A Particular Friendship
Viewing comments for Chapter 6 "Puff's Cave"We meet Lizzy who has just come out of the convent
10 total reviews
Comment from JSD
A lovely little piece of prose that tells of the journey of life and how one young woman made it to some sort of decent destination. Most gratifying to read and really successful. Well done.
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2023
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A lovely little piece of prose that tells of the journey of life and how one young woman made it to some sort of decent destination. Most gratifying to read and really successful. Well done.
Comment Written 10-Sep-2023
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2023
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Thank you for your involved review. I'm glad you enjoyed it. You are welcome to read any of it in the portfolio, no need to review, just enjoy.
Comment from Cindy Decker 2
Lizzy, this story is poignant, and Lizzy's struggles are similar to many. I lost a best friend when she went to a high school across town(we were 'blood sisters' as we cut our thumbs and I pressed mine against hers to seal our 'forever' friendship. I hated losing my partner in crime and it took a long time to heal.
Your story shows a resilient, Lizzy, who rises above her situation to conquer it.
Nice read, Lizzy.
Good luck and keep writing.
Blessings,
Cindy
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2023
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Lizzy, this story is poignant, and Lizzy's struggles are similar to many. I lost a best friend when she went to a high school across town(we were 'blood sisters' as we cut our thumbs and I pressed mine against hers to seal our 'forever' friendship. I hated losing my partner in crime and it took a long time to heal.
Your story shows a resilient, Lizzy, who rises above her situation to conquer it.
Nice read, Lizzy.
Good luck and keep writing.
Blessings,
Cindy
Comment Written 09-Sep-2023
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2023
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Thank you for your poignant review. I hope it is healing for others.
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Thank you for sharing this realistic addition to the previous ones with us. This reads true to form. I couldn't find any way to improve this post. This is a good read.
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2023
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Thank you for sharing this realistic addition to the previous ones with us. This reads true to form. I couldn't find any way to improve this post. This is a good read.
Comment Written 07-Sep-2023
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2023
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Thank you for your supportive review.
Comment from strandregs
I wonder what the "common" reader who does not know about Narcissists and why they are narcissists thinks when they read.
I'm familliar, too familiar with the suicidal/ cancer patient who refuse to do anything that might save their life.
Very heavy.
You do a lot of telling instead of showing.
I think I got that right.
The duo, together, played many songs appropriate for Mass, the daily religious ceremony, requiring singing and thus a
I think showing , they especially enjoyed singing Hallelujah
Something like that.
But , I ain't no expert. :-))Z.
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2023
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I wonder what the "common" reader who does not know about Narcissists and why they are narcissists thinks when they read.
I'm familliar, too familiar with the suicidal/ cancer patient who refuse to do anything that might save their life.
Very heavy.
You do a lot of telling instead of showing.
I think I got that right.
The duo, together, played many songs appropriate for Mass, the daily religious ceremony, requiring singing and thus a
I think showing , they especially enjoyed singing Hallelujah
Something like that.
But , I ain't no expert. :-))Z.
Comment Written 07-Sep-2023
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2023
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Thank you for your involved review. Dodie definitely was a narcissist. I have a history of attracting them. I had a good start with a narcissistic father. Since this is an autobiography I have no idea how else to tell this story. I've never been good at showing. I admire seeing those who do & even noting it to them.
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I started talking to an 87 year old man walking home from the shops.
As I do I turned the conversation to the education system refusing to teach children how to be parents.
How to identify mental parents.
And how to not blame and shame themselves for their parents ills.
The only education to stop the cycle of traumatizing people for life
Is taboo.
Must not spoil the little soldiers all in a row.
Big sigh. :+))Z.
Comment from aryr
What a great continuation chapter, Lizzy. Dodie seems to have developed a cold shoulder all of a sudden. Bobbie and Malinda were about really confused at Dodie's behaviour. It was great that Bobbie and Malinda were available. Blessings n Hugs!!!
