Withered Willows
Something to share when I was young.5 total reviews
Comment from Alexandra Trovato
I enjoyed reading your work.This is an excellent poem. I particularly like the way it is from anotherlfMy favorite part is. . My only suggestion is don't change a thing. ;)
Best wishes!
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2023
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I enjoyed reading your work.This is an excellent poem. I particularly like the way it is from anotherlfMy favorite part is. . My only suggestion is don't change a thing. ;)
Best wishes!
Comment Written 15-Aug-2023
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2023
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Thank you, Alexandra.
I hope you don't mind if I read your work.
Have a pleasant day!
Comment from Karen Cherry Threadgill
You are gonna hate me. On this site, they want a picture to go with the poem or story. You do not have to, but I promise you, that you will not score as high without a picture.
This site is for pictures painted, drawn, digitized, or photographed. And if you think you have read some stinkers, wait until you see some of that. I tend to stick to the photographs. You also have the choice of using one of your own. I personally love that icon of yours. Now, your youthful poem is incredibly depressing. I am quite sure you wrote it when you were very depressed. I would suggest ( go ahead and sharpen the needles for the doll) that you restructure the poem. Making us scroll and scroll and scroll through what seems to be unlimited unhappiness is a bit much to ask. Reformat the poem into a standard left-to-right sentence, Free verse. Easier to get through, with no scrolling. Telling us your depressed feeling is fine, we have all been there multiple times. We just do not want to actually have to relive them with you right now. The wording itself is great. You are a good writer. Keep it up. I want to read more.
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2023
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You are gonna hate me. On this site, they want a picture to go with the poem or story. You do not have to, but I promise you, that you will not score as high without a picture.
This site is for pictures painted, drawn, digitized, or photographed. And if you think you have read some stinkers, wait until you see some of that. I tend to stick to the photographs. You also have the choice of using one of your own. I personally love that icon of yours. Now, your youthful poem is incredibly depressing. I am quite sure you wrote it when you were very depressed. I would suggest ( go ahead and sharpen the needles for the doll) that you restructure the poem. Making us scroll and scroll and scroll through what seems to be unlimited unhappiness is a bit much to ask. Reformat the poem into a standard left-to-right sentence, Free verse. Easier to get through, with no scrolling. Telling us your depressed feeling is fine, we have all been there multiple times. We just do not want to actually have to relive them with you right now. The wording itself is great. You are a good writer. Keep it up. I want to read more.
Comment Written 14-Aug-2023
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2023
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Hi Karen, thank you for being candid. It is important for me. I do not wilt when reading words that would like to change the work for the better. You are right, I was in a state of depression. Will take note of the format,
Still learning about what works, so thank you for the tips. No voodoo doll intended let alone, needles.....
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You really are a good writer. Your anguish is palpable. Just remember this,it is my mantra. This is temporary. Whenever, i get overwhelmed by my pain, I chant that in my head. I don't wanna look nuts do I? If you have the time I have a story that is almost 9,000w. "I don't really belong here". Everyone wants me to turn it into a small novel or chapbook. I've never done either. Take a look at the ending, I don't think it's quite right. Tell me what you think. go ahead and rip me a new one. :) Karen
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Hi, I read the beginning of your short story. My take, you are holding back. I say write it all out then see what you can salvage.
You cannot take the power of the dark and pretend that it is blunt.
You have a story and you are holding back on what you need to write.
I mean you don't have to let others read it but at least, change your approach of holding back and let it rip as you said. You have seen and experienced events that I would not be able to and may not want to go through. I think it is a book you are writing and that takes time and patience for the scene to unfold. Don't rush, just do other stories or other writing.
It is just my opinion. Towards the end, I sense that you want to take a break from the writing...maybe you should take short intervals of reality?
It is just and observation, I am not sure but I sense that your writing is pressed to be completed. I still think that you are dipping and then taking yourself out of the space. Stay in there longer but have a timer on to bring you back. I do not know if what I say helps but I encourage you to breathe in more of your story, storyteller. It is there for your taking. Embrace it not to be the dark but rather learn how to paint the dark
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Well, you did call me on it pretty darn good. When I start writing I usually just start with a sentence or two in my head. Like this:" Sarah Jane McAllister felt compelled to open the door, and the smell knocked her back against the sideboard. That's gonna bruise she thought.
