Loose Ends
A distressing start to a Sunday morning11 total reviews
Comment from Ginda Simpson
Well done! This certainly has a good chance in the contest. Always amazes me where writers will go with a prompt. Your story is well told, building in suspense and tension.
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2024
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Well done! This certainly has a good chance in the contest. Always amazes me where writers will go with a prompt. Your story is well told, building in suspense and tension.
Comment Written 21-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2024
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Thanks Ginda - much appreciated.
Comment from Sabrina H.
Man, I was on the edge of my seat while reading your story. By the title, I was thinking the worst would happen. Nice twist for the end with the rookie cop.
I didn't see any grammar errors, just an awesome story.
Best of luck with the contest.
Keep writing:)
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2024
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Man, I was on the edge of my seat while reading your story. By the title, I was thinking the worst would happen. Nice twist for the end with the rookie cop.
I didn't see any grammar errors, just an awesome story.
Best of luck with the contest.
Keep writing:)
Comment Written 21-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2024
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Thanks for the review. Very glad you enjoyed it.
Comment from Allieas
I thoroughly enjoyed just about every moment of this! I was at the edge of my seat toward the end, and didn't see the save coming! Your pacing was also excellent, and the last line, perfect. Thanks for sharing this!
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2024
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I thoroughly enjoyed just about every moment of this! I was at the edge of my seat toward the end, and didn't see the save coming! Your pacing was also excellent, and the last line, perfect. Thanks for sharing this!
Comment Written 20-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2024
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Thanks for the feedback, Alexandra - much appreciated.
Comment from Mrs. KT
Hello, mortman,
Well-played!
Whew!
You had me going there for a moment, thinking that the narrator was going to get zapped.
So the rookie cop noticed something was amiss, eh? I always ask myself, if, in a similar situation what I would do. Probably nothing. But I envision myself just yelling at the top of my lungs and running like hell! :)
Much enjoyed.
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2024
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Hello, mortman,
Well-played!
Whew!
You had me going there for a moment, thinking that the narrator was going to get zapped.
So the rookie cop noticed something was amiss, eh? I always ask myself, if, in a similar situation what I would do. Probably nothing. But I envision myself just yelling at the top of my lungs and running like hell! :)
Much enjoyed.
Comment Written 20-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2024
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Thanks Mrs KT. Not sure what I'd do either, and I hope I never find out. Cheers.
Comment from Wayne Fowler
Nice story. Well written.
I moved my head aside in what I hoped was an imperceptive movement. - Moved his head 'aside' for the officer to have a better view, or to block his vision?
Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2024
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Nice story. Well written.
I moved my head aside in what I hoped was an imperceptive movement. - Moved his head 'aside' for the officer to have a better view, or to block his vision?
Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 20-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2024
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Thanks Wayne. My intention was he made the comment about the party so the officer purposely looked inside. He moved his head to give him a better view. Cheers.
Comment from John Ciarmello
Excellent writing, mortman!
Due to your writing ability, I was unsure if the cop had caught on until the end, presenting the story in a more dramatic light.
This is well done, and I wish you much success with the contest. Best, JohnC
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2024
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Excellent writing, mortman!
Due to your writing ability, I was unsure if the cop had caught on until the end, presenting the story in a more dramatic light.
This is well done, and I wish you much success with the contest. Best, JohnC
Comment Written 20-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2024
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Thanks for the feedback, John. Glad you enjoyed it.
Comment from Navada
Well, thank God they obviously train the young ones efficiently at the academy! I really liked the ending - it's great that the innocent homeowner wasn't harmed and the big bully criminal got his comeuppance! Very satisfying! :)
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2024
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Well, thank God they obviously train the young ones efficiently at the academy! I really liked the ending - it's great that the innocent homeowner wasn't harmed and the big bully criminal got his comeuppance! Very satisfying! :)
Comment Written 20-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2024
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It's always good when the bad guy gets it. Thanks for the review.
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It's always good when the bad guy gets it. Thanks for the review.
Comment from Lisasview
Good morning Mortman,
Excellent ~ thrilling read.. to have come across early this morning.
So well written.. not edits needed (and I am big on editing is need be..)
Just going to say this again...
From beginning to end this was well thought out and kept me on the edge of my seat...
Lisasview
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2024
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Good morning Mortman,
Excellent ~ thrilling read.. to have come across early this morning.
So well written.. not edits needed (and I am big on editing is need be..)
Just going to say this again...
From beginning to end this was well thought out and kept me on the edge of my seat...
Lisasview
Comment Written 20-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2024
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Thank you so much for the review and I really appreciate the rating. So glad you enjoyed it.
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Yes, I did enjoy it,
Lisa
Comment from LJbutterfly
The opening paragraph hooks the reader with mystery and suspense and continues to hold the reader captive as the story develops. The surprise ending reveals the rookie cop was astute enough to detect the protagonist was in trouble. Great story and ending. Best wishes in the contest.
I'm happy to come in and so an inspection (do an inspection)
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2024
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The opening paragraph hooks the reader with mystery and suspense and continues to hold the reader captive as the story develops. The surprise ending reveals the rookie cop was astute enough to detect the protagonist was in trouble. Great story and ending. Best wishes in the contest.
I'm happy to come in and so an inspection (do an inspection)
Comment Written 19-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2024
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Thanks for the review. So hard to get all the typos!
Comment from Thesis
That was a good story with a very surprising ending. I guess the rookie could see the carjacker when the main character moved slightly to let him peer in the door. Good job and good luck in the contest.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2024
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That was a good story with a very surprising ending. I guess the rookie could see the carjacker when the main character moved slightly to let him peer in the door. Good job and good luck in the contest.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 19-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2024
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Thanks, Thesis. I reckon he either saw him or saw the lie about the place being a mess (hence the comment about the party). Cheers.
