Reviews from

Return To Concorde Valley

Viewing comments for Chapter 11 "Echo's Diversion"
Fantasy based on the intersection of two worlds.

20 total reviews 
Comment from Karen Cherry Threadgill
Excellent
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Still good gotta read more. Still good gotta read more. Still good gotta read more. Still good gotta read more. Still good gotta read more. Still good gotta read more. Karen

 Comment Written 16-Jan-2024

Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

I'm glad I had a six left, Rhonda, I will have to check whats going on, I didn't get a PM to tell my you'd posted! I checked back and I had read and reviewed them all, well, I have now! I'm so glad Echo is with Theo again, those Specters are most definitely NOT nice. I'm also glad that she managed to get Sunny. I really enjoyed this chapter, and will make sure I keep an eye out for the next chapter. Well done, my friend. :)) Sandra xx

 Comment Written 26-Oct-2023


reply by the author on 26-Oct-2023
    Hi Sandra! I?m so glad you were able to find and review my chapter, and so very happy you graced me with a starry six! You were sweet to do it.

    I am a week behind on posting another one. I have grades due this week.

    Hugs,
    Rhonda
Comment from rspoet
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

Hello Rhonda,
Another marvelous chapter for the story with just the right amount of tension.
Theo is central to the story, it's good to see his character return and the relationship develop between Theo and Echo.
Though the spelling's different, the Specters reminds me of Spectre in James Bond stories. But then, these guys aren't human.
Concorde Valley sounds like a great place to visit, and green eyes are much better than red.
Perhaps Echo has her own ties to Concorde Valley.
Well done.
Best wishes.
Robert

 Comment Written 19-Oct-2023


reply by the author on 19-Oct-2023
    Thank you for the six stars, my friend! They are welcome and brilliant!

    Green eyes are better than red, lol, but not everyone?s are green, just the ones that were trying to set Theo up.

    And, I have no idea how you do it, but you always do! You discover one of my plot twists, lol!

    Thanks again, Robert! You and Pam are awesome!

    Rhonda
Comment from Pam (respa)
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

Excellent artwork and story to go with it, Rhonda. It is your best so far. It flows well, and you you do a good job mixing the tension and the calmer moments, but the tension is always in the background until it springs forth at the end.

It is nice to see Echo and Theo together. They have both matured, but still have the connection they once had years ago. Theo takes charge and has to be careful how to word things but also get across important information to Echo about how they are going to make it.

I was surprised Theo's father was a doctor. I could feel the cold from the snowy night and the tension as each had different jobs to do. It was harder for Echo since she didn't know what she was going to encounter. It seems the green mist is protecting her as she makes her way to her apartment. From there chaos is going to take over. I'm sure you have a good plan in store for Echo and Theo.

An excellent chapter, my friend, I enjoyed reading it.

One very small thing:
*who knows she outclassed by you
[she's outclassed by you]

 Comment Written 18-Oct-2023


reply by the author on 18-Oct-2023
    Thank you for the lovely review, Pam! It?s so nice that you caught onto my major, and minor, points.
    I really tried to tie together the children they were to the adults they?ve become.
    Theo?s dad has many hats he wears, and being the village doctor is one of them. Father and son will share many common characteristics, but not that one, lol.
    The green mist is one of Theo?s super powers and will tie into his heritage. Definitely used to mask Echo?s mad dash to her kitty and apartment.

    Thanks for finding the grammas snafu. I?ll get it fixed.

    Thanks again for the stars,
    Rhond
reply by Pam (respa) on 19-Oct-2023
    You are very welcome and deserving of the stars and review, Rhonda. I appreciate your reply.
Comment from BethShelby
Excellent
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This is a great story and is becomeing more magical and intriguing as it progresses. I'm anxious to see what the place Theo is from is like and what his father is like.

 Comment Written 18-Oct-2023


reply by the author on 18-Oct-2023
    Hi Beth,
    Thanks for taking the time to read the extra long chapter. I tried to break it midway, but really had to get it all out.

