Reviews from

severed leaves take flight

Haiku contest entry

18 total reviews 
Comment from dragonpoet
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Hi Neonewman
This is a good mix of personification and metaphor describing the falling leaves in Autumn.
Congrats of the honorable mention in the contest.
Keep writing and stay healthy.
Happy Holidays.
Joan

 Comment Written 11-Dec-2023

Comment from lyenochka
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You've covered all the key points of a haiku with the seasonal reference of autumn and the satori ending of "sympathetic fall." And I liked your personification of the leaves and wind. Best wishes in the contest!

 Comment Written 18-Nov-2023

reply by the author on 18-Nov-2023
    Thank you, Helen, for the excellent review.
    God bless,
    Steve
Comment from lancellot
Excellent
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This is very good. Perfect syllable count and form. A winning entry.

notes:

severed leaves take flight
as north winds tickle the trees-
sympathetic Fall

-You don't have to, but the purest secret voters may prefer:

Severed leaves take flight
As north winds tickle the trees-
Sympathetic Fall

 Comment Written 16-Nov-2023

reply by the author on 16-Nov-2023
    Thank you, Lancellot for this excellent review. I did, with the first and 3rd lines, thank you.
    God bless,
    Steve
Comment from Yusita
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Love it! I just learned about Haiku not too long ago and have taken quite a liking to it. I must say, yours is as "Haiku" as it gets! Short but sweet and dreamy, which is what Haiku is all about... for me, anyways. In any case, lovely work!

PS: I love Autumn as well as writing about it--as do you, it seems! :)

All the best,
-Yusita

 Comment Written 15-Nov-2023

reply by the author on 16-Nov-2023
    I absolutely do, Yusita. Thank you for this excellent review. I enjoyed the prompt.
    God bless,
    Steve
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
Excellent
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What an amazing visual to complement your fine verse! You've captured movement of the leaves and personified the scene with your tickling of the trees and 'sympathetic' fall. Very well done and good luck! Debbie

 Comment Written 15-Nov-2023

reply by the author on 16-Nov-2023
    Thank you, Debbie. I enjoyed this prompt and love this time of the year.
    God bless,
    Steve
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
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Excellent entry for the haiku contest. I would add a dash at the end of the second line.

I like the presentation too. Concrete images easy to visualize.

Good syllables count and connection between lines.

I appreciate your writing talent. Well done!

Gypsy
"Poetry heals the wounds inflicted by reason" -- Novalis

 Comment Written 15-Nov-2023

reply by the author on 16-Nov-2023
    Thank you, Gypsy, for the excellent review and advice. I agree and added the dash.
    God bless,
    Steve
Comment from Boogienights
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This poem reminds me that winter will soon be upon us. It's very beautiful and descriptive, I love the picture you chose to go with it. A great contest entry, best of luck.

 Comment Written 15-Nov-2023

reply by the author on 16-Nov-2023
    Thank you, Boogienights. I love this time of the year.
    God bless,
    Steve
Comment from Ric Myworld
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I like Haiku poems, which I call sneeze poems because of how much is said and shown with so few words. And if we could see through the leaves and into the near future, there would be ice and snow on the way. Thanks for sharing.

 Comment Written 15-Nov-2023

reply by the author on 16-Nov-2023
    Thank you, Ric, for the excellent review, my friend. We don't get much Ice or snow here in the Houston area, we don't cope well with it either when it comes lol.
    God bless,
    Steve
Comment from jake cosmos aller
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I like this haiku very much. I like the ending words as it packs a punch and drives home the rich imagery of a fall day with a bitter cold northern wind scattering the leaves about.

 Comment Written 15-Nov-2023

reply by the author on 15-Nov-2023
    Thank you, Jake, for this most excellent review. I love this time of the year.
    God bless,
    Steve
Comment from Tom Horonzy
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The photo chosen would have gone well with my entry Autumnal Scene.
It also seems you and I had our mental paths cross concerning the third season of the year.
Well done.

 Comment Written 15-Nov-2023

reply by the author on 15-Nov-2023
    Thank you again, Tom, for another wonderful review. Yes, I agree, the photo would have paired well with your brilliant work.
    God bless,
    Steve