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2023
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What a great continuation chapter, Lizzy. Dodie seems to have developed a cold shoulder all of a sudden. Bobbie and Malinda were about really confused at Dodie's behaviour. It was great that Bobbie and Malinda were available. Blessings n Hugs!!!
Comment Written 07-Sep-2023
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2023
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Thank you for your supportive review.
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You are so very welcome, Liz.
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***Warm smile***
Comment from BethShelby
It sounds like Dodie wasn't a nun since she was waiting on having a boyfriend. I was a friendship with some who wasn't of your faith would have premitted but then I don't know a lot about nuns. I am enjoying the stroy and I'm glad Lizzie had some play music with.
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2023
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It sounds like Dodie wasn't a nun since she was waiting on having a boyfriend. I was a friendship with some who wasn't of your faith would have premitted but then I don't know a lot about nuns. I am enjoying the stroy and I'm glad Lizzie had some play music with.
Comment Written 07-Sep-2023
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2023
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Thank you for your involved review. No Dodie was not a nun.
Comment from Iza Deleanu
Love this chapter and open my eyes, since myself is in the stage of retiring to the cave. You have read my soul with today's chapter:"Her heart told her she was in darkness and uncomfortably numb. It was as if Lizzy had fallen to the bottom of a deep, dark well covered with suffocating water, through which it seemed no light could pierce."
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2023
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Love this chapter and open my eyes, since myself is in the stage of retiring to the cave. You have read my soul with today's chapter:"Her heart told her she was in darkness and uncomfortably numb. It was as if Lizzy had fallen to the bottom of a deep, dark well covered with suffocating water, through which it seemed no light could pierce."
Comment Written 07-Sep-2023
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2023
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Thank you for a poignant review. Play Puff the Magic Dragon on
You Tube It's very metaphorical. I'm sending healing on all levels.
Comment from lyenochka
I'm a little lost in terms of the times when things occurred. Did the relationship with Dodie/Dody occur after the convent? It's good that Lizzy knows that this kind of hurt can kill the spirit and that pain can manifest in physical problems as it did in her mom. I'm glad she has faithful and deep friendships with Bobbie and Malinda.
Dody introduced her to a new (the first half of this post had this name spelled as Dodie - you probably want to keep it consistent.)
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2023
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I'm a little lost in terms of the times when things occurred. Did the relationship with Dodie/Dody occur after the convent? It's good that Lizzy knows that this kind of hurt can kill the spirit and that pain can manifest in physical problems as it did in her mom. I'm glad she has faithful and deep friendships with Bobbie and Malinda.
Dody introduced her to a new (the first half of this post had this name spelled as Dodie - you probably want to keep it consistent.)
Comment Written 06-Sep-2023
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2023
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Thank you for your involved review. The relationship with Dodie occurred near the end and after the convent. There's a part in Ch 2 in the section The Reveal where Lizzy is reflecting on her life's direction as she lies beside Dodie while still being in the convent.
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I was just saying to Jay: "The disconcerting system we have on here is we don't get to the next chapter for a week of two. By then, we've lost the momentum of any book posted.
I often have to go back & read the previous couple of chapters. A summary helps, but not always. So we are essentially coming in cold on most every post."
Comment from Jay Squires
Liz, except for the evidence of poor editing, below, the level of narrative would have been worthy of a six. I do want you to know that it didn't go unappreciated.
For a long time, it seemed, this woman had revealed a precious gift for Lizzy to hold and cherish, and then in one dark, bewildering second, had snatched it away. [Beautifully phrased!]
They have remained dear friends were to this day. [Remove the "were"]
The the physical building [Remove "the"]
"How does one sing, hold a tune ..." [I do not understand the quote mark which seemed at first to be Lizzie's, but later in the paragraph doesn't seem to belong to her. Besides, to whom is the quoted person speaking?]
This is potentially superb writing, again save for the poor editing.
