Online Dating with Jiffy
Coaching on how to succeed with online dating2 total reviews
Comment from Daylily
Your posting offers some very good tips for avoiding mistakes in online dating. The main characters are very likeable, as well.
Here are some typos that would be easy to correct:
"Where else (should be What else) has this guy been lying about between his teeth?" Also: between his teeth is a trite phrase. It is better to just say: What else has this guy been lying about?
I am not sure what this means:
but empty heads and shallow hearts[will].[i]
(It seems like they might just be some extra key strokes that were left in by mistake.)
but empty heads and shallow hearts[will].[i]
At the end, I will give you the opportunity to share them with me and with other (others) on this site.
Best wishes in the contest!
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2023
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Your posting offers some very good tips for avoiding mistakes in online dating. The main characters are very likeable, as well.
Here are some typos that would be easy to correct:
"Where else (should be What else) has this guy been lying about between his teeth?" Also: between his teeth is a trite phrase. It is better to just say: What else has this guy been lying about?
I am not sure what this means:
but empty heads and shallow hearts[will].[i]
(It seems like they might just be some extra key strokes that were left in by mistake.)
but empty heads and shallow hearts[will].[i]
At the end, I will give you the opportunity to share them with me and with other (others) on this site.
Best wishes in the contest!
Comment Written 30-Sep-2023
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2023
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Thank you for your thoughtful review. ~A
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Thank you for your thoughtful review. ~A
Comment from prettybluebirds
My main take from your story would be that honesty is the best policy when introducing yourself to a potential partner. You do have a couple of small errors. (There) mentors should be (their) mentors. You left out the word (is) in (There is potential). This is rather long, and a lot of reviewers will skip reading it for shorter stories. Best of luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2023
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My main take from your story would be that honesty is the best policy when introducing yourself to a potential partner. You do have a couple of small errors. (There) mentors should be (their) mentors. You left out the word (is) in (There is potential). This is rather long, and a lot of reviewers will skip reading it for shorter stories. Best of luck in the contest.
Comment Written 30-Sep-2023
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2023
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Thank you for your thoughtful review. ~A
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Thank you for your thoughtful review. ~A
