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Viewing comments for Chapter 13 "The Anteater and the Hummingbird"Humorous characters
3 total reviews
Comment from Iza Deleanu
Wow, such a pretty story. This constant inquiry going back to the eternal question what am I, and what are thee;) Thank you for sharing and good luck with your writings and the contest.
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2023
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Wow, such a pretty story. This constant inquiry going back to the eternal question what am I, and what are thee;) Thank you for sharing and good luck with your writings and the contest.
Comment Written 07-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2023
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Thank you for the 5 stars and encouragement.
Comment from Paul Manton
Michelle, your poem is utterly enchanting. I have a postcard on my desk, similar to this of Jesus and the animals - I wish I knew who painted yours, but I don't. (Because of the choice of animals, I would say it was English, but we rarely see red cardinals.)
What an interesting paring - is there a precedent for these two - something like an Aesop's Fable? If not, Michelle, you have just written a fable of your own.
You have chosen to write in quatrains with two beats in most lines (occasionally three) with a strict abab rhyme scheme. It works well and it is accurately achieved.
I saw no problems until we get to 'He will always stay', which looks like an incomplete idea - or maybe a typo. I would recommend using this opportunity to lift your poem with an 'enjambment' - that is running the sentence over two lines (not stopping at the end of the line). So: "I can just be . . . . . . . . . -ay" I could spend ten minutes suggesting examples, but it is your poem, so it's your choice. In its present state, that line is weak - but you only replace something if you find something better.
No fixes for our dear humming bird.
Thanks again, for your lovely fable - I shan't forget the anteater or the humming bird.
Paul
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2023
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Michelle, your poem is utterly enchanting. I have a postcard on my desk, similar to this of Jesus and the animals - I wish I knew who painted yours, but I don't. (Because of the choice of animals, I would say it was English, but we rarely see red cardinals.)
What an interesting paring - is there a precedent for these two - something like an Aesop's Fable? If not, Michelle, you have just written a fable of your own.
You have chosen to write in quatrains with two beats in most lines (occasionally three) with a strict abab rhyme scheme. It works well and it is accurately achieved.
I saw no problems until we get to 'He will always stay', which looks like an incomplete idea - or maybe a typo. I would recommend using this opportunity to lift your poem with an 'enjambment' - that is running the sentence over two lines (not stopping at the end of the line). So: "I can just be . . . . . . . . . -ay" I could spend ten minutes suggesting examples, but it is your poem, so it's your choice. In its present state, that line is weak - but you only replace something if you find something better.
No fixes for our dear humming bird.
Thanks again, for your lovely fable - I shan't forget the anteater or the humming bird.
Paul
Comment Written 07-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2023
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Thank you so much and I welcome any thoughts you have. I agree that the line is weak and will work with it. My plan is to publish my animal poems, as I call them, in a small book with illustrations by an illustrator I know. The anteater and hummingbird came to me suddenly and then I realized that they were about the most opposite types of creatures I could imagine. Thank you for calling it a fable! I look forward to more reviews by you, if you have time.
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With great pleasure, Michelle.
I hope your book will be fabu-lous.
Paul
Comment from JSD
Excellent. Spiritual but with metaphor and some excellently chosen language. The ideas here are perfect and encapsulated in effortless rhyme and rhythm. Well done.
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2023
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Excellent. Spiritual but with metaphor and some excellently chosen language. The ideas here are perfect and encapsulated in effortless rhyme and rhythm. Well done.
Comment Written 07-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2023
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Thank you. That is encouraging.
