Donnie Huberant: The Story
Viewing comments for Chapter 8 "Windmill 3"Fiction about High School Senior
2 total reviews
Comment from Ricky1024
This Milestone was well written Rich in Theme and Imagery.
It also, read well and flowed well with no Grammar Issues.
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My Complete Synopsis:
The Adjective and Objective Contents were both Excellent and Exceptional while Descriptive Measures Aligned Perfectly.
Thanks for sharing this and have a great day.
Doctor Ricky
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2023
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This Milestone was well written Rich in Theme and Imagery.
It also, read well and flowed well with no Grammar Issues.
...
My Complete Synopsis:
The Adjective and Objective Contents were both Excellent and Exceptional while Descriptive Measures Aligned Perfectly.
Thanks for sharing this and have a great day.
Doctor Ricky
Comment Written 14-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2023
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Thank you!!! for the feedback
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Thank you!!! for the feedback
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Thank you!!! for the feedback
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
Jonathan, am I right in thinking that the italics are Donnie's thoughts so he is effectively speaking out loud with intervening unsaid thoughts? I'm a bit confused here. Is he supposed to be a bit autistic? Think I could do with some notes perhaps. Grandma I understand fully or at least a lot better and I was getting into the flow of it with her story. As usual, your writing is without errors (although I wondered in the last para whether it should have been 'departing' as opposed to 'parting') The length is a whole lot better. I like the characters but just remain a bit perplexed (maybe it's me!) Thanks for sharing. Debbie
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2023
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Jonathan, am I right in thinking that the italics are Donnie's thoughts so he is effectively speaking out loud with intervening unsaid thoughts? I'm a bit confused here. Is he supposed to be a bit autistic? Think I could do with some notes perhaps. Grandma I understand fully or at least a lot better and I was getting into the flow of it with her story. As usual, your writing is without errors (although I wondered in the last para whether it should have been 'departing' as opposed to 'parting') The length is a whole lot better. I like the characters but just remain a bit perplexed (maybe it's me!) Thanks for sharing. Debbie
Comment Written 13-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2023
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Well, I suppose you're mainly talking about the first paragraph where Donnie heads to the first floor to watch TV. As for being autistic that is something I didn't set in my vocabulary. He is in fact talking to himself kind of troubled not knowing what to do so he's like "alright I'll resort to watching TV" because of boredom as no one wanted to entertain his thoughts. The words he's saying is one after another. So he verbally states his boredom and then internally debates whether he wants to watch TV. if that was unclear?
As for the Powerpuff girls in italics maybe they should be in quotes. idk. it's coming from the TV. He is i suppose kinda talking to the TV
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If it offers any further clarification as I feel I might be confusing myself now, the italicized words are slightly mumbled but it's unintelligible so I was told to use italics? given the words are undecipherable because it's to himself?
