Dancing Ballerina
She dances while she struggles with heartbreak.10 total reviews
Comment from Loretta Bigg
This is very beautiful. The only thing I would change is all the repetitions of the word dance. There are so many words that could replace that word and give the poem more visibility, like glide steps turns, etc. It's an idea anyway. Everything else is great.
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This is very beautiful. The only thing I would change is all the repetitions of the word dance. There are so many words that could replace that word and give the poem more visibility, like glide steps turns, etc. It's an idea anyway. Everything else is great.
Comment Written 15-Jul-2023
Comment from royowen
I sometimes think a natural dancer is born, like my granddaughter, who's a champion dancer. My wife also, I'm not, although I'm a musician, this is beautifully written my friend, an excellent post. Beautifully written, blessings Roy
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I sometimes think a natural dancer is born, like my granddaughter, who's a champion dancer. My wife also, I'm not, although I'm a musician, this is beautifully written my friend, an excellent post. Beautifully written, blessings Roy
Comment Written 15-Jul-2023
Comment from harmony13
I enjoyed the poem. The author's words showed determination and
creativity. The words were descriptive and meaningful. The last line
gives the reader a positive thought to think about! The artwork is lovely
and compliments this poem. Great Poem, Jacquelyn!
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2023
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I enjoyed the poem. The author's words showed determination and
creativity. The words were descriptive and meaningful. The last line
gives the reader a positive thought to think about! The artwork is lovely
and compliments this poem. Great Poem, Jacquelyn!
Comment Written 13-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2023
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Thank you for taking the time to read and comment on my poem. Thank you for the stars. They are appreciated. I am glad that you enjoyed reading it. Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from Mintybee
This is a beautiful poem about a very different way to deal with grief. The free verse style works well in allowing you to give each line the time and space it needs. Your poem and the theme it explores are lovely.
Mintybee
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2023
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This is a beautiful poem about a very different way to deal with grief. The free verse style works well in allowing you to give each line the time and space it needs. Your poem and the theme it explores are lovely.
Mintybee
Comment Written 13-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2023
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Thank you for reading my poem, and your kind review. Thank you for the stars. They are much appreciated.
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
This is deeply moving with some good advice too, dancing away our troubles is a wonderful way to prevent drowning in our sorrows. A beautiful write Jacquelyn, much enjoyed and very uplifting, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2023
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This is deeply moving with some good advice too, dancing away our troubles is a wonderful way to prevent drowning in our sorrows. A beautiful write Jacquelyn, much enjoyed and very uplifting, love Dolly x
Comment Written 13-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2023
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Thank you for taking time to read my poem. Thank you for your kind review, and encouraging too. Thank you for the stars. They are appreciated.
Comment from Alexandra Trovato
Cool. I was in highschool in the 80s, too. This is an excellent well written poem and it makes sense. Most people unfortunately know the heartache of trying to distract yourself and trying to keep positive while your heart might be breaking. Best wishes!
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Cool. I was in highschool in the 80s, too. This is an excellent well written poem and it makes sense. Most people unfortunately know the heartache of trying to distract yourself and trying to keep positive while your heart might be breaking. Best wishes!
Comment Written 13-Jul-2023
Comment from Eleri
This is a beautiful poem and I like the way you repeat 'dance/dancing'. The flow is a bit disjointed but I think that accentuates the idea of dancing so suits this poem well.
Eleri
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This is a beautiful poem and I like the way you repeat 'dance/dancing'. The flow is a bit disjointed but I think that accentuates the idea of dancing so suits this poem well.
Eleri
Comment Written 13-Jul-2023
Comment from Paul Manton
This is an interesting but enigmatic poem, Jacqueline, with many disparate elements. When I saw the ballerina in the black dress, I thought of Odile, the black swan in Tchaikovsky's masterpiece.
You have chosen to repeat 'dance' and its cognates multiple times in this poem. That is usually a risk that fails - so I am reading it again to see if you succeeded. I think that 'Dancing' beginning line 4 needs to go, giving you a better shot at the alliteration.
Then in 'illuminous' you have coined a potmanteau word - being both 'luminous' and 'illuminated' - use it if you want it - unless you really meant just 'luminous'. I have no problem with your original original!
Dancing in the light/of dancing doesn't work: try instead,"Dancing in the light of candles/Lanterns lit from above," and run that on into the next line.
'From when' is a bit clunky - just lose the 'from' - I think it works.
I would reverse 'yet to' into 'to yet'.
The last idea was reminiscent of 'Cinderella' (Prokofiev?) and the ending made it even more poignant.
Thank you for my artistic adventure, Jacquelyn.
Took me back to Covent Garden days.
Paul
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2023
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This is an interesting but enigmatic poem, Jacqueline, with many disparate elements. When I saw the ballerina in the black dress, I thought of Odile, the black swan in Tchaikovsky's masterpiece.
You have chosen to repeat 'dance' and its cognates multiple times in this poem. That is usually a risk that fails - so I am reading it again to see if you succeeded. I think that 'Dancing' beginning line 4 needs to go, giving you a better shot at the alliteration.
Then in 'illuminous' you have coined a potmanteau word - being both 'luminous' and 'illuminated' - use it if you want it - unless you really meant just 'luminous'. I have no problem with your original original!
Dancing in the light/of dancing doesn't work: try instead,"Dancing in the light of candles/Lanterns lit from above," and run that on into the next line.
'From when' is a bit clunky - just lose the 'from' - I think it works.
I would reverse 'yet to' into 'to yet'.
The last idea was reminiscent of 'Cinderella' (Prokofiev?) and the ending made it even more poignant.
Thank you for my artistic adventure, Jacquelyn.
Took me back to Covent Garden days.
Paul
Comment Written 13-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2023
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Thank you for reading my poem. Thank you for the suggestions to help me improve. They are helpful. Thank you for the stars. They are appreciated.
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Thank you for the memories you evoked for me, Jacquelyn - and for the vote.
Best wishes, Paul
Comment from JT traveller
A well composed poem. Thank you for sharing it with us readers. You must have been enjoying writing poetry for many years now.
I found the different forms of the word dance a little repetitive but another way to look at it is that it serves to reinforce the concept in the reader's mind.
I am certainly no expert and I enjoyed your poem. J
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A well composed poem. Thank you for sharing it with us readers. You must have been enjoying writing poetry for many years now.
I found the different forms of the word dance a little repetitive but another way to look at it is that it serves to reinforce the concept in the reader's mind.
I am certainly no expert and I enjoyed your poem. J
Comment Written 13-Jul-2023
Comment from Iza Deleanu
These lines striked me:"And she dances with heartache
Perhaps to clear her mind, or to escape.
Unaware of the time
She dances, yet to another song.
Before she realizes
That it is almost dawn.
And reflects in her many thoughts
That it is better to dance, then to weep." I remember I was dealing the same way with my heartache.
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These lines striked me:"And she dances with heartache
Perhaps to clear her mind, or to escape.
Unaware of the time
She dances, yet to another song.
Before she realizes
That it is almost dawn.
And reflects in her many thoughts
That it is better to dance, then to weep." I remember I was dealing the same way with my heartache.
Comment Written 13-Jul-2023
