Night Sky Spark New Year 2024
Night sky festival sparks fireworks for New Year 20243 total reviews
Comment from Frank Malley
I like 'for more clarity' as the last five, and -ness as a noun identifier is kinda a clodhopper, if I may. Oh! I thought the count was syllabic, but it's word count. Different possibilities.
On a different critical note, the lines don't seem to build on each other: they describe a whole bunch of different things that are tough to associate meaningfully. Plus, the form is hard to pick up on: line 1, 6 words. Line2: 10 words. Line 3: 3 words. 19 words total. How is that 5-7-5?
Meanwhile: Black night, window lights /Fireworks cascading in spheres/A new year's signature. I think this is syllabically 5-7-5. 5-7-5 in words gives greater possibilities. maybe more challenging.' Combustion at five hundred feet/ like God's hands grasped the dark city./Spectacle: the light, boom, crash.
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2024
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I like 'for more clarity' as the last five, and -ness as a noun identifier is kinda a clodhopper, if I may. Oh! I thought the count was syllabic, but it's word count. Different possibilities.
On a different critical note, the lines don't seem to build on each other: they describe a whole bunch of different things that are tough to associate meaningfully. Plus, the form is hard to pick up on: line 1, 6 words. Line2: 10 words. Line 3: 3 words. 19 words total. How is that 5-7-5?
Meanwhile: Black night, window lights /Fireworks cascading in spheres/A new year's signature. I think this is syllabically 5-7-5. 5-7-5 in words gives greater possibilities. maybe more challenging.' Combustion at five hundred feet/ like God's hands grasped the dark city./Spectacle: the light, boom, crash.
Comment Written 31-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2024
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Frank I do appreciate your review. I like each line of my poem to become engaged with one's mind. I will recheck my syllable count.
Thank you.
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Engaging readers is a challenge. I think it requires alternating parts that are easy and alluring with parts that are surprising and thought provoking.
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Have a wonderful day. Thank You
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Thanks for your encouragement.
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suggestions by way of instructions are hard to make for literature. I decided that sometimes I would just try to embody suggestions in a rewrite of an idea rather than try to explain. It's a bit different when you have like a class in which to clarify ideas; doing that in typed text can be a monstrous chore.
On another tack, (metaphor from sailing) I may be bold in stressing that for most poets, reading great poetry is crucial to writing even good poetry. The same for stories. I think a lot of FS writers haven't read much poetry other than FS poets, which is a serious mistake.
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Mr. Malley, I can see why you feel the way you do. In Poetry we all continue to grow and expand in this genre. Thank you for sharing.
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Hi, Lynar. What an interesting name! Anyway, words are what we have to share our experiences. Poems are a reward in themselves, and can be experienced by who knows how many people!
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That is something that we can all enjoy.
Enjoy your day.
Comment from Julie Helms
I enjoyed the short poem and it's transition from the fireworks to the message for peace. I don't know if it's just my computer, but I can barely read the words as they are coming through as black on brown. The picture is spectacular. Thanks for sharing and happy new year!
reply by the author on 31-Dec-2023
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I enjoyed the short poem and it's transition from the fireworks to the message for peace. I don't know if it's just my computer, but I can barely read the words as they are coming through as black on brown. The picture is spectacular. Thanks for sharing and happy new year!
Comment Written 31-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 31-Dec-2023
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Thank you, Julie. I had to go back and adjust the color. I could not see the text.
Comment from mermaids
Excellent little poem for the New Year. Your last line has meaning. We would all like peace to take place in the coming year but world is in such turmoil in various places. Happy New Year to you.
reply by the author on 31-Dec-2023
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Excellent little poem for the New Year. Your last line has meaning. We would all like peace to take place in the coming year but world is in such turmoil in various places. Happy New Year to you.
Comment Written 31-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 31-Dec-2023
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Thank you, mermaids. I too want things to be better, but we must wait to see what happens. Enjoy your holiday also.
