Doors
Viewing comments for Chapter 6 "Antonio Viene"An Encanto fan fic, cause why not.
3 total reviews
Comment from Jacob1395
This was an engaging piece of writing and I liked how you brought your character's personalities to life in their dialogue, which I thought was done really well. I was interested to see that this is fan fiction based on Encanto in your notes, as I really enjoyed the movie. A well written piece. I enjoyed reading it.
reply by the author on 04-Dec-2023
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This was an engaging piece of writing and I liked how you brought your character's personalities to life in their dialogue, which I thought was done really well. I was interested to see that this is fan fiction based on Encanto in your notes, as I really enjoyed the movie. A well written piece. I enjoyed reading it.
Comment Written 03-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 04-Dec-2023
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Thank you, I am pleased you enjoyed it!
Comment from lancellot
I never watched the movie, but I know it is a children's story, and I think this is too. It is well written and edited. The family is nice as are the animals and the general mood of this chapter. Not much happens but emotional softness.
reply by the author on 04-Dec-2023
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I never watched the movie, but I know it is a children's story, and I think this is too. It is well written and edited. The family is nice as are the animals and the general mood of this chapter. Not much happens but emotional softness.
Comment Written 02-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 04-Dec-2023
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Thanks, I am a softie at heart...
Comment from Allezw2
So, picking up this from a later chapter, even with the disclaimer, the characters zoom about the page. The relationships seem a bit sketchy without the enlightenment of the earlier postings. Hence, I will have to reade those to affirm the relevance. It is a fine cast of characters, thinking back to Cinderella.
To my mind, the sentences too often seem like bits sort of pasted together. The first paragraph is a series of thoughts whose only relationship to each other is that they are in the same paragraph.
It is too reminiscent of a toddler's first book. "This is Jane. This is Paul. Paul and Jane are friends."
The wonderful part of English is the variety of the forms of word groupings to express any number of circumstances. You can use these words to connect thoughts together in a pleasing whole.
I really like the fantasy of the different animals and their associations. The Jaguar and bits of Spanish demunitives are a nice way to set the scene in Spanish Middle America as a first impression.
It's a clever bit, and I will certainly read more. After all, if a radio drama is the theater of the mind; how much more expressive can a well-turned phrase be? By reading and re-reading, one can truly understand the intricacies of the expression that the author intended. A true storyteller will establish his universe and open it to all.
Live long and write well,
Fantasist
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2023
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So, picking up this from a later chapter, even with the disclaimer, the characters zoom about the page. The relationships seem a bit sketchy without the enlightenment of the earlier postings. Hence, I will have to reade those to affirm the relevance. It is a fine cast of characters, thinking back to Cinderella.
To my mind, the sentences too often seem like bits sort of pasted together. The first paragraph is a series of thoughts whose only relationship to each other is that they are in the same paragraph.
It is too reminiscent of a toddler's first book. "This is Jane. This is Paul. Paul and Jane are friends."
The wonderful part of English is the variety of the forms of word groupings to express any number of circumstances. You can use these words to connect thoughts together in a pleasing whole.
I really like the fantasy of the different animals and their associations. The Jaguar and bits of Spanish demunitives are a nice way to set the scene in Spanish Middle America as a first impression.
It's a clever bit, and I will certainly read more. After all, if a radio drama is the theater of the mind; how much more expressive can a well-turned phrase be? By reading and re-reading, one can truly understand the intricacies of the expression that the author intended. A true storyteller will establish his universe and open it to all.
Live long and write well,
Fantasist
Comment Written 29-Nov-2023
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2023
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Thanks, I appreciate your comments!
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You're quite welcome.
