September By the Sea
Faith poem45 total reviews
Comment from Jasmine Girl
So clever this one is. I like your faith reflected in the seasonal changes of the weather. It's so beautifully written as usual. I haven't been here recently due to many deadlines including the homework for the poetry class. Now I'm back.
Excellent.
reply by the author on 04-Oct-2023
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So clever this one is. I like your faith reflected in the seasonal changes of the weather. It's so beautifully written as usual. I haven't been here recently due to many deadlines including the homework for the poetry class. Now I'm back.
Excellent.
Comment Written 03-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 04-Oct-2023
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Hello, dear. Lisa. Thank you so much for the lovely comments. I am glad you like it. I know that our class is challenging me at the moment! I am so extra busy and I know you are too. Thanks again.
Melissa
Comment from Daylily
This is wonderfully written. I used to live by the sea and have always been amazed by its many moods. Giving tribute to God is a heartwarming uplift. He truly is the inspiring Creator of both earth and celestial beauty.
reply by the author on 04-Oct-2023
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This is wonderfully written. I used to live by the sea and have always been amazed by its many moods. Giving tribute to God is a heartwarming uplift. He truly is the inspiring Creator of both earth and celestial beauty.
Comment Written 03-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 04-Oct-2023
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Thank you so much for the lovely review, and understanding what I wanted to convey!
Melissa
Comment from Father Flaps
Hi Melissa,
This has to be Poem of the Month material. My goodness, it's good!
Love the galloping beat. It reminds me of a poem I wrote years ago. Can I share it with you?
My Strawberry Blonde
Early each morning, when I was a wee lad,
I looked for the maiden who danced by the swing.
Her eyes were as green as the grass in the meadow,
And all of that summer my heart was in spring.
She told me her dreams. Her lips were like flowers.
Her arms were as dainty as branches above.
Her hair decorated a freshly picked daisy.
Though just four years old, I was deeply in love.
She pushed me to heights in apple tree blossoms.
The cords of the swing were tied to my heart.
I told her that one day we two could get married.
She told me that soon she would have to depart.
For she was in college, someplace called "Toronto".
September was coming, and she would be gone.
That morning she hugged me. It's all I remember.
I'll never forget my strawberry blonde.
(posted April 21st, 2012)
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The picture reminds me so much of the view from Seaview Beach in Prince Edward Island. The only things missing are the fine reddish sand and our cairn terrier at the time, Annie.
I can only offer one teeny-tiny suggestion,
"and twitters of birdsong (awaken) my mind,
I stretch as I (waken) abandoning slumber" ... (I might change one of these words to avoid repetition. For example,
and twitters of birdsong awaken my mind,
I stretch as I roll out, abandoning slumber, )
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There are so many great lines, it's difficult to decide on a favorite.
But this really struck home with me, such perfect imagery...
"I sit on the shore as I'm washed by the rhythms;
communing with Life as I'm one with the sea."
No wonder you won the contest... Congratulations!
Hugs,
Kimbob
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2023
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Hi Melissa,
This has to be Poem of the Month material. My goodness, it's good!
Love the galloping beat. It reminds me of a poem I wrote years ago. Can I share it with you?
My Strawberry Blonde
Early each morning, when I was a wee lad,
I looked for the maiden who danced by the swing.
Her eyes were as green as the grass in the meadow,
And all of that summer my heart was in spring.
She told me her dreams. Her lips were like flowers.
Her arms were as dainty as branches above.
Her hair decorated a freshly picked daisy.
Though just four years old, I was deeply in love.
She pushed me to heights in apple tree blossoms.
The cords of the swing were tied to my heart.
I told her that one day we two could get married.
She told me that soon she would have to depart.
For she was in college, someplace called "Toronto".
September was coming, and she would be gone.
That morning she hugged me. It's all I remember.
I'll never forget my strawberry blonde.
(posted April 21st, 2012)
*********************************************************
The picture reminds me so much of the view from Seaview Beach in Prince Edward Island. The only things missing are the fine reddish sand and our cairn terrier at the time, Annie.
I can only offer one teeny-tiny suggestion,
"and twitters of birdsong (awaken) my mind,
I stretch as I (waken) abandoning slumber" ... (I might change one of these words to avoid repetition. For example,
and twitters of birdsong awaken my mind,
I stretch as I roll out, abandoning slumber, )
***********************************************
There are so many great lines, it's difficult to decide on a favorite.
But this really struck home with me, such perfect imagery...
"I sit on the shore as I'm washed by the rhythms;
communing with Life as I'm one with the sea."
No wonder you won the contest... Congratulations!
