Tribute to Poe
There was a knock on the door...Contest11 total reviews
Comment from Patrick Bernardy
Hi Julie!
So, I wasn't going to do a lot of reviewing tonight, but I ended up doing some. When I looked in my bookcase, I was flabbergasted to see that the next "Julie Helms" entry I was to read was this one about Poe. And considering it wasn't long ago that I showed you my essay on said literary master, I decided to go ahead and read this.
What a great story! I am sorry to see that there were no ribbons attached to it. There must have been a lot of good stories that beat it out! You know FanStory ... quality stories at every turn! ((Excuse me a moment. I think I sprained my tongue planting it too firmly in my cheek. Ow.))
SOME THOUGHTS:
---"The shop's counter stood sentinel between me and the rest of the store." --Beautiful description with a little personification of the counter. It didn't do a very good job in the end protecting your narrator, though. It just kinda laid there ... like a normal counter. Some sentinel!
---"the way in which all Poe stories should be devoured." --Yes! Oh my god! My sister bought me a beautiful collected stories Poe book this last fall. I have read most of Poe's stories over the years, but it has been a while. I think I will add this book to 2025's list. If I do, though, maybe I will read the stories out loud to my birds! You think it would give them nightmares? Could you imagine if I could teach Molly to say: "Down by the sea ... Annabel Lee!" By the way, speaking of Annabel Lee and Madeline Usher, did you know that Poe wrote that the pinnacle of subjects for poetry was the death of a beautiful woman? He was obsessed with this motif. This is neither here nor there, but you know me. I go where my brain goes, and my fingers follow along recording the muddled trains of thought for the supreme gratification (or eye-rolling annoyance) of all who read them.
---"I did try to keep cobwebs at bay, but that didn't stop the webs of intrigue that connected the Thriller section to the Horror, to the Romance, Philosophy and onward, swagging along in dim shadows of the mouldings." --Oh yes, this sentence is wonderful! You were at the top of your game when you wrote this! These words do so much to expose the setting, especially the MOOD of the setting, which is particularly important in this story, for it acts as the antagonist.
I did find some things you might consider. As always, agree or disagree. Fic or don't fic! *grins*
---"I looked up from the battered hardback that lay on my lap as I sat curled up, swaddled in my afghan." --There are two "as" phrases in this sentence. Consider just splitting them into two sentences: "I looked up from the battered hardback that lay on my lap. I sat curled up, swaddled in my afghan."
---"the newest True[-]Crime" --No way! Surely not! Maybe? Let's ask the Queen! *insert raised eyebrow emoji here*
---"I spoke the words as they slipped by before my eyes, interspersed with moments of a barely voiced whisper as tension built." --The "as" phrase (I can't remember the grammatical term for this type of phrase, and I am too lazy to look it up; if you know it, let me know, please) at the end makes the sentence read a little wonky. Mighten we just make it its own sentence? I think it adds to the building suspense that way anyway! "... moments of a barely voiced whisper. Tension built."
---"at the bottom[,] and half cases stepped up along the heavy wooden treads as they curled around[,] ascending into darkness." --I am sensing two commas are needed in this sentence if I am reading it right. Have a look at the full sentence and see if you agree or not.
---"I slammed the book shut as the sound of splintering and cracking rolled across the second floor[,] shaking the ceiling." --Here is another instance of a participle phrase that probably needs a comma before it.
This was such a beautiful, scary, and fun little flash. These are the types of stories you excel at! I love that the fact that reading the book brought all these real impressions -- the knocking, the screaming, and the storm -- to life in her bookstore. And then the final twist at the end that when she closed the book and put it away, everything stopped. You should go do this one night in your bookstore and see what happens. *grins*
Well done, Julie! I really liked this one!
Patrick
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2025
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Hi Julie!
So, I wasn't going to do a lot of reviewing tonight, but I ended up doing some. When I looked in my bookcase, I was flabbergasted to see that the next "Julie Helms" entry I was to read was this one about Poe. And considering it wasn't long ago that I showed you my essay on said literary master, I decided to go ahead and read this.
What a great story! I am sorry to see that there were no ribbons attached to it. There must have been a lot of good stories that beat it out! You know FanStory ... quality stories at every turn! ((Excuse me a moment. I think I sprained my tongue planting it too firmly in my cheek. Ow.))
SOME THOUGHTS:
---"The shop's counter stood sentinel between me and the rest of the store." --Beautiful description with a little personification of the counter. It didn't do a very good job in the end protecting your narrator, though. It just kinda laid there ... like a normal counter. Some sentinel!
---"the way in which all Poe stories should be devoured." --Yes! Oh my god! My sister bought me a beautiful collected stories Poe book this last fall. I have read most of Poe's stories over the years, but it has been a while. I think I will add this book to 2025's list. If I do, though, maybe I will read the stories out loud to my birds! You think it would give them nightmares? Could you imagine if I could teach Molly to say: "Down by the sea ... Annabel Lee!" By the way, speaking of Annabel Lee and Madeline Usher, did you know that Poe wrote that the pinnacle of subjects for poetry was the death of a beautiful woman? He was obsessed with this motif. This is neither here nor there, but you know me. I go where my brain goes, and my fingers follow along recording the muddled trains of thought for the supreme gratification (or eye-rolling annoyance) of all who read them.
