many stars. Have a blessed day.
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good to hear, I have it on my list
Comment from Niyuta
It is a dialogue filled episode that gives a reader quick understanding of the scene. Not knowing prior scenario, it is bit difficult to imagine what the theme of this novel likely to be. Very precise and crisp dialogues make it interesting.
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2023
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It is a dialogue filled episode that gives a reader quick understanding of the scene. Not knowing prior scenario, it is bit difficult to imagine what the theme of this novel likely to be. Very precise and crisp dialogues make it interesting.
Comment Written 05-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2023
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Chapter one is the beginning. Thank you for reading and reviewing. I appreciate the many stars.
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You are welcome. Dialogue writing is a good way to begin a story and I hope it will lead to getting acquainted with the plot.
Comment from w.j.debi
An interesting introduction with four friends in high school. I am assuming the title will become revel ant later as there is nothing about mermaids in this chapter.
Did you accidently past some of the paragraphs twice after making some edits? I noticed the story started over about midway through with some slight changes.
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2023
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An interesting introduction with four friends in high school. I am assuming the title will become revel ant later as there is nothing about mermaids in this chapter.
Did you accidently past some of the paragraphs twice after making some edits? I noticed the story started over about midway through with some slight changes.
Comment Written 27-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2023
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Thank you for reading and reviewing. I will review again, thanks for pointing that out. I was going back and forth between google doc and Fanstory.
Comment from JSD
Lovely writing. Great creation of character and scene, leaving me wanting more. A thought-provoking opening and four clear characters who clearly have much ahead of them. Thank you.
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2023
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Lovely writing. Great creation of character and scene, leaving me wanting more. A thought-provoking opening and four clear characters who clearly have much ahead of them. Thank you.
Comment Written 14-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2023
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Thank you for reading and reviewing.I appreciate the many stars. Have a blessed day.
Comment from Alexandra Trovato
You start a story that's interesting to kids and it's also compelling. You leave the reader wondering what will happen next. excellent writing I like the dialogue and descriptions. Best wishes!
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2023
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You start a story that's interesting to kids and it's also compelling. You leave the reader wondering what will happen next. excellent writing I like the dialogue and descriptions. Best wishes!
Comment Written 13-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2023
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Thank you for reading and reviewing. I appreciate the many stars. Have a blessed day.
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
You have a good beginning here for a chapter, but it is a little too short and should end as they encounter some kind of problem. So far there is nothing to suggest that anything interesting is going to happen. You also will want to do a little better proofreading. Some errors I found are: . . . bed(,) while Seana . . . . . . she was studying(. ")Every spare . . . . . . still plus one(?" ) Most of us don't say I will, we say I'll. . . . at the game(.") . . . my birthday(.") Best of luck with this.
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2023
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You have a good beginning here for a chapter, but it is a little too short and should end as they encounter some kind of problem. So far there is nothing to suggest that anything interesting is going to happen. You also will want to do a little better proofreading. Some errors I found are: . . . bed(,) while Seana . . . . . . she was studying(. ")Every spare . . . . . . still plus one(?" ) Most of us don't say I will, we say I'll. . . . at the game(.") . . . my birthday(.") Best of luck with this.
Comment Written 10-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2023
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Thank you for reading and reviewing. I appreciate the feedback. I will correct those issues. Have a blessed day.
Comment from Ric Myworld
This aimed at an age group that I can just barely remember, but I must add that it's nice to take a walk in my mind back in time to those days that seemed so hard, but were really only the beginning. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2023
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This aimed at an age group that I can just barely remember, but I must add that it's nice to take a walk in my mind back in time to those days that seemed so hard, but were really only the beginning. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 10-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2023
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Thank you for reading and reviewing. I appreciate the many stars. Have a blessed day.
Comment from jmdg1954
Hi. I think you have a good beginning to a middle school story. Couple of things... (1) I believe the contest calls for 2000 word minimum for the contest. I don't want to see you negated from the contest.
(2) if you expand to the word minimum, add something mysterious, or something to grab the young readers attention early on.
Cheers,
John
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2023
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Hi. I think you have a good beginning to a middle school story. Couple of things... (1) I believe the contest calls for 2000 word minimum for the contest. I don't want to see you negated from the contest.
(2) if you expand to the word minimum, add something mysterious, or something to grab the young readers attention early on.
Cheers,
John
Comment Written 10-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2023
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Thank you for reading and reviewing. I missed that 2000 word count but I will fix that. Thanks for the many stars. Have a blessed day.
Comment from royowen
Yes, I think my youngest daughter is a little like Seana, very athletic, but a private person, but someone worth knowing, but with lots of character, but doesn't run with the crowd, this is beautifully written my friend, well done, good luck, blessings Roy
Typo : we table that (or) tommorripow.
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2023
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Yes, I think my youngest daughter is a little like Seana, very athletic, but a private person, but someone worth knowing, but with lots of character, but doesn't run with the crowd, this is beautifully written my friend, well done, good luck, blessings Roy
Typo : we table that (or) tommorripow.
Comment Written 10-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2023
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Thank you for reading and reviewing. I appreciate the many stars. Have a blessed day.
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Well done
Comment from LJbutterfly
I'm guessing your characters started their high school, rather than college freshman year, a year ago, since one of the girls is going to be 16 and your book will be geared toward middle school readers. The story line is developing nicely. Middle school girls should easily relate to the concerns of your characters.
Don't forget to add some type of mystery or problem in the beginning so a teenager skimming through the first pages won't put the book down. Best wishes with the book and the contest.
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2023
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I'm guessing your characters started their high school, rather than college freshman year, a year ago, since one of the girls is going to be 16 and your book will be geared toward middle school readers. The story line is developing nicely. Middle school girls should easily relate to the concerns of your characters.
Don't forget to add some type of mystery or problem in the beginning so a teenager skimming through the first pages won't put the book down. Best wishes with the book and the contest.
Comment Written 10-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2023
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Thank you for reading and reviewing. I appreciate the many stars. Have a blessed day.
