The unexpected
cold feet10 total reviews
Comment from Bill Schott
Wow! Wow! Wow! That was completely out of left field. What an ending! I am light a star, but I will give you what I've got for now. Great and so unexpected ending.
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2023
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Wow! Wow! Wow! That was completely out of left field. What an ending! I am light a star, but I will give you what I've got for now. Great and so unexpected ending.
Comment Written 26-Aug-2023
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2023
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Thank you so much Mr. Bill, I really appreciate the time you took to review my backwards story:) sometimes a marriage is not a rainbow and roses:)
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
What a twist! A great story here in such a succinct form but skilfully containing all this emotion on this special day. Initially the reader feels sorry for him and then realises that the marriage is one of convenience, not love. Then we have the bride too cursing and showing a total disregard for the event or the people there to celebrate it. I think, for this particular brief, there is not likely to be another story with this degree of imagination. Superb! Good luck! Debbie
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2023
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What a twist! A great story here in such a succinct form but skilfully containing all this emotion on this special day. Initially the reader feels sorry for him and then realises that the marriage is one of convenience, not love. Then we have the bride too cursing and showing a total disregard for the event or the people there to celebrate it. I think, for this particular brief, there is not likely to be another story with this degree of imagination. Superb! Good luck! Debbie
Comment Written 26-Aug-2023
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2023
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Thank you so much Debbie, your review lifted up my spirit:)
Comment from Ric Myworld
Yes, marriage is a wonderful union for some; and for others, it's like being locked in a 10-foot cage and fighting for the same pork chop forever. And you know that big mouthed bitch can fit more in each bit than you can.
Thanks for sharing.
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Yes, marriage is a wonderful union for some; and for others, it's like being locked in a 10-foot cage and fighting for the same pork chop forever. And you know that big mouthed bitch can fit more in each bit than you can.
Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 25-Aug-2023
Comment from Lee, Undone
I'm intrigued but confused. I don't understand who died or why. It didn't sound like the bride died she sounded like she was becoming a murderer. Maybe that was the point. Otherwise really clever writing certainly wanted to draw me in but then again it's been a long day maybe it's just me that's confused. I enjoyed it regardless.
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2023
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I'm intrigued but confused. I don't understand who died or why. It didn't sound like the bride died she sounded like she was becoming a murderer. Maybe that was the point. Otherwise really clever writing certainly wanted to draw me in but then again it's been a long day maybe it's just me that's confused. I enjoyed it regardless.
Comment Written 25-Aug-2023
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2023
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The groom died:)
Comment from Wayne Fowler
Well, I certainly glad that it's fiction. What a terrible situation for everybody involved.
Too bad all she had to do was to hold on for a day and she could be the grieving one on the high road.
Good luck in the contest.
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Well, I certainly glad that it's fiction. What a terrible situation for everybody involved.
Too bad all she had to do was to hold on for a day and she could be the grieving one on the high road.
Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 23-Aug-2023
Comment from LJbutterfly
This story is creative, well written, and enjoyable. It begins with a bit of suspense as you wonder what happened to the protagonist and if he is dead or alive. He prays to God to allow him to get to his bride, but the surprising twist is that it was not going to be a loving marriage. Well done. Best wishes in the contest.
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This story is creative, well written, and enjoyable. It begins with a bit of suspense as you wonder what happened to the protagonist and if he is dead or alive. He prays to God to allow him to get to his bride, but the surprising twist is that it was not going to be a loving marriage. Well done. Best wishes in the contest.
Comment Written 23-Aug-2023
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
What a nice fellow Kevin is. Hope he's going down...
Maybe use a different form of marks to signify thought rather than using the same for thought and dialogue, just for clarity. Although if you're going to use a thought tag, you don't really need the marks as well.
He was supposed to get married, - this doesn't really fir into the mode of direct thought. It should really be out of the marks, close them before and reopen them.
Out of nowhere, he heard of voice: - heard a voice?
The grammar is off in the piece and there's a couple of tense shifts..
something wrong and drak engulfed her soul. - dark.
This bride got cold feet, so I am canceling the wedding. - need closing speech marks here.
All the best
GMG
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Hi there,
What a nice fellow Kevin is. Hope he's going down...
Maybe use a different form of marks to signify thought rather than using the same for thought and dialogue, just for clarity. Although if you're going to use a thought tag, you don't really need the marks as well.
He was supposed to get married, - this doesn't really fir into the mode of direct thought. It should really be out of the marks, close them before and reopen them.
Out of nowhere, he heard of voice: - heard a voice?
The grammar is off in the piece and there's a couple of tense shifts..
something wrong and drak engulfed her soul. - dark.
This bride got cold feet, so I am canceling the wedding. - need closing speech marks here.
All the best
GMG
Comment Written 23-Aug-2023
Comment from Dawn Munro
YIKES! What an awful story (and perfect for the genre)!
One thing confused me though -- "Rest in peace, precious!" Was this thought supposed to be sarcasm?
I find that putting thoughts in Italics makes for a clearer understanding, but that aside, your story gives me shivers! Well done!
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YIKES! What an awful story (and perfect for the genre)!
One thing confused me though -- "Rest in peace, precious!" Was this thought supposed to be sarcasm?
I find that putting thoughts in Italics makes for a clearer understanding, but that aside, your story gives me shivers! Well done!
Comment Written 23-Aug-2023
Comment from Karen Cherry Threadgill
I was and still am very confused.
Kevin is distraught missing his wedding with the woman he loves and is pining for her. He
begs God to let him say goodbye properly. God says okie dokie and Kevin faces Alex and starts screaming at her for ruining his life.
Alex never saw him, only smelled the death of him. Knew he was not coming. Pulled up her big boy pants and canceled the wedding. Please explain further. Karen
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2023
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I was and still am very confused.
Kevin is distraught missing his wedding with the woman he loves and is pining for her. He
begs God to let him say goodbye properly. God says okie dokie and Kevin faces Alex and starts screaming at her for ruining his life.
Alex never saw him, only smelled the death of him. Knew he was not coming. Pulled up her big boy pants and canceled the wedding. Please explain further. Karen
Comment Written 23-Aug-2023
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2023
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So it's like Mafia, if you marry my girl I will let go of the debt. In other words was a force marriage for Kevin:)
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okay, but he was begging God as one does for a beloved. Not as one asking God to slip a note and say sorry.
Comment from LovnPeace
This is funny to me. Sounds like Karma at it;s best. On both sides. Both escaped the bullet and the bride saved face also. Good luck in the contest. A fine entry. XO Blessings. B
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2023
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This is funny to me. Sounds like Karma at it;s best. On both sides. Both escaped the bullet and the bride saved face also. Good luck in the contest. A fine entry. XO Blessings. B
Comment Written 22-Aug-2023
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2023
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Thank you so much for this encouraging review:) and for the best wishes.