Hugs,
Kimbob
Comment Written 02-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2023
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Hello KB. Your review and comments melt my heart. I thank you deeply for your assurances that this verse accomplished it mission ~ to bless people and resonate with them too. I really enjoyed your verse ~ Strawberry Blonde and you did have the amphibrach meter going nicely. It was a well-written and fun read! I appreciate all you've shared with me, my friend!! Melissa
Comment from Ric Myworld
I read very little poetry, but on those rare occasions when I stumble across something that touches a soft spot or paints a lasting picture, I'm thankful.
Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2023
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I read very little poetry, but on those rare occasions when I stumble across something that touches a soft spot or paints a lasting picture, I'm thankful.
Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 02-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2023
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Hello Ric. I am very delighted that you enjoyed this verse. Your words really resonated with me and I thank you for them.
Melissa
Comment from Lobber
Hi Ms M.,
Putting Faith into a seasonal structure is a neat idea. Well perceived and well done. Congrats my friend. I still have much to learn.
- Jerry
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2023
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Hi Ms M.,
Putting Faith into a seasonal structure is a neat idea. Well perceived and well done. Congrats my friend. I still have much to learn.
- Jerry
Comment Written 02-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2023
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Hello Jer... thanks so much, my dear friend. I am so glad you liked this verse and that it resonated with you too. You are a fine poet and I hope to be able to read more of your work soon. Hugs!!
Melissa
Comment from Contests
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2023
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 A contest winning entry! A seven star rating from the Contest Committee for posting the winning contest entry. |
Comment Written 02-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2023
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Thank you so much! I am very honored by the selection.
Melissa ~ Sugarray77
Comment from Carol Clark2
Nice use of personification, and occasional alliteration in your lovely poem. A beautiful picture; the sky seems as if it's been painted by God's hand. Best wishes in the contest, and blessings on your week. Carol
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2023
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Nice use of personification, and occasional alliteration in your lovely poem. A beautiful picture; the sky seems as if it's been painted by God's hand. Best wishes in the contest, and blessings on your week. Carol
Comment Written 01-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2023
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Hello Carol. Thank you so much for your lovely review on this verse. I am delighted that you liked it and that it meant something to you. Hugs.
Melissa
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You're welcome, Melissa. I was at the ocean a few weeks ago, and it was lovely and restful, although there were some rip currents from a forming hurricane. I opted for the pools.
Comment from Paul Manton
Sugarray, this is certainly worth a six, which I don't have. four quatrains in iambic tetrameter - abcb with one abab rhyme - all faultless.
A particularly accomplished use of enjambment throughout the poem, and some really nice metaphors: 'paints the sky in pink roses'; 'washed by the rhythms' (synesthesia too) - and then the the obvious personification of 'September' - rather Keatsian in style.
So I loved it - especially the end when you brought yourself into the idea - rather like Ecclesiastes 3 - there is a season for each of us too.
Sorry it's only a five, Sugarray.
Paul
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2023
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Sugarray, this is certainly worth a six, which I don't have. four quatrains in iambic tetrameter - abcb with one abab rhyme - all faultless.
A particularly accomplished use of enjambment throughout the poem, and some really nice metaphors: 'paints the sky in pink roses'; 'washed by the rhythms' (synesthesia too) - and then the the obvious personification of 'September' - rather Keatsian in style.
So I loved it - especially the end when you brought yourself into the idea - rather like Ecclesiastes 3 - there is a season for each of us too.
Sorry it's only a five, Sugarray.
Paul
Comment Written 29-Sep-2023
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2023
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Hello Paul. Thank you so much for your lovely review and for your six star wishes. I'm glad you liked it. Your review was so very well written that it encourages me to press on and do more writing. Thanks again!!
Melissa
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Be encouraged, Sugarray. I look forward to reading you again.
Paul
Comment from angel123
Your Free Verse poem is beautifully written. It flows well with passion, and I enjoyed reading it. You pulled me in emotionally and it was a nice place to visit to peacefully relax. Your artwork choice complimented your poem, but your words painted a stand-alone masterpiece of artistry. I look forward to reading more of your poems. Best wishes! Angel123
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2023
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Your Free Verse poem is beautifully written. It flows well with passion, and I enjoyed reading it. You pulled me in emotionally and it was a nice place to visit to peacefully relax. Your artwork choice complimented your poem, but your words painted a stand-alone masterpiece of artistry. I look forward to reading more of your poems. Best wishes! Angel123
Comment Written 29-Sep-2023
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2023
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Hello Angel. Thank you so much for your lovely review and comments. They are very much appreciated!
Melissa
Comment from Teri7
This is a very beautiful and very well written Faith poem you have penned for the contest. You used very good descriptive words and very beautiful imagery from the artwork you chose. Best wishes in the contest. love and blessings, Teri
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2023
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This is a very beautiful and very well written Faith poem you have penned for the contest. You used very good descriptive words and very beautiful imagery from the artwork you chose. Best wishes in the contest. love and blessings, Teri
Comment Written 28-Sep-2023
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2023
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Thank you so much. Teri!! I am so glad you liked it.
Melissa
