The Commissar Visits
An uninvited guest. . .9 total reviews
Comment from Wendy G
Exactly. Creative way of expressing the attitude of superiority some have. They'll do what they like regardless of others. I like the original and meaningful theme and the thoughtful imagery. Best wishes for your entry.
Wendy
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2023
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Exactly. Creative way of expressing the attitude of superiority some have. They'll do what they like regardless of others. I like the original and meaningful theme and the thoughtful imagery. Best wishes for your entry.
Wendy
Comment Written 10-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2023
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Thank you!
Comment from karenina
I think I've seen this scenario play out in many an old movie. Yet another psychological mind game. You found depth in a 4-8-4 contest and that is not easy to do.
I envision this in a black-and-white film noir vignette. Sadly, it's been real life doe far too many!
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2023
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I think I've seen this scenario play out in many an old movie. Yet another psychological mind game. You found depth in a 4-8-4 contest and that is not easy to do.
I envision this in a black-and-white film noir vignette. Sadly, it's been real life doe far too many!
Comment Written 10-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2023
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Thank you, and yes, all too many have indeed come home to find such unwelcome reminders that the private sphere is not so private.
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The walls have eyes!
Comment from Rosemary Everson1
Usually, smoke swirls are from a cigarette smoker. I have no idea where the smoke would come from if no one were smoking. This is a thinker for sure. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2023
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Usually, smoke swirls are from a cigarette smoker. I have no idea where the smoke would come from if no one were smoking. This is a thinker for sure. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 10-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2023
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Thank you, we shall see!
Comment from Navada
This is a vivid image and reminds me of a film noir interpretation of an interview or interrogation deep in a cellar somewhere. I really like the smoky simile in your middle line and the redolence of it forms in your mind as you read.
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2023
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This is a vivid image and reminds me of a film noir interpretation of an interview or interrogation deep in a cellar somewhere. I really like the smoky simile in your middle line and the redolence of it forms in your mind as you read.
Comment Written 09-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2023
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Thank you, this is quite the compliment!
Comment from JSD
Sinister and clever. So, the cigarettes are used for torture, I am guessing. Just to make sure. Excellently economical ideas and expression. Good luck with this one.
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2023
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Sinister and clever. So, the cigarettes are used for torture, I am guessing. Just to make sure. Excellently economical ideas and expression. Good luck with this one.
Comment Written 09-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2023
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Thank you!
Comment from Paul Manton
Extremely clever. I know three people who might have written it, and I wish each one of them luck in this contest.
4-8-4 seems to bring out some outstanding writing, as here. Very enigmatic - like the sound of the invisible ball bouncing in 'Blowup' - who is really in this room? Perhaps no-one, but 'an uninvited guest' suggests a presence at least. The Commissar might also be an unwanted guest - as in a Gogol short story.
We deny that this is areal poem! There is no one here. Only the questions.
And the smoke.
Worth six stars - all of them red.
Paul
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2023
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Extremely clever. I know three people who might have written it, and I wish each one of them luck in this contest.
4-8-4 seems to bring out some outstanding writing, as here. Very enigmatic - like the sound of the invisible ball bouncing in 'Blowup' - who is really in this room? Perhaps no-one, but 'an uninvited guest' suggests a presence at least. The Commissar might also be an unwanted guest - as in a Gogol short story.
We deny that this is areal poem! There is no one here. Only the questions.
And the smoke.
Worth six stars - all of them red.
Paul
Comment Written 09-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2023
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The People's Commissar for Enlightenment of the Masses thanks you for your stakhanovite devotion!
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Bolshoi spracebo!
Comment from Bill Schott
This 4-8-4, The Commissar Visits, has the proper formatting and puts the readers into a mystery where the local Commissar's Visit is a negative surprise.
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2023
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This 4-8-4, The Commissar Visits, has the proper formatting and puts the readers into a mystery where the local Commissar's Visit is a negative surprise.
Comment Written 09-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2023
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Negative indeed!
Comment from Wendyanne
I had to google commissar as I ha heard of it before but wasn't exactly sure what it meant. After knowing what a commissar is I found the poem quite disturbing with its "curled plumes hanging like question marks".
Well done and good luck.
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2023
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I had to google commissar as I ha heard of it before but wasn't exactly sure what it meant. After knowing what a commissar is I found the poem quite disturbing with its "curled plumes hanging like question marks".
Well done and good luck.
Comment Written 09-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2023
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Thank you!
Comment from royowen
Well how about that, nobody smokes, at least in the membership here, but there are plumes of smoke, so how about that, an uninvited guest is prowling around somewhere out of sight. Beautifully written, good luck. Blessings Roy
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2023
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Well how about that, nobody smokes, at least in the membership here, but there are plumes of smoke, so how about that, an uninvited guest is prowling around somewhere out of sight. Beautifully written, good luck. Blessings Roy
Comment Written 09-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2023
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Thank you!
