Self-Defeatist
Reflection3 total reviews
Comment from WalkerMan
There are several ways the population of our world can be divided into two opposing groups, three of which are (1) self-appointed "elites" who consider themselves better and more deserving versus others they want to totally control as impoverished serfs, (2) self-serving individuals versus those who selflessly help others in whatever ways they can, and (3) those who know their purpose in life and diligently overcome all obstacles in their path versus those who somehow never found their own life's purpose because they thought they had to please others by being whatever key people in their lives wanted them to be or achieve what some imagined person or animal could (or supposedly could) do. The "elites" and "self-servers" often overlap and are evil, and those without a life purpose are the most unhappy.
This poem's theme is about a bright and caring person who never found a path toward a goal (or goals) that seemed achievable and satisfying because she was too busy trying to please others rather than be herself.
Now, in midlife, she has realized the error of that path, and wants to find her real self and nourish it enough with truth to see it blossom.
Thus, this poem is her own personal Declaration of Independence, and I applaud her for having the courage to post it publicly.
Technically, while the a-b-c-b rhyme scheme works, the meter is irregular, which may be acceptable for such a theme. Nevertheless, the poem reads smoothly enough not to interfere with understanding. The first five stanzas indicate just some of the dreams of greatness she realized were unreachable, and the last stanza expresses her conclusion that focusing on such dreams kept her from developing her own skills on a practical path to success.
This moment is a turning point in a life with much potential ahead, so I will not let technical flaws in this poem detract from its importance. I recognize its value in her life, so I consider it superb and aptly illustrated by an image representing her decades of frustration, which may finally be over.
Tara has a unique and deeply thought-provoking trilogy of novels in progress, and I will edit them and help her publish each one. I have read enough to see the compassionate heart and brilliant mind behind this masterful work that is now a reachable goal.
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2023
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There are several ways the population of our world can be divided into two opposing groups, three of which are (1) self-appointed "elites" who consider themselves better and more deserving versus others they want to totally control as impoverished serfs, (2) self-serving individuals versus those who selflessly help others in whatever ways they can, and (3) those who know their purpose in life and diligently overcome all obstacles in their path versus those who somehow never found their own life's purpose because they thought they had to please others by being whatever key people in their lives wanted them to be or achieve what some imagined person or animal could (or supposedly could) do. The "elites" and "self-servers" often overlap and are evil, and those without a life purpose are the most unhappy.
This poem's theme is about a bright and caring person who never found a path toward a goal (or goals) that seemed achievable and satisfying because she was too busy trying to please others rather than be herself.
Now, in midlife, she has realized the error of that path, and wants to find her real self and nourish it enough with truth to see it blossom.
Thus, this poem is her own personal Declaration of Independence, and I applaud her for having the courage to post it publicly.
Technically, while the a-b-c-b rhyme scheme works, the meter is irregular, which may be acceptable for such a theme. Nevertheless, the poem reads smoothly enough not to interfere with understanding. The first five stanzas indicate just some of the dreams of greatness she realized were unreachable, and the last stanza expresses her conclusion that focusing on such dreams kept her from developing her own skills on a practical path to success.
This moment is a turning point in a life with much potential ahead, so I will not let technical flaws in this poem detract from its importance. I recognize its value in her life, so I consider it superb and aptly illustrated by an image representing her decades of frustration, which may finally be over.
Tara has a unique and deeply thought-provoking trilogy of novels in progress, and I will edit them and help her publish each one. I have read enough to see the compassionate heart and brilliant mind behind this masterful work that is now a reachable goal.
Comment Written 20-Aug-2023
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2023
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I just write the words that come to me and try not to muck it up too bad. I don't always understand myself, and that's OK. I just hope that my words will reach someone who needs to hear them from time to time for whatever reason. That's why I share my most intimate and vulnerable pieces. It is hard, but I have to believe it's worth it.
Sometimes when we get down in a hole the last thing we need is someone trying to jerk us up. Sometimes you need to feel the low and understand it. Tgis is how you avoid repetitive behaviors and recidivism.
