Soup
Misfortunate Hunger (a horror story)19 total reviews
Comment from PoemsOfDD
Yes, this would make any one want to throw up at finding a pair of eyes in the murky soup they were sip chewing on. I thought perhaps there would be fingers in the bowl - the vender with his three fingers missing. An interesting horror story told well leaving the reader wanting to know more on what happens next.
Thank you for sharing. The author notes were very much enjoyed and appreciated.
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2023
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Yes, this would make any one want to throw up at finding a pair of eyes in the murky soup they were sip chewing on. I thought perhaps there would be fingers in the bowl - the vender with his three fingers missing. An interesting horror story told well leaving the reader wanting to know more on what happens next.
Thank you for sharing. The author notes were very much enjoyed and appreciated.
Comment Written 27-Aug-2023
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2023
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Haha. I can see why. It isn't the first time I've heard this thought. Yet, I went into it knowing I wanted eyes in the bowl...for reasons unknown.
Everything else just "came together."
Jokes.
As for what happens next, I enjoy the sort of cliffhanger vibe (he may as well have become the next victim) or the fact the pacing man is still pacing or even why 7 Eleven is open but closed, some questions more intriguing than others.
As for my author's note, that's probably the dearest part of my story, so I'm sooooo glad you enjoyed.
But my author's note is in fact not the full thing because I didn't want to overburden as I talked about the impact of reading Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark as a kid (as well as Goosebumps, the only two notable horrors they sold at my elementary school book fair) before I obviously went on to read King, Tremblay, and more.
Either way, I'm humbled. To be blessed with such words from such a writer, I can only hope your experience was a pleasant one (though probably an incorrect choice of words).
If anything, thank you so much for your kind review, and many thanks, with gratitude.
Have a splendid rest of your day!
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Eating eyes may not be so uncommon in the Asian world - but pointy fingers may ;-)
Thanks for the insight into your world. Keep it up. I look forward to the next read.
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
After reading about your uncle, I can see how you might have had a little help developing the imagination to write this story. It's weird how the mother doesn't care if he goes out late at night in a strange city. The 7-11 with all the lights on and door locked, is creepy. Then he sees a strange man selling bowls of soup and has no idea what to pay for it. I am glad he wasn't my uncle. You must have been scared to death every time he got into a storytelling mood.
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2023
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After reading about your uncle, I can see how you might have had a little help developing the imagination to write this story. It's weird how the mother doesn't care if he goes out late at night in a strange city. The 7-11 with all the lights on and door locked, is creepy. Then he sees a strange man selling bowls of soup and has no idea what to pay for it. I am glad he wasn't my uncle. You must have been scared to death every time he got into a storytelling mood.
Comment Written 25-Aug-2023
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2023
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Haha! Well, I guess he made up for it by taking me to the zoo. But looking back, years down the line I might as well have taken his place (or will take his place) with all these stories. But only time will tell.
My author's note is in fact not the full thing because I didn't want to overburden as I talked about the impact of reading Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark as a kid (as well as Goosebumps, the only two notable horrors they sold at my elementary school book fair) before I obviously went on to read King, Tremblay, and more.
Either way, I'm humbled. To be blessed with such words from such a writer, I can only hope your experience was a pleasant one (though probably an incorrect choice of words).
If anything, thank you so much for your kind review, and many thanks, with gratitude.
Have a splendid rest of your day!
Comment from nomi338
The main or primary impact this cringe worthy story has on me is, I would never hope to find myself in an area of a foreign country, late at night searching for food and ultimately buying it from a street vendor. No way, no how.
reply by the author on 25-Aug-2023
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The main or primary impact this cringe worthy story has on me is, I would never hope to find myself in an area of a foreign country, late at night searching for food and ultimately buying it from a street vendor. No way, no how.
Comment Written 25-Aug-2023
reply by the author on 25-Aug-2023
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Great Takeaway!
Either way, I'm humbled. To be blessed with such words from such a writer, I can only hope your experience was a pleasant one (though probably an incorrect choice of words).
If anything, thank you so much for your kind review, and many thanks, with gratitude.
Have a splendid rest of your day!
