Esme A Survivor of Life
Viewing comments for Chapter 2 "Dave"How do you survive life when it gives you pain?
7 total reviews
Comment from lancellot
Reading this fiction tale, I get two impressions right away.
1) This feels all telling. We are told everything, including feelings but aren't shown anything.
2) Your MC feels like a passenger or perpetual victim in her own life. Everything is done to her, and usually because of others. It makes her feel whinny and like she had no agency in her life. Or a child in adult clothing.
I wanted to be a veterinarian, but my parents {couldn't't} afford college
-couldn't
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2023
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Reading this fiction tale, I get two impressions right away.
1) This feels all telling. We are told everything, including feelings but aren't shown anything.
2) Your MC feels like a passenger or perpetual victim in her own life. Everything is done to her, and usually because of others. It makes her feel whinny and like she had no agency in her life. Or a child in adult clothing.
I wanted to be a veterinarian, but my parents {couldn't't} afford college
-couldn't
Comment Written 12-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2023
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Thank you for reading and for your review. I will fix the error. Thank you.
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
Congrats on this milestone! I really enjoyed your story which carried me along with great pace, interest and a good connecting warmth with the narrator. Your story reflected so well the mixed emotions of growing up and the challenges that so often exist with parents. In the end the writer seems to be trapped in a coercive relationship and finding the struggle has then turned inwards between head and heart. There are some hiccups along the way and, ideally, it could do with another proofread. Such edits as: 2nd para - na(i)ve; 3rd para - (couldn't); 4th para - the last sentence isn't completed - that diplomats(') kids and kids from overseas whose parents were considered rich in their country......:? 5th para - odd that the father wanted to take her virginity (although I think I understand the meaning here). However, I think you convey the confusion and ambivalence of naivety well and the whole story possesses an endearing honesty and credibility that, with refinement, reflect the talents of a skilful writer. Well done and good luck in your writing. Debbie
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2023
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Congrats on this milestone! I really enjoyed your story which carried me along with great pace, interest and a good connecting warmth with the narrator. Your story reflected so well the mixed emotions of growing up and the challenges that so often exist with parents. In the end the writer seems to be trapped in a coercive relationship and finding the struggle has then turned inwards between head and heart. There are some hiccups along the way and, ideally, it could do with another proofread. Such edits as: 2nd para - na(i)ve; 3rd para - (couldn't); 4th para - the last sentence isn't completed - that diplomats(') kids and kids from overseas whose parents were considered rich in their country......:? 5th para - odd that the father wanted to take her virginity (although I think I understand the meaning here). However, I think you convey the confusion and ambivalence of naivety well and the whole story possesses an endearing honesty and credibility that, with refinement, reflect the talents of a skilful writer. Well done and good luck in your writing. Debbie
Comment Written 12-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2023
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Thank you for reading and for you review. I fixed the errors, and thank you for pointing them out.
Comment from kahpot
"being only a nave child" (should this be naive) or have I misunderstood (nave) though sad, this is a wonderful read, you describe how some people end up in these sorts of situations, and how they deal and survive, very well written, I look forward to more, ****kahpot
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2023
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"being only a nave child" (should this be naive) or have I misunderstood (nave) though sad, this is a wonderful read, you describe how some people end up in these sorts of situations, and how they deal and survive, very well written, I look forward to more, ****kahpot
Comment Written 08-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2023
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Thank you for reading and for your review. Thank you for pointing out the mistake and it was fixed.
Comment from royowen
Oh yes, sometimes an uncomfortable feeling can be a feeling of losing the safe things of life, and embracing dangerous thing, but it can be insecurity, your husband wasn't a respectful man, if he had been a loving man, he would have considered your feelings, beautifully written my friend, blessings Roy
Typo : listened to my gut (and) not moved.
reply by the author on 08-Oct-2023
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Oh yes, sometimes an uncomfortable feeling can be a feeling of losing the safe things of life, and embracing dangerous thing, but it can be insecurity, your husband wasn't a respectful man, if he had been a loving man, he would have considered your feelings, beautifully written my friend, blessings Roy
Typo : listened to my gut (and) not moved.
Comment Written 08-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 08-Oct-2023
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Thank you for reading and your review. I fixed the error, and thank you for pointing it out.
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Most welcome
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Thank you for sharing this with us. I enjoyed reading and you are doing a good job writing this. I know this story will help many women. Also, congratulations on your 100th milestone post.
didn't like me and didn't think I was good enough for her son.
On my seventeenth birthday, & bad moments that I remember.
I remember being kidded ( both need a paragraph space here)
The next morning, when I woke up, (The following )
Dave sleeping next to me. (sleeping beside me)
"Mom I don't think this is a good idea (comma after 'Mom,")
reply by the author on 08-Oct-2023
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Thank you for sharing this with us. I enjoyed reading and you are doing a good job writing this. I know this story will help many women. Also, congratulations on your 100th milestone post.
didn't like me and didn't think I was good enough for her son.
On my seventeenth birthday, & bad moments that I remember.
I remember being kidded ( both need a paragraph space here)
The next morning, when I woke up, (The following )
Dave sleeping next to me. (sleeping beside me)
"Mom I don't think this is a good idea (comma after 'Mom,")
Comment Written 08-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 08-Oct-2023
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Thank you for reading and for your review. I always learn something with my writing when you review it. I fixed the errors and I appreciate you pointing them out. Thank you for the congratulations on the 100th post. I really appreciate it.
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
What a sad story, and sadder life. Men know how to ill treat a young woman, and lord it over them. You were unlucky to have had a step-father like him, and a mother who was more interested in herself than her child, no wonder you weren't prepared. I hope you are going to continue this story, I'm really interested in where you take us. Well done! :)) Sandra xx
reply by the author on 08-Oct-2023
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What a sad story, and sadder life. Men know how to ill treat a young woman, and lord it over them. You were unlucky to have had a step-father like him, and a mother who was more interested in herself than her child, no wonder you weren't prepared. I hope you are going to continue this story, I'm really interested in where you take us. Well done! :)) Sandra xx
Comment Written 08-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 08-Oct-2023
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Thank you for reading and for your review. I will be finishing this story. I have already started the next chapter.
Comment from Ric Myworld
I don't usually read many essays but I certainly enjoyed this chapter of your book, and I'm sure there are plenty of people who can relate to the happenings. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 08-Oct-2023
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I don't usually read many essays but I certainly enjoyed this chapter of your book, and I'm sure there are plenty of people who can relate to the happenings. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 08-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 08-Oct-2023
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Thank you for reading and for your review.