---"I did try to keep cobwebs at bay, but that didn't stop the webs of intrigue that connected the Thriller section to the Horror, to the Romance, Philosophy and onward, swagging along in dim shadows of the mouldings." --Oh yes, this sentence is wonderful! You were at the top of your game when you wrote this! These words do so much to expose the setting, especially the MOOD of the setting, which is particularly important in this story, for it acts as the antagonist.
I did find some things you might consider. As always, agree or disagree. Fic or don't fic! *grins*
---"I looked up from the battered hardback that lay on my lap as I sat curled up, swaddled in my afghan." --There are two "as" phrases in this sentence. Consider just splitting them into two sentences: "I looked up from the battered hardback that lay on my lap. I sat curled up, swaddled in my afghan."
---"the newest True[-]Crime" --No way! Surely not! Maybe? Let's ask the Queen! *insert raised eyebrow emoji here*
---"I spoke the words as they slipped by before my eyes, interspersed with moments of a barely voiced whisper as tension built." --The "as" phrase (I can't remember the grammatical term for this type of phrase, and I am too lazy to look it up; if you know it, let me know, please) at the end makes the sentence read a little wonky. Mighten we just make it its own sentence? I think it adds to the building suspense that way anyway! "... moments of a barely voiced whisper. Tension built."
---"at the bottom[,] and half cases stepped up along the heavy wooden treads as they curled around[,] ascending into darkness." --I am sensing two commas are needed in this sentence if I am reading it right. Have a look at the full sentence and see if you agree or not.
---"I slammed the book shut as the sound of splintering and cracking rolled across the second floor[,] shaking the ceiling." --Here is another instance of a participle phrase that probably needs a comma before it.
This was such a beautiful, scary, and fun little flash. These are the types of stories you excel at! I love that the fact that reading the book brought all these real impressions -- the knocking, the screaming, and the storm -- to life in her bookstore. And then the final twist at the end that when she closed the book and put it away, everything stopped. You should go do this one night in your bookstore and see what happens. *grins*
Well done, Julie! I really liked this one!
Patrick
Comment Written 15-Jan-2025
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2025
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Thank you, Patrick for delving into my nod to Poe!
I think I got all your corrections. I agree with them and fic-ed them.
:-)
Except I didn't understand this one:
You said--
---"I looked up from the battered hardback that lay on my lap as I sat curled up, swaddled in my afghan." --There are two "as" phrases in this sentence.
(What do you mean by ' two "as" phrases'?)
Thanks muchly for the review and editing. I was clearly slacking!
Julie
:-)
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Yeah, I noticed that myself when I reread the review after I submitted it. I meant to mention it to you in other channels, but I forgot. I even confused myself on why I pulled that. 😆
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It was probably a test....
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You give me too much credit. 🤣
Comment from lancellot
This is a very well written and descriptive scene. You did a great job encompassing Poe's words and the feel of his work as you built the atmosphere with the appropriate language of the era. It made the reader feel like they were in the bookstore, letting their imagination run wild too.
Good work.
reply by the author on 30-Dec-2023
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This is a very well written and descriptive scene. You did a great job encompassing Poe's words and the feel of his work as you built the atmosphere with the appropriate language of the era. It made the reader feel like they were in the bookstore, letting their imagination run wild too.
Good work.
Comment Written 29-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 30-Dec-2023
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Thank you so much. I appreciate you taking the time to tell me what worked. And thanks for the stars! Julie
Comment from Pam Lonsdale
This is amazing. It sounds as though you are a huge fan of books in general, and Poe specifically.
I think he would like this piece, as it is every bit as suspenseful as his work, and your details bring us right into the room with you. The story your protagonist was reading brought the world around her to life - fabulous! That's what a good story should do.
I think this is a great entry for this contest - quite unique and very well told. Good luck!
xo
Pam
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2023
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This is amazing. It sounds as though you are a huge fan of books in general, and Poe specifically.
I think he would like this piece, as it is every bit as suspenseful as his work, and your details bring us right into the room with you. The story your protagonist was reading brought the world around her to life - fabulous! That's what a good story should do.
