Death, Crimes and Misdemeanors A-Z
Viewing comments for Chapter 24 "X Marks The Spot"Nefarious Deeds
24 total reviews
Comment from LJbutterfly
This is an intriguing mystery with content that flows smoothly. Careful punctuation would make the story even more captivating. I've included a few examples.
Morris carried a book with him everywhere, he was a voracious reader. (Period after everywhere. New sentence-He was a voracious reader).
pulled into the story of "The Last Chance Killer", and his (comma before quotation mark-Killer,")
"There was no, hey, watch it you're getting dirt all over me!", no "Can't you dig any faster?", not even, "Is the hole big enough yet?".
Following is the correct punctuation.
There was no, "Hey, watch it, you're getting dirt all over me," no "Can't you dig any faster?" Not even, "Is the hole big enough yet?"
"Hey Gramps, Who did you bury?". (period not necessary)
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2023
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This is an intriguing mystery with content that flows smoothly. Careful punctuation would make the story even more captivating. I've included a few examples.
Morris carried a book with him everywhere, he was a voracious reader. (Period after everywhere. New sentence-He was a voracious reader).
pulled into the story of "The Last Chance Killer", and his (comma before quotation mark-Killer,")
"There was no, hey, watch it you're getting dirt all over me!", no "Can't you dig any faster?", not even, "Is the hole big enough yet?".
Following is the correct punctuation.
There was no, "Hey, watch it, you're getting dirt all over me," no "Can't you dig any faster?" Not even, "Is the hole big enough yet?"
"Hey Gramps, Who did you bury?". (period not necessary)
Comment Written 16-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2023
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Went and edited. Thank you. It boggles the mind how we can miss all of these! Good eye sweetie. I sure appreciate your taking the time. :-) Karen
Comment from jmdg1954
O this is going to be a continuing post/story since you left us readers dangling?
I thought this was well written the way you began it then gave us insight to the characters and the conclusion.
Nicely done.
John
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2023
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O this is going to be a continuing post/story since you left us readers dangling?
I thought this was well written the way you began it then gave us insight to the characters and the conclusion.
Nicely done.
John
Comment Written 16-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2023
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In the notes I told you Number two is right behind this one. Their are only two chapters. Read on Mcduff! :-) Karen
Comment from phill doran
Hello Karen,
I am pleased to come to this piece at the very beginning. It is a good start and I look forward to the tale.
I wish you well with your continued writing
cheers
phill
Just a few suggestions
"...from breast cancer, my wife died..." (cancer; my - semi colon)
"...Three years ago I moved in with Morris..." (ago, I - add a comma)
"...a year ago I thought for a..." (ago, I - add a comma)
"...When my Sarah died I thought..." (died, I - add a comma)
"...and ( his cousins said)..." (remove extra space after ( and before 'his')
"...was titled " The Last Chance..." (remove extra space after " and before 'The')
"...nugget however ,would never..." (the space comes after the comma, not before it)
"... He could not tell who..." (remove the initial space on this line)
"...elementary school he spent a..." (school, he - add comma)
In passing, perhaps it would be uncommon for someone who was 5-foot 6-inches tall as an adult to have been the same height at 14. It is entirely possible I am sure, but I do think it would be uncommon.
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2023
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Hello Karen,
I am pleased to come to this piece at the very beginning. It is a good start and I look forward to the tale.
I wish you well with your continued writing
cheers
phill
Just a few suggestions
"...from breast cancer, my wife died..." (cancer; my - semi colon)
"...Three years ago I moved in with Morris..." (ago, I - add a comma)
"...a year ago I thought for a..." (ago, I - add a comma)
"...When my Sarah died I thought..." (died, I - add a comma)
"...and ( his cousins said)..." (remove extra space after ( and before 'his')
"...was titled " The Last Chance..." (remove extra space after " and before 'The')
"...nugget however ,would never..." (the space comes after the comma, not before it)
"... He could not tell who..." (remove the initial space on this line)
"...elementary school he spent a..." (school, he - add comma)
In passing, perhaps it would be uncommon for someone who was 5-foot 6-inches tall as an adult to have been the same height at 14. It is entirely possible I am sure, but I do think it would be uncommon.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 16-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2023
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I was 5'4" at 11 and never gained an inch. I am going back to look at editing. Thank you. Karen
Comment from Bill Schott
Well, I for one am terribly intrigued and anxious to find out who or what they two shovellers buried in the night. I assume that is what the other readers want to know as well.
