That Year
Sonnet27 total reviews
Comment from Isabel Fontes
This poem is truly magnificent.
The way it describes the bird's healing process is simply beautiful.
I found great pleasure in reading it and was especially impressed by the exquisite literary references.
The second half of the line is impressive.
Well done.
reply by the author on 25-Aug-2023
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This poem is truly magnificent.
The way it describes the bird's healing process is simply beautiful.
I found great pleasure in reading it and was especially impressed by the exquisite literary references.
The second half of the line is impressive.
Well done.
Comment Written 25-Aug-2023
reply by the author on 25-Aug-2023
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Isabel, many thanks for the very kind words on my sonnet.
I'm a little curious how you came across the poem since it's no longer on the listings?
In any case, thanks again.
Steve
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You and I exchanged greetings when I came to Fanstory, and yesterday, I clicked, and it led to this sonnet.
I am happy it did.
You are most welcome.
Comment from Gloria ....
A lovely sonnet indeed with lots of atmosphere and imagery, and it appears the bird had freedom in mind after all.
The contest is over I know, but still this is a wonderful read and much enjoyed.
Gloria
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2023
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A lovely sonnet indeed with lots of atmosphere and imagery, and it appears the bird had freedom in mind after all.
The contest is over I know, but still this is a wonderful read and much enjoyed.
Gloria
Comment Written 16-Aug-2023
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2023
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Thanks, Gloria. I was happy with how this one turned out after an initial struggle to bring the ending together.
Steve
Comment from Pearl Edwards
This is a lovely Sonnet Steve and I love the tattoos, though for me, this bird that flew was more likely a love lost. I love the description of the broken bird that healed and went off to spread her wings. Good luck in the contest. Cheers
Valda
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2023
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This is a lovely Sonnet Steve and I love the tattoos, though for me, this bird that flew was more likely a love lost. I love the description of the broken bird that healed and went off to spread her wings. Good luck in the contest. Cheers
Valda
Comment Written 09-Aug-2023
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2023
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Hi, Valda. Many thanks for the kind words and the sixth star. Much appreciated.
I always write the words first and then go search for an appropriate pic. I found quite a few of birds escaping from their cages, but the tattoo one struck me for some reason.
Steve
Comment from Dawn Munro
Oh, how I love this poem! My favorite line was not easy to pick, but I guess it is this --
"...the spring and summer fluttered fast away..."
I really don't need to mention things like enjambment, rhyme scheme, meter, imagery, and so on to some poets here, at FanStory -- you all are fabulous, and Steve, you have always been one of my favorites. :) I learn by reading work like yours. (That turn is sublime!)
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2023
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Oh, how I love this poem! My favorite line was not easy to pick, but I guess it is this --
"...the spring and summer fluttered fast away..."
I really don't need to mention things like enjambment, rhyme scheme, meter, imagery, and so on to some poets here, at FanStory -- you all are fabulous, and Steve, you have always been one of my favorites. :) I learn by reading work like yours. (That turn is sublime!)
Comment Written 09-Aug-2023
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2023
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Dawn, many thanks for the lovely review and the shiny sixth star.
I wrote this one in a big hurry to meet the deadline and really struggled with the ending. I finally got what I wanted, so happy with it now. I'm glad you like it too.
Steve
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Very much so!
Comment from royowen
I guess a captive bird could be, metaphorically speaking, anything or anyone taken in their hour of need, and the wonderful thing about kindness shown can be when the carer becomes a caree, and has grown attached, and like I gave my daughters away in marriage broke my heart, that's what loving fathers do, beautiful theme, as the tradition goes for a sonnet, well done Steve, good luck, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2023
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I guess a captive bird could be, metaphorically speaking, anything or anyone taken in their hour of need, and the wonderful thing about kindness shown can be when the carer becomes a caree, and has grown attached, and like I gave my daughters away in marriage broke my heart, that's what loving fathers do, beautiful theme, as the tradition goes for a sonnet, well done Steve, good luck, blessings Roy
Comment Written 09-Aug-2023
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2023
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Many thanks, Roy, for your interesting take on my sonnet - and thank goodness I only have sons!
Steve
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I never lost them, just gained a loving equal.
Comment from harmony13
The author's words are interesting, descriptive and meaningful. I enjoyed
the read of this poem. As I continued to read I wanted to know more! The ending was unbelievable yet I found it amazing! The artwork is awesome
and compliments this poem well.
Great Poem - hope you are doing well....Maria
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2023
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The author's words are interesting, descriptive and meaningful. I enjoyed
the read of this poem. As I continued to read I wanted to know more! The ending was unbelievable yet I found it amazing! The artwork is awesome
and compliments this poem well.
Great Poem - hope you are doing well....Maria
Comment Written 09-Aug-2023
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2023
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Thanks for the kind words.
Steve
Comment from karenina
I sit here with no six to offer and yet I find this sonnet metaphorically brilliant and flawlessly executed. (Yes, any decent reader will skim "family")--
Love, by any other name, may not be the same at all, as you've deftly indicated with:
"In love, or what seemed love, we found our joy
and shrugged off any thought of debt to pay"
There are some fine sonnets in this contest (and I, in my amateurish wisdom knew to stay away)
I simply can't imagine this not rising, like cream, to the top.