I think this is a great entry for this contest - quite unique and very well told. Good luck!
xo
Pam
Comment Written 28-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2023
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Hi Pam,
Thank you so much for all those lovely encouraging words! And for the six stars :-). I am a big literature fan, and I also happen to own a bookstore. But it's not an exciting Victorian one? I sell homeschool curriculum and classic books. Thank you again for your review. Happy new year to you! Julie
Comment from Liz O'Neill
This has Poe's tone: "Had I heard a knock? Or had my mind conjured it upon reading my tale?" I like this: "Maybe my reverent utterance of Poe had reached him in the grave, and he'd sent knocking to my mind." You've done well with this theme. I, along with many others overtime, have used the line for a stepping-off point. You, on the other hand, have used it as a backbone of your stream of consciousness and allusional presentation. A+
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2023
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This has Poe's tone: "Had I heard a knock? Or had my mind conjured it upon reading my tale?" I like this: "Maybe my reverent utterance of Poe had reached him in the grave, and he'd sent knocking to my mind." You've done well with this theme. I, along with many others overtime, have used the line for a stepping-off point. You, on the other hand, have used it as a backbone of your stream of consciousness and allusional presentation. A+
Comment Written 28-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2023
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Thank you so much for your kind words and six stars! It really means a lot to me :-) The details you bring out are very helpful. Thank you! Julie
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You did an excellent job
Comment from Karen Cherry
Fantastic picture. Your story was quite compelling. I think after the first crash I would have chickened out and put Old Edgar down. I would have picked up a Phyllis Diller to Erma Bombeck to read. Good writing.
Karen
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2023
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Fantastic picture. Your story was quite compelling. I think after the first crash I would have chickened out and put Old Edgar down. I would have picked up a Phyllis Diller to Erma Bombeck to read. Good writing.
Karen
Comment Written 27-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2023
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Haha! Thanks so much!
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:-) Karen
Comment from Wayne Fowler
Great job. Nicely written.
above the tarn. - 'tarn'. That's a new one to me. Had to look it up.
the voice of a thousand waters - I'm still trying to imagine what that looks like. Or 'sound' like, rather.
Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2023
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Great job. Nicely written.
above the tarn. - 'tarn'. That's a new one to me. Had to look it up.
the voice of a thousand waters - I'm still trying to imagine what that looks like. Or 'sound' like, rather.
Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 27-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2023
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Thank you! Those particular words were all Poe.
Comment from JSD
Yes, definitely one to put away. You sent chills down my spine with your writing and it is an excellent response to the prompt. Really well structured and the language choices are perfect. Well done and good luck with this.
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2023
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Yes, definitely one to put away. You sent chills down my spine with your writing and it is an excellent response to the prompt. Really well structured and the language choices are perfect. Well done and good luck with this.
Comment Written 27-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2023
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Thank you so much for the kind words!
Comment from royowen
You've done a pretty good job, of weaving your considerable imagination around on of the great work of Edgar Alan Poe, what a great author he was. There are some great writers on site that have admired the works of Poe, and mimicked him well, well done, good l job, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2023
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You've done a pretty good job, of weaving your considerable imagination around on of the great work of Edgar Alan Poe, what a great author he was. There are some great writers on site that have admired the works of Poe, and mimicked him well, well done, good l job, blessings Roy
Comment Written 27-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2023
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Thank you so much for the kind words, Roy!
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Most welcome
Comment from Navada
Wow! I really enjoyed this tale of the book that manifests its subject matter into existence. Your language choices here are really beautiful - I loved the reference to the "web of intrigue" spun by the shop's spiders and also the way the shop's counter "stood sentinel" - terrific! :)
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2023
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Wow! I really enjoyed this tale of the book that manifests its subject matter into existence. Your language choices here are really beautiful - I loved the reference to the "web of intrigue" spun by the shop's spiders and also the way the shop's counter "stood sentinel" - terrific! :)
Comment Written 27-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2023
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Thanks, Navada!
Comment from Daylily
An excellent story well-written. I would love to own an old bookstore. They have such a wonderful ambiance. And there is nothing equal to holding a good book as you read it.
You chose an excellent subject to explore--the influence of Poe is very evident and I actually think he would have enjoyed reading it, too. :-)
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 26-Dec-2023
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An excellent story well-written. I would love to own an old bookstore. They have such a wonderful ambiance. And there is nothing equal to holding a good book as you read it.
You chose an excellent subject to explore--the influence of Poe is very evident and I actually think he would have enjoyed reading it, too. :-)
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 26-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 26-Dec-2023
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Thank you so much! I actually do own a bookstore, but there is nothing in the way of ambience about it. So I daydream about what I wish it could be :-) Here is a link to Photos if you're interested. It's an educational bookstore for homeschoolers. Absolutely no mystery or intrigue involved?. https://pacurriculumexchange.com/photos/
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I did look it up...and I think it is a treasure trove of good choices. I hope it does very well for you.
An interesting story--Long ago when I lived in Missouri, I went into a small used bookstore looking for a novel. It was around noon and the woman running it forgot that I was in the back checking out the shelves. She locked up and went to lunch and put a sign on the door! I had to stay there until she returned and she was so embarrassed. I just laughed because I was not in a rush and was able to find a couple of books I wanted to buy. :0)
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I've been in business for 25 years so actually looking to wind down at some point. But unfortunately homeschooling is exploding right now in our area. That is a really funny story about being locked in the bookstore. There is a writing idea for your future!