    They will meet his family very soon, and he ends up having a really large one, lol. The father is much like the son... though I'm not sure either realizes it.

    Hugs,
    Rhonda
Comment from JSD
Excellent
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Long but exceedingly gripping and exciting writing. Well done. Your authentic dialogue makes these characters come to life and the action is so well handled. Thank you for entertaining me so royally.

 Comment Written 18-Oct-2023


reply by the author on 18-Oct-2023
    Hi John,
    Yes, the chapter is long, but I couldn't really find a breaking spot. I kept trying, lol.
    I'm so glad I was able to entertain you. That's the point, in the end, isn't it.
    I'm glad the dialogue is authentic. Under the circumstances, it was difficult to keep it real.
    Take care,
    Rhonda
Comment from forestport12
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

Oh, you turned this into a cliff-hanging page turner! Nice. I like some of the descriptive imagery you used here. Things that seem simple but give great imagery and mood, like when you say, she hugged herself or she cut her eyes over to him. Glowing red eyes? It works, but maybe add other unique quirks to the Specter evilness. That name Specter sounds like someone from a real life evil that happened. LOVE what you do. You're a pro and should know. If you have my attention with fantasy or sci-fi, then you know it's good. Great plot too. It deepens.

 Comment Written 17-Oct-2023


reply by the author on 18-Oct-2023
    Hi Stan,
    Thanks so much for the six stars, and especially for the careful review.
    Thanks for the advice on the Specters. You are so right, I need to build up their characters.
    I actually got the details from you on a review before where you told me how to build up the dialogue to get more setting. I'm glad it's working.
    On using the term Specter, I was trying to find something that is known, but not overdone by other works.
    I appreciate you, my friend!
    Rhonda
Comment from Annmuma
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

As I mentioned Saturday, I don't get immersed in many books on Fanstory. the time between published chapters and my time for visiting Fanstory create a difficulty in keeping up. It sort of interferes with the pleasure of reading them. Still, I like to catch a chapter here and there. You always do a fantastic job of bringing the reader up to day and the notes are very good. This is well-written and creative chapter. The characters are well-defined and the scene clearly painted. Good job. ann

 Comment Written 17-Oct-2023


reply by the author on 18-Oct-2023
    Hi Ann,
    I so appreciate you taking the time. I tend to wait on other people's book, then back read to get the flow. When I get more time, I'll work on the short stories. They aren't as taxing for me as trying to keep all the threads together for a novel. I tend to drop characters, or make some reappear who are supposed to be somewhere else, lol. That's one reason I posted the old poem, that and I had told y'all about it.

    I appreciate you,
    Hugs,
    Rhonda
Comment from Sarah Robin
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

I am enjoying your book. You have painted pictures of your characters with your descriptions. Well done. I am anxious to see what is happening next! Thank you for sharing this story with us. Sarah

 Comment Written 17-Oct-2023


reply by the author on 18-Oct-2023
    Hi Sarah,
    It's so good to hear from you again. I've been so busy at work I haven't had time to look into your work, but it's on my mind, my friend!!

    Thank you so much for the six stars. They've lifted my day.
    Hugs,
    Rhonda
Comment from lyenochka
Excellent
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Oh no! She couldn't even call her grandparents to let them know. I guess there will be a search for her after all.
I liked how you did this reunion. It's clear that Echo and Theo belong together and deeply care for one another.
You did great job creating the sense of fearfulness because of the pursuit and the balance of renewed trust as this relationship is reintroduced.

 Comment Written 16-Oct-2023


reply by the author on 18-Oct-2023
    Hi Helen!!

    Hope all is well with you. I'm so glad you were able to review this chapter.
    Her grandparents will find out. They know more than she thinks the do (in a good way).
    I'm so glad the reunion sounded authentic. They are in a bit of a hurry, but some things just need saying.
    Love and hugs,
    Rhonda
reply by lyenochka on 18-Oct-2023
    Hope all's well with you, too. Prayed for you on Monday as we pray for schools with my grandma friends.