Karenina
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2023
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I sit here with no six to offer and yet I find this sonnet metaphorically brilliant and flawlessly executed. (Yes, any decent reader will skim "family")--
Love, by any other name, may not be the same at all, as you've deftly indicated with:
"In love, or what seemed love, we found our joy
and shrugged off any thought of debt to pay"
There are some fine sonnets in this contest (and I, in my amateurish wisdom knew to stay away)
I simply can't imagine this not rising, like cream, to the top.
Karenina
Comment Written 09-Aug-2023
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2023
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Lovely review, thank you. I appreciate the careful reading and the virtual six.
Steve
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My pleasure...
Comment from Paul Manton
Hello again Steve. A most unusual 'tattoo' set - death as a cage - and did I hear the caged bird sing?
A high risk love affair - and a Calendar poem? Well, I know you're up for that. Defining metaphor clearly delineated. Great control of language and imagery.
A sonnet, iambic pentameter, abab et al. Faultless.
And I should add in this metaphor, a year is not necessarily twelve months - it merely indicates the beginning and the end of the affair - viz. January could be in 1987 and December 1993 - or any number of years - as in the rather sweet UK soap 'May to December' (1989)
There are a variety of clever allusions scattered throughout - it has to be January when the girl's eye is 'as cold as ice' - and the 'bird' personification is well sustained 'when spring and summer fluttered fast away' (extra points for natural alliteration) - 'distant . . climes'; 'cage . . bars . . freedom's wings' all add up to an idea maintained perfectly to the end.
I have tried hard not to relinquish my final six so early in the week - but with the skill of this poem in front of me, I have to concede - outstanding.
Paul
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2023
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Hello again Steve. A most unusual 'tattoo' set - death as a cage - and did I hear the caged bird sing?
A high risk love affair - and a Calendar poem? Well, I know you're up for that. Defining metaphor clearly delineated. Great control of language and imagery.
A sonnet, iambic pentameter, abab et al. Faultless.
And I should add in this metaphor, a year is not necessarily twelve months - it merely indicates the beginning and the end of the affair - viz. January could be in 1987 and December 1993 - or any number of years - as in the rather sweet UK soap 'May to December' (1989)
There are a variety of clever allusions scattered throughout - it has to be January when the girl's eye is 'as cold as ice' - and the 'bird' personification is well sustained 'when spring and summer fluttered fast away' (extra points for natural alliteration) - 'distant . . climes'; 'cage . . bars . . freedom's wings' all add up to an idea maintained perfectly to the end.
I have tried hard not to relinquish my final six so early in the week - but with the skill of this poem in front of me, I have to concede - outstanding.
Paul
Comment Written 09-Aug-2023
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2023
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Paul, you've only been around five minutes, but I already know you well enough to truly value any comment you make. Did I see you on the podium for Reviewer of the Month? If this is any example and assuming you offer this kind of review to everyone. I would guess you will be a permanent contender for that prize.
I have to confess that I am a lazy writer and a born procrastinator - I began this the day before the deadline, couldn't work out the last six lines, got a call to go to work with the deadline at 4pm my time, plugged in an awful mess of an ending during my lunchtime so that I could at least post the thing in time, and then had to cope with the pressure to get it fixed once I got home. Quite pleased with the final result!
Thanks again. Another thumb coming your way.
Steve
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Thanks, Steve - yes reviewing seems to be my thing - won it two months ago - and would certainly have done so again in July, but not allowed two months consecutively - so my old friend Jay (with a huge amount less) was astonished to bear it off triumphantly.
This month I can be a contender again.
My recent miniwin with Blitz was written in four minutes, ten mins. before the deadline. By the time I pressed 'Enter' I had 30 seconds before it closed - so we have that in common!
Very best wishes, Paul
Comment from JSD
A lovely poem, framed by an excellent metaphor of the bird and the cage. Love the use of the verb 'fluttered' for the passing of time. But the triumph is the last half line, following an excellent use of caesura. It brings the whole piece down to human emotion and your own personal loss. Well done and good luck in the competition.
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2023
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A lovely poem, framed by an excellent metaphor of the bird and the cage. Love the use of the verb 'fluttered' for the passing of time. But the triumph is the last half line, following an excellent use of caesura. It brings the whole piece down to human emotion and your own personal loss. Well done and good luck in the competition.
Comment Written 09-Aug-2023
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2023
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Thank you! I've had some excellent and perceptive reviews for this one - always good when readers 'get' what you're on about. Sometimes, as with your reference to caesura here, a reviewer unveils something I've done that I wasn't even specifically aware of myself!
Steve
Comment from Verna Cole Mitchell
This is a beautiful, but tragic, love story so well written in a sonnet. The technical aspect is all correct and beautifully presented, but even more than that, the story told resonates with anyone who has ever had a broken heart. You did a great job with your "bird."
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2023
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This is a beautiful, but tragic, love story so well written in a sonnet. The technical aspect is all correct and beautifully presented, but even more than that, the story told resonates with anyone who has ever had a broken heart. You did a great job with your "bird."
Comment Written 09-Aug-2023
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2023
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Verna, many thanks for the lovely review and the shiny sixth star - much appreciated!
Steve
