TiMING IS EVERY-THING
give in to pleasure or self destruction?6 total reviews
Comment from QC Poet
Love the last line within this 6-8-5 syllable compliant Haiku poem. I did hope it had a matching image with this as an enhancement but I expanded it to read the font. I better go get my vision checked. Good Luck in this contest
Blessings
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2024
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Love the last line within this 6-8-5 syllable compliant Haiku poem. I did hope it had a matching image with this as an enhancement but I expanded it to read the font. I better go get my vision checked. Good Luck in this contest
Blessings
Comment Written 26-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2024
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Blessings, thank you!
Comment from patcelaw
First of all, I would like to welcome you to fan story since this is your first post on the site. I enjoyed your short poem. I wish you the very best with all of your writing, and I do hope that the other writer here on the site will be of help to you with your writing skills.
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2024
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First of all, I would like to welcome you to fan story since this is your first post on the site. I enjoyed your short poem. I wish you the very best with all of your writing, and I do hope that the other writer here on the site will be of help to you with your writing skills.
Comment Written 24-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2024
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Thank you for your kind words :)
Comment from jim vecchio
CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR FIRST MILESTONE POST!!!!!!!!!!I'm happy to have been here to read it. Plese keep in touch and continue to write! Just a small concern: Some FSD reviewers may say this is a senryu, but it does not matter to me. Your words were great!
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2024
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CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR FIRST MILESTONE POST!!!!!!!!!!I'm happy to have been here to read it. Plese keep in touch and continue to write! Just a small concern: Some FSD reviewers may say this is a senryu, but it does not matter to me. Your words were great!
Comment Written 24-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2024
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Thank you for the warm words :) It's my first time hearing of a senryu so I will now be falling down that rabbit hole.
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I didn't know about that and was truly ignorant of most poetry forms, but the writers on this site really helped me. Maybe you could try joining a club. Shelley Kaye has a club, the Potlatch Club, where each week she teaches another poetic form and asks us to write one.
Comment from Wy Jung
I enjoyed this. Just vague enough to be interesting but descriptive enough to be engaging. I had to read it twice to really take it in. I like that.
The only tiny suggestion I would make would be to clarify the diff'rent so that it is 2 syllables rather than 3 of diff-er-rent..simply for the particular syllable-counters that reside here on FanStory. But then, it's kind of self-explanatory when you read it with open mind.
Other than that, its 5 stars - as is. ~WY
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2024
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I enjoyed this. Just vague enough to be interesting but descriptive enough to be engaging. I had to read it twice to really take it in. I like that.
The only tiny suggestion I would make would be to clarify the diff'rent so that it is 2 syllables rather than 3 of diff-er-rent..simply for the particular syllable-counters that reside here on FanStory. But then, it's kind of self-explanatory when you read it with open mind.
Other than that, its 5 stars - as is. ~WY
Comment Written 24-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2024
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Note taken with the syllable counter, it's one I must keep watch of. Thank you for the time you took reading my words!
Comment from royowen
They say particularly with comedy is that the best comedians 'that get it right' are the ones with perfect timing, the rest is probably guess work, although the proverb goes, strike while the iron is hot, welcome to fanstory, great post. Blessings Roy
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2024
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They say particularly with comedy is that the best comedians 'that get it right' are the ones with perfect timing, the rest is probably guess work, although the proverb goes, strike while the iron is hot, welcome to fanstory, great post. Blessings Roy
Comment Written 24-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2024
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I appreciate your wise words and thank you for the warm welcome!
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Bless you
Comment from Dawn Munro
Welcome! I can see that you are a talented poet, but these are not haiku. Let me be of assistance if I may--
Haiku described --
Two grammatically connected, concrete images, based upon nature, with either an implied or stated seasonal reference. (For example, we know tulips bloom in spring, so there would be no need to actually name the season, which is called the kigo, when tulips are one of the images.) The pivot line (also known as the kire) connects the two images. The final line (known as the satori) is somewhat of a summary of what has gone before -- it is an "a-HA!" moment. The poem should be immediate (present tense) and not rhyme, nor use personification. It should be no more than 17 syllables, and follow a short-long-short line format; 5-7-5 is the most common, but not a necessity.
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There is still time left before the deadline for entry -- try again! Save this profound poem to your Microsoft files and then delete it in the edit window to open up the editor's box again in preparation of your first haiku. Good luck!
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2024
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Welcome! I can see that you are a talented poet, but these are not haiku. Let me be of assistance if I may--
Haiku described --
Two grammatically connected, concrete images, based upon nature, with either an implied or stated seasonal reference. (For example, we know tulips bloom in spring, so there would be no need to actually name the season, which is called the kigo, when tulips are one of the images.) The pivot line (also known as the kire) connects the two images. The final line (known as the satori) is somewhat of a summary of what has gone before -- it is an "a-HA!" moment. The poem should be immediate (present tense) and not rhyme, nor use personification. It should be no more than 17 syllables, and follow a short-long-short line format; 5-7-5 is the most common, but not a necessity.
~~
There is still time left before the deadline for entry -- try again! Save this profound poem to your Microsoft files and then delete it in the edit window to open up the editor's box again in preparation of your first haiku. Good luck!
Comment Written 23-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2024
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thank you for the feedback, I appreciate the hope and patience! Taking it all on board.
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You're very welcome. You'll do great!