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2023
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Well, I for one am terribly intrigued and anxious to find out who or what they two shovellers buried in the night. I assume that is what the other readers want to know as well.
Comment Written 16-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2023
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You Betcha! Karen
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
I wish I had spotted your name twice, so I would have read this first. Morris, David, and Kate are an interesting threesome who seem to fit together very well. I thought Morris was telling the second part of the story, so my correction isn't right. It's a very good story.
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2023
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I wish I had spotted your name twice, so I would have read this first. Morris, David, and Kate are an interesting threesome who seem to fit together very well. I thought Morris was telling the second part of the story, so my correction isn't right. It's a very good story.
Comment Written 14-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2023
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I thank you for the effort anyway. I am proud of it. I have sat with this and edited for two years. the subject matter was very sensitive. I appreciate the read. Karen
Comment from scongrove
Great story, my friend :) This was quite interesting, from the beginning to end. I'm intrigued to find out who were the two men and who were they burying? I will have to read the second part to the story tomorrow. Tonight, I have to go do hearing tests from 6 pm to 12 am. Uggg...
I enjoyed the first part of your story!
Sincerely,
Shana :)
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2023
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Great story, my friend :) This was quite interesting, from the beginning to end. I'm intrigued to find out who were the two men and who were they burying? I will have to read the second part to the story tomorrow. Tonight, I have to go do hearing tests from 6 pm to 12 am. Uggg...
I enjoyed the first part of your story!
Sincerely,
Shana :)
Comment Written 14-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2023
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Hearing tests???? Karen
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Yes, I'm the occupational health assistant for a corporate business. I do all kinds of stuff, including CPR classes. I'll get back to reading your next post Sunday. Going to a family dinner with my boyfriend. :)
Have a great weekend :)
Comment from Paul Manton
So you have written us a prequel to an intriguing story of homicidal neighbors! It was very well written, Karen, and these stories of 'farm folk' has quite a few parallels in UK fiction - some of it very rural, and some more like murder mysteries. Here we get some of both.
Young Morris is perspicacious and intelligent; I am looking forward to reading more about him next time.
Paul
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2023
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So you have written us a prequel to an intriguing story of homicidal neighbors! It was very well written, Karen, and these stories of 'farm folk' has quite a few parallels in UK fiction - some of it very rural, and some more like murder mysteries. Here we get some of both.
Young Morris is perspicacious and intelligent; I am looking forward to reading more about him next time.
Paul
Comment Written 14-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2023
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I appreciate the read and nice words. Karen
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Thanks, Karen. I read these in the wrong order.
Paul
Comment from GWHARGIS
You've hooked me in. I need to know what was buried and by who. This is a fast reader. I happily, though impatiently wait for part two. I will read tomorrow for it is bedtime. Great post. Gretchen
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2023
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You've hooked me in. I need to know what was buried and by who. This is a fast reader. I happily, though impatiently wait for part two. I will read tomorrow for it is bedtime. Great post. Gretchen
Comment Written 13-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2023
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Thanks so much. Karen
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
Oh good, I thought for a minute that was the end of the story. So where is the next part? As ever, a fair amount of intrigue here and Morris, being a curious one will, I hope, get to the bottom of it. I still feel this could be a bit edited and refined to maintain pace. And be careful about repeating the same word in close proximity ("story" was repeated 3 times in the first paragraph). I always know the read will be a good one so only making these points as a suggestion. Otherwise excellently done! Debbie
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2023
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Oh good, I thought for a minute that was the end of the story. So where is the next part? As ever, a fair amount of intrigue here and Morris, being a curious one will, I hope, get to the bottom of it. I still feel this could be a bit edited and refined to maintain pace. And be careful about repeating the same word in close proximity ("story" was repeated 3 times in the first paragraph). I always know the read will be a good one so only making these points as a suggestion. Otherwise excellently done! Debbie
Comment Written 13-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2023
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I will do look. I did not see this, and you are the first to tell me. Thanks so much. Gotta go edit!............Karen
Comment from lyenochka
Well, we can be relieved for now that his grandfather is in the clear especially after Morris overheard that conversation. Morris is a very observant boy and all that reading of mystery books helped him, I bet!
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2023
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Well, we can be relieved for now that his grandfather is in the clear especially after Morris overheard that conversation. Morris is a very observant boy and all that reading of mystery books helped him, I bet!
Comment Written 13-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2023
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You Betcha! Thanks for reading. Karen