Teenagers
The teens of the wild bunch.3 total reviews
Comment from Karen Cherry Threadgill
The poem is nice. The picture was complimentary.I Imagine this was hard to do. When you get a chance, please read my first lune poem, my first poem period, and my first writing here, "Remittance". Tell me what you think. Karen
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2023
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The poem is nice. The picture was complimentary.I Imagine this was hard to do. When you get a chance, please read my first lune poem, my first poem period, and my first writing here, "Remittance". Tell me what you think. Karen
Comment Written 17-Sep-2023
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2023
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Thank you!
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u r welcome
Comment from Eleri
This is an interesting idea for a Pleiades poem but there are a number of things wrong with it unfortunately. Firstly your title should be just one word here eg 'Teenagers' would have been fine and, as that is your title, I would not recommend starting your first line with the same word. Also, the poem is only supposed to have seven lines whereas yours has twelve. You have started three lines with 'the' so I would get rid of them or rewrite them and your rhythm is very choppy in places varying from seven to seventeen beats per line. I am sure that you can edit the poem in time for the contest cut-off time though so good luck with it
Eleri
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2023
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This is an interesting idea for a Pleiades poem but there are a number of things wrong with it unfortunately. Firstly your title should be just one word here eg 'Teenagers' would have been fine and, as that is your title, I would not recommend starting your first line with the same word. Also, the poem is only supposed to have seven lines whereas yours has twelve. You have started three lines with 'the' so I would get rid of them or rewrite them and your rhythm is very choppy in places varying from seven to seventeen beats per line. I am sure that you can edit the poem in time for the contest cut-off time though so good luck with it
Eleri
Comment Written 16-Sep-2023
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2023
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Thank you for pointing it out. I have made the changes. Can you please revise it? Is it now good enough? I agree with your criticism.
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That is better but I don't quite understand the 'teen youth who had gone lost' bit - do you mean teens you had got lost' or something along those lines? Also, you have misspelt 'togther'
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Is this better now? Please revise it. Thank you for your help!
Comment from Alexandra Trovato
You've created an excellent poem for today's challenge, and you have each line starting with the letter T. Your lines will engage readers.
Excellent work!
Best wishes!
Alexandra
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2023
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You've created an excellent poem for today's challenge, and you have each line starting with the letter T. Your lines will engage readers.
Excellent work!
Best wishes!
Alexandra
Comment Written 16-Sep-2023
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2023
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Thank you very much!
