Turtle Gives The Third Finger
he's turtley pissed off with humanity.3 total reviews
Comment from Lisasview
Hi there,
I just do not understand why I am not getting any of your post, Tempeste????
I was sure we were Fans???
Anyway, I went back into your Portfolio and found this wonderful one of yours!
I wish you the very best of luck in the contest.
Lisasview
reply by the author on 29-Dec-2023
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Hi there,
I just do not understand why I am not getting any of your post, Tempeste????
I was sure we were Fans???
Anyway, I went back into your Portfolio and found this wonderful one of yours!
I wish you the very best of luck in the contest.
Lisasview
Comment Written 27-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 29-Dec-2023
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You are definitely on my fan list and when you post ( not in a contest) I receive a notification.
I usually post because I want to enter a competition hence you don?t get a notification because it?s supposed to be anonymous.
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Makes sense...
Thank you,
Lisa
Comment from Julie Helms
This is serious subject, but I had to curb my laughing from that picture of the turtle! Anyway, this is very well done and I couldn't agree more with your opinions. Power and greed are destroying our environment and our culture. Thank you for highlighting this.
reply by the author on 26-Dec-2023
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This is serious subject, but I had to curb my laughing from that picture of the turtle! Anyway, this is very well done and I couldn't agree more with your opinions. Power and greed are destroying our environment and our culture. Thank you for highlighting this.
Comment Written 26-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 26-Dec-2023
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Thank you for reading and sharing your thoughts.
Yes the topic is serious but in all honesty when I came across the pic in Pinterest , I laughed too.
I hope you enjoyed the video I provided in the notes section?
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I did not--will go back and check!
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It s part of a serie : nature speaking..
The narrators are actors.. and videos are about a minute long
I?m in bed so I can?t send you the live link , I need my pc for that. Using my phone now.
Here is the one on the mountain and Lee pace is the narrator.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=KcBAwAeihoY
Enjoy!
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I listened to the Harrison Ford video clip. Very powerful message. Thank you for highlighting this.
Comment from Janis M.
This is a great entry for the contest! I love the topic. I was just talking to a coworker how I am not a fan of excessive fireworks that people do throughout the year because of how harmful it is and people don't ever clean it up properly. I had some ideas for how to create some more urgency in your poem along with just a few little tid bits.
Time to clean up our lousy act.
We don't (neither) love nor respect
our home planet -- that's a fact. (the hyphens will signal a slight pause for the reader to help keep them in rhythm with the flow)
Our oceans are filthy, full of plastic
(choking) chokes seabirds and seals.
Another way you can rephrase this that can give the reader a more top down view imagery of what is happening is changing the tense.
Due to warfare our
air, water and soil
are contaminated
warfare contaminating
our air, soil, and water
Our oceans are filthy, full of plastic
that chokes seabirds and seals.
Turtles mistake bags for jellyfish
their all-time favourite meal.
oceans so filthy, filled with plastic
choking seabirds and seals
Turtles mistaking bags for jellyfish
their all time favorite meal.
This sort of change in tense creates and urgency for the reader as their minds envision it happening in real time. Like instead of this has already happened, this is happening NOW, right NOW!
and then in the later half of the poem you can switch your tense to the action you want the reader to take much like you already have.
reply by the author on 26-Dec-2023
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This is a great entry for the contest! I love the topic. I was just talking to a coworker how I am not a fan of excessive fireworks that people do throughout the year because of how harmful it is and people don't ever clean it up properly. I had some ideas for how to create some more urgency in your poem along with just a few little tid bits.
Time to clean up our lousy act.
We don't (neither) love nor respect
our home planet -- that's a fact. (the hyphens will signal a slight pause for the reader to help keep them in rhythm with the flow)
Our oceans are filthy, full of plastic
(choking) chokes seabirds and seals.
Another way you can rephrase this that can give the reader a more top down view imagery of what is happening is changing the tense.
Due to warfare our
air, water and soil
are contaminated
warfare contaminating
our air, soil, and water
Our oceans are filthy, full of plastic
that chokes seabirds and seals.
Turtles mistake bags for jellyfish
their all-time favourite meal.
oceans so filthy, filled with plastic
choking seabirds and seals
Turtles mistaking bags for jellyfish
their all time favorite meal.
This sort of change in tense creates and urgency for the reader as their minds envision it happening in real time. Like instead of this has already happened, this is happening NOW, right NOW!
and then in the later half of the poem you can switch your tense to the action you want the reader to take much like you already have.
Comment Written 26-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 26-Dec-2023
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Thank you for the helpful feedback. In all honesty, initially, I had more verbs in gerund(?) but I felt the read was heavy.
I edited and I can see your point.. one can hear the urgency because the reader realises that as we speak animals are dying.
If you have time , I would love to hear your final verdict.
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Just read it again! It looks great!
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Thank you! 🙂
