The Balm
Best friends can always be relied on to do the right thing17 total reviews
Comment from Daylily
Deceit and betrayal were delivered a death sentence in this story of a husband done wrong. It was well-told in perfectly rhymed couplets.
My interest was held all the way to the end.
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2023
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Deceit and betrayal were delivered a death sentence in this story of a husband done wrong. It was well-told in perfectly rhymed couplets.
My interest was held all the way to the end.
Comment Written 17-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2023
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Thanks for the review. Glad you enjoyed it.
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Thanks for the review. Glad you enjoyed it.
Comment from LJbutterfly
Welcome to FanStory, Mortman, the place where writers help writers grow.
You have posted an interesting and creative story in a smooth flowing poem, that culminates in an unexpected, sad ending. This is a nice first entry into a contest. Best wishes.
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2023
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Welcome to FanStory, Mortman, the place where writers help writers grow.
You have posted an interesting and creative story in a smooth flowing poem, that culminates in an unexpected, sad ending. This is a nice first entry into a contest. Best wishes.
Comment Written 16-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2023
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Thanks for the review - much appreciated.
Comment from LJbutterfly
Welcome to FanStory, Mortman, the place where writers help writers grow.
You have posted an interesting and creative story in a smooth flowing poem, that culminates in an unexpected, sad ending. This is a nice first entry into a contest. Best wishes.
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2023
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Welcome to FanStory, Mortman, the place where writers help writers grow.
You have posted an interesting and creative story in a smooth flowing poem, that culminates in an unexpected, sad ending. This is a nice first entry into a contest. Best wishes.
Comment Written 16-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2023
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Thanks for the review - much appreciated.
Comment from jim vecchio
This reminded me of a story that could have been an all-verse "Twilight Zone" adventure. I'm glad you stated this story wasn't true, because I'd be terrified of reading a story written by a zombie.
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2023
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This reminded me of a story that could have been an all-verse "Twilight Zone" adventure. I'm glad you stated this story wasn't true, because I'd be terrified of reading a story written by a zombie.
Comment Written 16-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2023
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Thanks - now you've given me ideas...
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I'm glad I gave someone an idea. They rarely stay in my head very long!
Comment from dragonpoet
Hi Mortman.
This poem fits the contest well. It seems it is of betrayal and murder.
The husband knew about the love and affair, it seems. If good friends always to the right thing than the speaker in the poem wouldn't have had the affair and suffered in silence. Murder is a betrayal too thought. So ironically neither friend really did the right thing.
Good luck and stay healthy
Happy Holidays
Joan
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2023
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Hi Mortman.
This poem fits the contest well. It seems it is of betrayal and murder.
The husband knew about the love and affair, it seems. If good friends always to the right thing than the speaker in the poem wouldn't have had the affair and suffered in silence. Murder is a betrayal too thought. So ironically neither friend really did the right thing.
Good luck and stay healthy
Happy Holidays
Joan
Comment Written 16-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2023
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Thanks Joan - much appreciated.
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Any time, mortman.
Joan
Comment from Rachelle Allen
Ah, justice! I wonder if Peg got any of that balm for a gift, too, since it's not like the narrator was Kirk's only betrayer!
Very nice entry for the contest. I hope it does really well for you. xo
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2023
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Ah, justice! I wonder if Peg got any of that balm for a gift, too, since it's not like the narrator was Kirk's only betrayer!
Very nice entry for the contest. I hope it does really well for you. xo
Comment Written 16-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2023
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That's a good point - I hadn't thought about that. I guess that Kirk may well have collected two of those vials I reckon.
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Of course, the husband could torture Peg every day of his life just by leaving the seat up or not closing the kitchen cupboards after he's taking something out of them...
Comment from JSD
Great response to the prompt. This has a ballad style to it, telling your story in faultless rhythm and rhyme and naturally ending in death. A most entertaining read. Well done and good luck.
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2023
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Great response to the prompt. This has a ballad style to it, telling your story in faultless rhythm and rhyme and naturally ending in death. A most entertaining read. Well done and good luck.
Comment Written 16-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2023
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Thanks for your feedback. Glad you enjoyed it.
Comment from jmdg1954
Whoa... it would've been awfully cool to have written and posted this while no longer living... haha
This was perfectly executed with the cadence and rhymes. Also the great twist at the end.
Good luck in the contest...
John
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2023
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Whoa... it would've been awfully cool to have written and posted this while no longer living... haha
This was perfectly executed with the cadence and rhymes. Also the great twist at the end.
Good luck in the contest...
John
Comment Written 16-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2023
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Thanks John. Yes, dead man talking - probably a bit of poetic licence, I guess.
Comment from royowen
Funny thing is, I don't think this is particularly uncommon, when the friend was in love with his best friend's wife, or girlfriend, fiancé, I'm not it's love, but it is a form of betrayal, which is a really bad thing, et tu Bruti?this is a terrific post, well done, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2023
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Funny thing is, I don't think this is particularly uncommon, when the friend was in love with his best friend's wife, or girlfriend, fiancé, I'm not it's love, but it is a form of betrayal, which is a really bad thing, et tu Bruti?this is a terrific post, well done, blessings Roy
Comment Written 16-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2023
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Thanks Roy. Glad you enjoyed it.
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Most welcome
Comment from Lisasview
OMG.... I have chills... this is really really good... from the very beginning to the very end...
I have not read any of your poems Mortman but I will be looking you up.
Loved the rhyme and the easy flow.
Lisasview, from California, now living full-time in Spain
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2023
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OMG.... I have chills... this is really really good... from the very beginning to the very end...
I have not read any of your poems Mortman but I will be looking you up.
Loved the rhyme and the easy flow.
Lisasview, from California, now living full-time in Spain
Comment Written 16-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2023
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Thank you so much. I'm so glad you liked it.