Comment from Mia Twysted
I feel for that poor child and for you as a child. I love to tell creepy stories to the little ones in my life. Watching their little eyes get so big and peer around every corner is fun.
reply by the author on 25-Aug-2023
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I feel for that poor child and for you as a child. I love to tell creepy stories to the little ones in my life. Watching their little eyes get so big and peer around every corner is fun.
Comment Written 25-Aug-2023
reply by the author on 25-Aug-2023
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Haha. I can definitely see why. Perhaps I'll take the place of my uncle someday. Keep the tradition alive, you know?
Either way, I'm humbled. To be blessed with such words from such a writer, I can only hope your experience was a pleasant one (though probably an incorrect choice of words).
The boy may as well have become the next victim. (Gasp). But I guess, as with the pacing man, that's a whole other story to be told.
I could probably spend all day talking about every nook and cranny of this story and what aspect of my childhood inspired what, but if anything, thank you so much for your kind review, and many thanks, with gratitude.
Have a splendid rest of your day!
And may these creepy little tales of our childhood live on.
Comment from w.j.debi
He must have been very hungry to venture out at night in a strange area. You set the mood well. I kept wondering if the guy pacing nearby was going to do something scary. Instead, it was the guy who was cooking the food. Shiver.
reply by the author on 25-Aug-2023
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He must have been very hungry to venture out at night in a strange area. You set the mood well. I kept wondering if the guy pacing nearby was going to do something scary. Instead, it was the guy who was cooking the food. Shiver.
Comment Written 25-Aug-2023
reply by the author on 25-Aug-2023
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Indeed! But as I've been told he probably wasn't THAT hungry or else he'd eat it nevertheless. haha... I'm truly humbled to be blessed with such words from such a writer and I could only hope your experience was a pleasant one (though probably an incorrect choice of words).
As for the wandering guy, maybe he should have done something scary... (sinister laugh haha) but I found his presence scary enough.
I guess some background info, near the place my grandparents lived when I was a kid there was in fact a wandering man, but he never meant any harm, just wandered. And every year I went back he was still there.
Mysterious....
But if anything, thank you so much for your kind review, and many thanks, with gratitude.
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It was a fun story to read. I think it is the first of your work I've come across. I look forward to reading more.
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many thanks.
it's been a pleasure!
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
Trust me to read something creepy before I go to bed, (English time) I'm guessing the boy is okay, he's been sick, but also his arm went numb, so perhaps it was more sinister than that? Anyway, well done, I enjoyed it. :)) Sandra xx
reply by the author on 25-Aug-2023
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Trust me to read something creepy before I go to bed, (English time) I'm guessing the boy is okay, he's been sick, but also his arm went numb, so perhaps it was more sinister than that? Anyway, well done, I enjoyed it. :)) Sandra xx
Comment Written 25-Aug-2023
reply by the author on 25-Aug-2023
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I'm humbled. To be blessed with such words from such a writer, I can only hope your experience was a pleasant one (though probably an incorrect choice of words).
The boy may as well have become the next victim. (Gasp). But I guess, as with the pacing man, that's a whole other story to be told.
But if anything, thank you so much for your kind review, and many thanks, with gratitude.
Have a splendid rest of your day!
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
That really is a very creepy story! You built the tension up well, not least because I actually read your notes first but also because of your descriptive, atmospheric detail in the story. The last dozen lines of the story are superb as the reader anticipates something happening imminently. But never the discovery in the soup! Well done! There is no correction to suggest and I was impressed by the fluency of the prose. Debbie
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2023
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That really is a very creepy story! You built the tension up well, not least because I actually read your notes first but also because of your descriptive, atmospheric detail in the story. The last dozen lines of the story are superb as the reader anticipates something happening imminently. But never the discovery in the soup! Well done! There is no correction to suggest and I was impressed by the fluency of the prose. Debbie
Comment Written 24-Aug-2023
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2023
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Aww.. and greetings! I'm truly humbled to be blessed with the such words from such a writer and I could only hope your experience was a pleasant one (though probably wrong in this context). You word the way a story should be read/understood oh so beautifully.
My author's note is in fact not the full thing because I didn't want to overburden as I talked about the impact of reading Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark as a kid (as well as Goosebumps, the only two notable horrors they sold at my elementary school book fair) before I obviously went on to read King, Tremblay, and more.