Then I just keep writing. I have killed people in my stories before. Mostly men in interesting ways. But since I left him, I mellowed out and started doing more humor and nostalgia. Then this one crept up on me. I became darker than I had ever been.
It scares me. Me scares me.
I did try to stop a couple of times. And, I felt I rushed the end just to get rid of it. But, another friend said, I had to have given a way to safely go back out and have a sequel or two. ...... Cue in the Twilight Zone music.
Karen
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Hahaha, well the thing is, you dont become the dark. Be the painter, not the actor caught in the dark, maybe that would be less scary. It is almost the same but it is not, just have faith in yourself that you will lead yourself out. It is not that strong, unless we allow it. I have written dark stories too, but had to take time to understand what it is really about. and it is not about that person. You are in control. you are the story teller, not the dark. You can tell it to drive the path in another way if needed but where would be the fun in that? besides story telling helps people yes? including yourself. Maybe it is the path to writing other genres? I think fear is there because you (inside) know that you can and are in control? Have fun diving into the space and enjoy the moments, nothing to fear, just like riding a bicycle, you control the bike, not the other way around. You will get there, just have find your gauge and you traverse this world of goblins and monsters..lol. Good journey!
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I am afraid of the dark! ........
Not really. I grew up on EERIE magazine. But It bothers me because with this story I felt I was being pulled instead of my leading. i find that irritating, in the extreme.
Karen
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Well I find most stories are fishing for a committed story teller. So, be glad that you have been chosen. I think it is a pull at first and then when you are more anchored and focussed, you take the rains and follow through, ya?
Something like that for me.
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Congrats on your win!
Have a pleasant day!
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I made a contest "Murderous Intentions" and for you and others I stipulated no pictures. Since I won 2 contests I can not write in my own creation. I had not won anything when I set up the contest I said no one who had one in 60 days could enter. Then I had two wins back too back- no cash money of course. They wrote me I could not enter my own contest! Life gives you lemon's and then some one squirts it in your face.
I won and I''m whining. Sorry, really bad manners.
Enter the contest.
Karen
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I wrote you a letter and the ether took it to a bad gateway. i am pooped.
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
It sounds like your youth was a bit of a disappointment Mick as you didn't achieve your goals and felt hemmed in and manipulated, I hope life improved for you, a poignant write, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2023
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It sounds like your youth was a bit of a disappointment Mick as you didn't achieve your goals and felt hemmed in and manipulated, I hope life improved for you, a poignant write, love Dolly x
Comment Written 14-Aug-2023
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2023
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Thank you, Dolly. Life is better. Hope to improve my writing to be able to write and enjoy the spaces it leads me in my mind. :)
Comment from Aiesha Nichole Oliver
Sounds dreary, a sense of loss and feelings of hopelessness. The repetition was a nice surprise. Is this a song? You are a good writer. Do you write other genres? Will follow your work.
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2023
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Sounds dreary, a sense of loss and feelings of hopelessness. The repetition was a nice surprise. Is this a song? You are a good writer. Do you write other genres? Will follow your work.
Comment Written 14-Aug-2023
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2023
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It is and it was in my youth which was difficult to bear at times. Yeah it is a song, played it on my guitar before, can't remember where I put the scores...I guess trying to forget.
Comment from Nina Sexton
Hi Mickamus J. Your poem resonated with me and I felt the pain and struggle come across clear. I have been struggling with many things lately and notice my writing becoming angry at times and wonder if it's helping or igniting a bigger fire LOL. I hope you find peace in releasing your poetry to the world. Have a good day.
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2023
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Hi Mickamus J. Your poem resonated with me and I felt the pain and struggle come across clear. I have been struggling with many things lately and notice my writing becoming angry at times and wonder if it's helping or igniting a bigger fire LOL. I hope you find peace in releasing your poetry to the world. Have a good day.
Comment Written 14-Aug-2023
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2023
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Thank you,Nina. I hope your struggles will be free from you and that you have better days in the future.
Yes, anger can be a big trouble if unchecked or dealt with better and clearly.