Jay
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2023
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Liz, except for the evidence of poor editing, below, the level of narrative would have been worthy of a six. I do want you to know that it didn't go unappreciated.
For a long time, it seemed, this woman had revealed a precious gift for Lizzy to hold and cherish, and then in one dark, bewildering second, had snatched it away. [Beautifully phrased!]
They have remained dear friends were to this day. [Remove the "were"]
The the physical building [Remove "the"]
"How does one sing, hold a tune ..." [I do not understand the quote mark which seemed at first to be Lizzie's, but later in the paragraph doesn't seem to belong to her. Besides, to whom is the quoted person speaking?]
This is potentially superb writing, again save for the poor editing.
Jay
Comment Written 06-Sep-2023
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2023
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Thank you for your rave review. I am honored. This paragraph is all of Lizzy talking:
"How does one sing, hold a tune, keep rhythm and hide the howl of pain? At the same time a new woman entered the convent. The physical building which housed us for our medieval times in the Novitiate, was for lack of new entries, repurposed."
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But who is Lizzie talking to? She is the narrator of your story, so in effect, she is talking to the reader, but you don't use quote marks for that narrative. All of the sudden, in the middle of a chapter, with no character tags, you have Lizzie speak in dialogue. It seems disconcerting.
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If you read in chapter 1 you will understand the difference between Lizzy & the author invented narrator:
"The Teller
That's where I come in. You see, Lizzy wanted to tell her story herself, but she just couldn't write in autobiographical style with the "I was born in a little town in Vermont...and I did this and I did that and I think...blah, blah, blah."
She means no offense to those who can write that way and make it sound acceptable. She just knows that wouldn't work for her.
And who am I?
Well, I don't actually exist in the physical sense. You might say I'm an invention consisting of everyone who has known Lizzy before, during, and/or after she left the Convent. Don't worry, in no time, you will forget this bit of information.
To safely tell her story, Lizzy wants to use the "time-worn expression with a little addition of her own: "The names and some of the places, herein, have been changed to protect the guilty and Lizzy." The rest is the truth as Lizzy has seen it and lived it.
I suspect she may want to hide behind me when things get too hot. Talking badly about nuns could be risky and reap a bad harvest. I don't mean to imply that Lizzy is any bit of a hider."
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The disconcerting system we have on here is we don't get to the next chapter for a week of two. By then, we've lost the momentum of any book posted.
I often have to go back & read the previous couple of chapters. A summary helps, but not always. So we are essentially coming in cold on most every post.
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I understand that, and I think I even understand your motivation, but what I'm getting at is the mechanics of writing. Those mechanics (grammar and syntax and all) is what we all share and we can't deviate from that without getting blank stares from our reading audience. You run this risk whenever you toss in a set of quotation marks which isolates that part to one and only one character ... and then not identify that character by a speaker tag ... then you're running into uncharted territory where many readers will simply abandon the post. I hope that clarifies my meaning. What you explained above, though, was well thought out and took a lot of time, I know. Thank you for being so thorough.
Jay
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Thank you for your efforts to guide me.
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
Early in your story, you talk about being abandoned by Dody. Yet as I read further, you rode the elephant when you were with Dody. I think. Your story is interesting, but at the beginning you need to talk about the fun you had with Dodie and then her removal of herself from your life, even though you lived in the same building. I thought you bought the house after Dodie also, but I'm not sure now. "Eventually, I changed things". . . is an excellent paragraph to remove Dody from your life entirely.
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2023
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Early in your story, you talk about being abandoned by Dody. Yet as I read further, you rode the elephant when you were with Dody. I think. Your story is interesting, but at the beginning you need to talk about the fun you had with Dodie and then her removal of herself from your life, even though you lived in the same building. I thought you bought the house after Dodie also, but I'm not sure now. "Eventually, I changed things". . . is an excellent paragraph to remove Dody from your life entirely.
Comment Written 06-Sep-2023
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2023
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Thank you for your supportive review.