But if anything, thank you so much for your kind review, and many thanks, with gratitude.
And...glad to see you review another one of my stories!
Comment from Pam Lonsdale
Perhaps it's just me, but I wasn't sure how we came to this ending. What premonition? Did I miss something? And who was the guy across the street? Why was the 7-11 closed?
As you can see, I have only questions and no real understanding of what you are trying to tell us. Keep in mind that if this was a published piece of work there would be no author's notes to help us along.
Just in case it's me alone, I'm giving you 5 stars. But I think there needs to be more breadcrumbs along this path to lead us to the understanding of what has happened here.
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2023
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Perhaps it's just me, but I wasn't sure how we came to this ending. What premonition? Did I miss something? And who was the guy across the street? Why was the 7-11 closed?
As you can see, I have only questions and no real understanding of what you are trying to tell us. Keep in mind that if this was a published piece of work there would be no author's notes to help us along.
Just in case it's me alone, I'm giving you 5 stars. But I think there needs to be more breadcrumbs along this path to lead us to the understanding of what has happened here.
Comment Written 23-Aug-2023
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2023
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Greetings! I'm truly humbled to be blessed with the such words from such a writer.
As for the premonition it was mainly centered around the idea that he felt like something was wrong with the soup (so he stopped eating?). Now if that is misuse of the word, then that's on me.
To be honest the guy across the street is kinda just there to paint the atmosphere and 7 11 not being open is probably a question I should have answered but I guess I didn't want to linger around it too long?
That said, I will take all these questions into account for a potential future rewrite.
But for now, thanks!
Comment from LJbutterfly
Good stories include enough detail and description to tweak the reader's imagination as they envision events taking place. This story does just that, beginning with the pang of hunger, night time alone, empty stores and automatic doors not opening. You set the scene well as the story progresses to its unsettling end.
I agree, horror stories should not be told to children until they are old enough to want to be scared and request horror stories on their own.
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2023
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Good stories include enough detail and description to tweak the reader's imagination as they envision events taking place. This story does just that, beginning with the pang of hunger, night time alone, empty stores and automatic doors not opening. You set the scene well as the story progresses to its unsettling end.
I agree, horror stories should not be told to children until they are old enough to want to be scared and request horror stories on their own.
Comment Written 23-Aug-2023
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2023
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Greetings! I'm truly humbled to be blessed with the such words from such a writer and I could only hope your experience was a pleasant one (though probably wrong in this context). You word the way a story should be read/understood oh so beautifully.
My author's note is in fact not the full thing because I didn't want to overburden as I talked about the impact of reading Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark as a kid (as well as Goosebumps, the only two notable horrors they sold at my elementary school book fair) before I obviously went on to read King, Tremblay, and more.
But if anything, thank you so much for your kind review, and many thanks, with gratitude.
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(sorry for the second reply) wanted to nominate and accidentally clicked out
Comment from giraffmang
HI there,
This has real good bones for a really creepy tale. I think you could have pushed the atmosphere and tone further in that direction but this is a solid tale.
He left her room before shutting the door behind him as he made his way downstairs.- maybe change as to then otherwise the mechanics of the scene are awkward.
All the best
GMG
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2023
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HI there,
This has real good bones for a really creepy tale. I think you could have pushed the atmosphere and tone further in that direction but this is a solid tale.
He left her room before shutting the door behind him as he made his way downstairs.- maybe change as to then otherwise the mechanics of the scene are awkward.
All the best
GMG
Comment Written 23-Aug-2023
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2023
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Greetings (and thank you)! I'm truly humbled to be blessed with the words and such a review from such a writer far more accomplished than I am (such as yourself) and I could only hope your experience was a pleasant one (though probably wrong in this context).
I'm going to take your words and assume that this story has a good structure (bones) or starting point, but its bounds could be pushed further.
As to your advice on the door scene (that's what I'll call it) that definitely makes sense and I will probably rewrite just wondering if you have any advice on how to approach it.
If anything, thank you so much for your kind review, and many thanks, with gratitude.
Take care and have a pleasant rest of your day!