Sometimes we just want someone to get in the hole with us, to come down where we are and wrap their arm around us and say, "I see you. I hear you. I'm here. I'm not leaving you. I'm in this with you. I'm seeing your world through your eyes and when you're ready, we'll leave here together."
We all want to be immortalized in some way. Some want statues, some want their name etched in stone, and some want songs sung about them. This is my way. These are my words.
Thanks for always getting that.
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You are most welcome, Tara. My father could sense the emotions of others and apparently passed that empathic ability to me. I am grateful, as it helps me to understand what people say, write, and do. Both of my parents had caring hearts, and were my models for that outlook. The result shows in my review of your post. The third paragraph in your reply proves you felt my empathy and understanding.
I see in you a potential that you were thwarting by trying to impress others. The success you've always wanted is now within reach because you finally have rejected misleading dreams and chosen your own true path; and I will stand by you to help you attain your destined goal.
Accordingly, skip the worry and focus on your superb project. :)) -- Mike
Comment from Debra White
Hi Tara :)
I enjoyed reading your rhymed poem.
It is well written and relatable, probably to most people.
I don't think many of us are truly satisfied with their lot - there's always something that we want to change! Your last verse perfectly sums up what can happen when we are not accepting of ourselves.
I think it's human nature to want to be 'more' than we are, or to have what we don't have. I also think that we are often guilty of holding ourselves back and being afraid to try to do things because we think we will fail, we lack self-belief.
Best wishes, Debra :)
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2023
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Hi Tara :)
I enjoyed reading your rhymed poem.
It is well written and relatable, probably to most people.
I don't think many of us are truly satisfied with their lot - there's always something that we want to change! Your last verse perfectly sums up what can happen when we are not accepting of ourselves.
I think it's human nature to want to be 'more' than we are, or to have what we don't have. I also think that we are often guilty of holding ourselves back and being afraid to try to do things because we think we will fail, we lack self-belief.
Best wishes, Debra :)
Comment Written 15-Aug-2023
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2023
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Debra, that's exactly ny train of thought in this one. I think it may still need a little work but i had to get it out. Thanks for your kind and thoughtful review. I truly appreciate it!
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You're welcome :)
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Debra, I made some changes to the last stanza which I think more accurately reflect what my message was if you'd care to take a look. Thanks!
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
These are sad sentiments of self dislike and if only you could embrace being you and make yourself the best that you can be. Many will identify with your words Tara and I enjoyed this post.
If you applied some metre to this post then the melody would flow much better.
Her is an example of iambic metre for you:
I want to catch a shooting star,
And make it all be mine.
But distance was just much too far,
And I'd be lost in time.
I want to rope and tame a horse,
And cloister in a stable.
Too arduous was this, of course,
And I just wasn't able.
Love Dolly x x x
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2023
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These are sad sentiments of self dislike and if only you could embrace being you and make yourself the best that you can be. Many will identify with your words Tara and I enjoyed this post.
If you applied some metre to this post then the melody would flow much better.
Her is an example of iambic metre for you:
I want to catch a shooting star,
And make it all be mine.
But distance was just much too far,
And I'd be lost in time.
I want to rope and tame a horse,
And cloister in a stable.
Too arduous was this, of course,
And I just wasn't able.
Love Dolly x x x
Comment Written 15-Aug-2023
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2023
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Dolly, I'm not nearly as sad as I may seem. My works are usually on the darker side and typically stem from self reflection or discovery.
I will take a look at the meter and I agree with you that it's very important for flow. I've never posted without promotion so I wasn't expecting reviews but I'm so glad you took a look. Thank you for your review and recommendations very much. They are always treasured.
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Dolly, I made some changes to the last stanza which I think more accurately reflect what my message was if you'd care to take a look. Thanks
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I took another look at your poem Tara and there is no consistent metre used, but your poem is enjoyable. If you want to learn about metre then look it up on line and practice makes perfect, I wish you luck x x x
