Doors
Viewing comments for Chapter 7 "Despiertas"An Encanto fan fic, cause why not.
4 total reviews
Comment from Jessica Seligman
This is a cute fanfiction story. I loved Encanto and was excited to get to connect with the characters again. I found the story a bit wordy, which made it less magical and fun to read. There are times when you explain scenes too much, which takes away the need for the reader to imagine. A piece of advice I've read before is to tell less and show more. An example might be in the sentence, "Julieta shrugged, but looked a little embarrassed by the question." You might say instead, "Julieta shrugged, but her cheeks blushed as her eyes darted away." Overall, this is an interesting story that can come to life with some additional editing!
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2023
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This is a cute fanfiction story. I loved Encanto and was excited to get to connect with the characters again. I found the story a bit wordy, which made it less magical and fun to read. There are times when you explain scenes too much, which takes away the need for the reader to imagine. A piece of advice I've read before is to tell less and show more. An example might be in the sentence, "Julieta shrugged, but looked a little embarrassed by the question." You might say instead, "Julieta shrugged, but her cheeks blushed as her eyes darted away." Overall, this is an interesting story that can come to life with some additional editing!
Comment Written 10-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2023
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Thanks, I appreciate you taking the time to comment.
Comment from Ricky1024
This was well written rich in Theme and Imagery.
It also, read well and Flowed Well with no Grammar Issues.
Thanks for sharing this and have a Blessed day.
Doctor Ricky
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2023
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This was well written rich in Theme and Imagery.
It also, read well and Flowed Well with no Grammar Issues.
Thanks for sharing this and have a Blessed day.
Doctor Ricky
Comment Written 10-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2023
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Thanks, I appreciate the rating and your kind comments.
Comment from Lea Tonin1
Interesting what Alma's up to. Your characters, especially her seem pretty vibrant. You've got the flash out and this lady is changed a chameleon. And who likes those rats at the beginning holy smoke yuck. I don't have the privilege of reading your first few chapters which I should will help me understand this one a little bit better. Having said that, unless I say it's written by a talented hand someone who knows exactly what they're saying and chose it with words very well. No issues with grammar punctuation sentence structure or subject matter to good entry. I wish you best of luck with your butt. Have a great day!
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2023
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Interesting what Alma's up to. Your characters, especially her seem pretty vibrant. You've got the flash out and this lady is changed a chameleon. And who likes those rats at the beginning holy smoke yuck. I don't have the privilege of reading your first few chapters which I should will help me understand this one a little bit better. Having said that, unless I say it's written by a talented hand someone who knows exactly what they're saying and chose it with words very well. No issues with grammar punctuation sentence structure or subject matter to good entry. I wish you best of luck with your butt. Have a great day!
Comment Written 09-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2023
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Thanks, I appreciate you taking time to leave such a thoughtful review.
Comment from T.A. Walk
I tend to draw scenes from overlapping times and perspectives so I can appreciate your notes!
My children and I loved this movie so it was cool to already know everyone and see them again.
If I may make a suggestion, maybe break up your paragraphs a little more where they're mixed with dialog and information.
Other than that, I can't wait to see where it all goes from here.
I look forward to seeing your project evolve. Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2023
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I tend to draw scenes from overlapping times and perspectives so I can appreciate your notes!
My children and I loved this movie so it was cool to already know everyone and see them again.
If I may make a suggestion, maybe break up your paragraphs a little more where they're mixed with dialog and information.
Other than that, I can't wait to see where it all goes from here.
I look forward to seeing your project evolve. Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 09-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2023
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Thanks, I know I do prattle on every now and again. On a side note - does T.A. Walk stand for take a walk? Just asking for a friend. Have a great night, and thanks for the kind review.
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It only stands for that if I don?t like you :)
Just my initials for anonymity!
